Members Goforth860 Posted May 23, 2022 Members Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 Well inknew something wasn't right about the whole situation but I tried to let it go. Not think about it. Just continue on with my life. Well my partners daughter who has always given and taken her love from her dad and myself has informed me that she is no longer going to talk with me. She told me to stay away from her. In the midst of the long msg she informed me that I am under investigation. For what i haven't a clue. He died of natural causes. I didn't havecany hand in his death. I did not check on him when I heard him say something or holler or whatever it waz I heard while I was in the bathtub with my head under water. I feel so guilty fir not checking on him but he was his own man. We were going through an argument and I was mad so I didn't go into his room and check on him. I know how the American justice system works. IT DOESN'T!!! ITS SO BROKEN!!! I have nothing to hide but I've seen plenty of "interviews" turn ppl into inmates and I don't want to be one of those ppl. How am I supposed to go on grieving when there's a cloud of suspension over me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DMB Posted May 23, 2022 Members Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 Sorry for your loss. Hopefully you won't be asked to be interviewed by anyone. If you feel like his daughter is trying to make more out of it with the authorities then it wouldn't hurt to get legal representation. Don't agree to talk to anyone without it. Are you able to get a death certificate? Autopsy report, if one was performed which I think certain states require them when a person dies at home. Let these facts speak for themselves and that's really all I would do. His daughter is grieving too, this may be a backwards way of doing it, but hopefully it will be short lived and this cloud of suspicion will fade away in time. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted May 24, 2022 Members Report Share Posted May 24, 2022 Goforth860, I doubt that you are under any investigation. It was probably just a rant by his grieving daughter, trying to make sense of this tragedy. I would leave her alone for the time being. There is no sense in trying to reason with her right now, with you both grieving. If the police ask you you to come in for an interview, which I don't think they will, just tell them that you want a lawyer (public defender) present to help you understand what is happening. In your grief, your brain is not functioning at it's best. It is reasonable for you to have legal counsel with you during any interview. It does not imply any guilt. Try not to worry about this. It is unlikely anything will come of it. Gail 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 24, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted May 24, 2022 She says this but who knows if there's any truth to it, she could be gaslighting you because she's angry, in her grief, and it's safer for her to direct it towards you than...who do you direct it to? There is no one tangible to "blame." Sometimes our emotions are so strong, and grief is one of those times, we don't know what to do with it but it's here, in our face, demanding to be dealt with. Honor her wishes and keep your distance from her. Maybe someday she'll come around, maybe she won't, you can't change that. Gail gave you sound advice. We're here with you, we're listening, we care... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Goforth860 Posted May 24, 2022 Author Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 24, 2022 Thank y'all so much for letting me know that I'm not alone. I have no family to speak of. The past 72 days have been immortal hell. I lost John then the apt we were supposed to be transferring to downstairs and had painted cleaned and all I was told they were giving it to another woman. I got legal aid for that. They gave me a key we did the work some of my stuff is in the storage building and they tell me they're letting someone else move into it the Tues after he passed. The following week I had a CT scan of my lungs and found out that I have some rare form of autoimmune lung disease. I got an emergency appt with my oncologist 2 days later to do blood work just to be told that several of my levels have steadily increased over the past 9 mths ( I see him every 3 mths) so it may have turned into cancer. So I got to wait from 2 pm Wed afternoon until Monday evening at 6 pm to find out that thank God it hadn't turned into cancer. But I got to go crazy the whole time worrying whether or not it had. And then I find out that they are investigating. Which I honestly forgot that ANY home death IS investigated if there is no clear cause of death. I truly believe that there is an investigation but as far as me being a suspect or even a person of interest I do not think that to be true. When the autopsy comes back and shows he died of natural causes they will end their investigating of the whole situation. Me or his death either way. I have literally been going through the ringer since I found him dead. Mentally and physically I am extremely exhausted. I am not going to give up but my fight is not as strong as it used to be. I miss him so much. He was my everything. I had a friend take me to the Dr's appt and she told me when we got back to my house that in a 10 min span I had said at least 10 things about him. I told her I wasnt going to apologize for it. I can't help it. He was my world. I just want him back. I know that will never be the case but I wish. I am going to leave her and his mom alone. They both blame me. I understand they're grieving too but there is no place to put the blame. He had worked 6 and 7 days a week 16 hours or more a day since the beginning of March 2018 and before that worked 5 and 6 days a week minimum for over 30 years in flooring mechanics. He was in so much pain the last year and ½ that he had said he would rather be dead than be in the pain he was in but he couldn't think like that because of his girls. His daughter beloved granddaughter his mom me and our two girls Precious and Cali. We were his girls as he called us. Other than a beta fish his daughter got for me one time he was the only male in the family. I know I'm babbling but I just don't know where or who to talk with to tell these things. I miss him everyday but mostly in the mornings when I would wake him up with a cup of coffee and a cup of oj. We'd talk for an hour or more before he would have to leave for work. Then I'd go about my day but when he got home we'd talk about our days and just relax together. Those are really the hardest times of the day for me. I'm praying that everything will work out for the best. My new apt. The lung disease. Now whatever investigation that is going on. I really do appreciate the support. I don't know where else to turn. 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Gail 8588 Posted May 25, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 Goforth860, This is a good place to come and vent/share etc. We understand. My mind would run in circles thinking about my sweetie. It is really hard to think and talk in a normal logical manner when your world has been turned upside down and inside out. And absolutely everything reminds us of our missing person. Don't worry about babbling to us. We have been babblers too. You have been through so much in such a short time. Health worries, housing worries, the anger from his daughter, etc. Just do your best to focus on taking care of yourself today. Do what has to be done today, but be kind to yourself. Try to get sleep. Being sleep deprived only makes everything else harder. None of this is your fault. It is so unfair that everything has gotten so hard. Just focus on getting through today. Eventually it will not be this crushingly hard. Gail 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 25, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 14 hours ago, Goforth860 said: I understand they're grieving too but there is no place to put the blame. You are so right. And I'm glad you're unapologetic to your friend, she should not have counted, tell her she can get used to that because he still IS your world! If she has a problem with that she can bow out, the same way all of our friends did from the get go. I found a new best friend, we were besties for ten years, during which time she also lost her husband and I was there for her...seven years ago she moved to TX to remarry and although I'm happy for her, I miss her very much. It's weird the journey we go through in life and how it unwinds... 14 hours ago, Goforth860 said: I know I'm babbling but I just don't know where or who to talk with to tell these things. I felt this insatiable urge to talk to anyone who would listen in those early months, but with all friends disappearing, it was hard. I talk to my dog and myself mostly. My neighbors probably all think me a little crazy. Come here, talk away, we're here to listen... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Goforth860 Posted May 25, 2022 Author Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 Well I made it through the biopsy and am home. I started crying at the hospital. It was my first procedure without him. That was so hard. Knowing he wasn't there and would never be there again. God I miss him so much. Honestly I would trade places with him just for him to be here with his family. I just don't know how I'm supposed to do this. Go on without him. I'm struggling. I have a few neighbors who have been generous enough to help me get places and do things but it's not the same. 9 times out of 10 if you saw either one of us you saw the other one. Like I said we were each others constants. Today I'm doing my best to just let everything be. I can't stop thinking about John but as far as everything else I'm just trying to not think about. At least for today. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 25, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 I'm glad you made it through what had to be done and I totally get it...I cried when I had surgery alone and no George to be here for/with me. I made arrangements ahead of time but no one came through for me, went to bed hungry. It's a lonely feeling. I'm glad you're taking one day at a time. I remember the Bible saying to do that because each day has enough trouble of it's own, oh boy, do I get that! 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goforth860 Posted May 26, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 I you don't ask certain questions because you'll jinx yourself but I feel like this has been WAY too much on my plate. I'm honestly not sure how I'm supposed to take everything. I know ppl say take it with a grain of salt but ar this moment I'd need a 10 lb bag of salt. There's not a single second that he's not on my mind. I miss him so much it hurts to the core and I've been shaking to the core since I found him. 💔 God help me! Please if you believe in God Allah the mother Mary or the sun and moon please ask for me to have the strength to continue on. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members steveb Posted May 26, 2022 Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 2 hours ago, Goforth860 said: Please if you believe in God Allah the mother Mary or the sun and moon please ask for me to have the strength to continue on. Hugs and prayers heading your way Goforth860. You have displayed considerable strength already. I know we always don’t have a choice of what’s on our plate, but if you can, focus on only what’s absolutely necessary. We’re all thinking of you. God bless, steve 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 26, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 Please don't think about their investigation IF there even is one! You did not need anything else! His daughter is young and doesn't know what she's saying/doing. In our early grief it's hard to think straight. Just take each minute as it comes, remember to breathe, eat something, sip some water. That is all that is necessary for today. One day at a time. I so agree with Steve. You're in my thoughts and prayers already. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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