Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Don't think I've properly come to terms with it


JP2588

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My dad passed away suddenly 19th Jan 2021 at the age of 58. I was the last person to see my dad alive I was with him that day he lived on his own and I bubbled up with him during covid. I said goodbye see you tomorrow. The next day when he was unreachable I panicked he always answered his phone! His sister my aunt lived only a couple of mins down the road and my dad had said that every other day she'd walk past with the dog and stop in the garden so I rang her in a panic asking if she'd seen or heard from him, she to knew something must have been up as he always answered she said she'd pop up and see where he was. I instantly thought if the doors locked she'll not get in I jumped in the car with my keys and headed over the adrenaline pumping away thinking omg what's happened but nothing could prepare me for that phone call I received while driving over, my auntie sobbing saying she was so sorry she'd found him and he was gone, my heart instantly broke right there I felt like I was in a nightmare it couldn't be real. When I got there my aunt didn't want me to go in, she said it wasn't nasty just not very nice and didn't want me to see him like that. She found him on the living room floor. Paramedics had to come and a police officer and confirmed it was a sudden fatal heart attack nothing could have been done it would have happened so fast he wouldn't even have known about it. I have two older brothers and we were there for each other and with the support of our aunt and uncle (dad's brother) we got things sorted like the funeral his finances and sorted through his things. I had to postpone my wedding due to covid from Aug 2020 to Aug 2021 and it was heartbreaking having to have that day without him. My brothers and I were beneficiaries and he'd left us all a lump sum of money, so my husband and I used ours to buy our first house, a bitter sweet feeling knowing my dad would never walk in our house. Whenever I had news it was always my dad I'd ring first to tell. Some people think cos its been 16 months that I should be ok now, I of course was upset and it took some time but I feel we had so much going on that my mind was occupied that I didn't have time to properly grieve and last couple of weeks I've struggled big time can't stop thinking about what happened and all the things he's missing. Certain things upset me, songs I hear that remind me and set me off. My family are great and my husband is very understanding and I know I can talk to any of them but I can't not properly, I'm frightened of upsetting them or frightened to let it all out incase I can't stop, even my mam they'd been divorced for 20 odd years and she has her moments when she gets upset about it. Sorry for long post just feel I need to speak to people who have been through or going through something similar but who I'm not related to if that makes sense. Thanks for reading my post. 

  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Pragya vij

Hi,

Thank you for sharing, it takes a lot of courage to let everything out.

This is all very relatable to me too, it's been 21 months since my father died. I have also grieved in the last few months but now it's gotten more difficult to handle. I feel that there was a lot of shock and I was occupied that I didn't fully realise what had happened. And now I can't get myself to go on with my daily tasks because I keep getting reminded of him.

I would just like to say that if anyone thinks that you are okay now, that doesn't matter. There's no timeline to handle this pain, you lost a very important person from your life and you need to give yourself time to accept it.

I also understand how you want to talk to someone who you are not related to. I also try to not talk about this with my friends/family as I feel it will be a burden to them. Please continue to share here, hoping we are able to help each other!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Lost_In_It_All

I lost my dad 22 years ago (he was also in his 50s). There are things that catch me to this day. Be kind to you. It's a big loss. And now your life is forever changed. 

Keep posting. We are in this together!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.