Jump to content

Some days I just can't believe its true


designer2

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I wake up and the first thing to hit me is I am alone. My darling son is gone. He was my companion for 27 years, and now nothing. I lost him in March of 2011 but some days, it feels like yesterday. He was so close to me that I feel like I died too. My life is as fragmented as these sentences I write. What do I do now God? How can there be a meaning to this? I feel like a woman gone mad; running this way and that...grasping for any distraction. Wanting to be near him, but only a lonely grave to visit. I feel as though my life is just a series of steps that I have to make every day. I never saw this coming. It all happened so fast. Dylan, mama is so sorry!!! I didn't know what was happening to you...I didn't even get to say good-bye. This is how losing your only child is. Horror, fear, pain, loneliness, regret, and so many more things, I can't count them. I have learned that unless you reach out and touch the living around you who walk this journey, it will consume you. I have these terrible days like today where I feel all these torturous things, but tomorrow perhaps hope will spring unexpected like it sometimes does. I will continue to hold on to the miracle of life, that is how God heals you. I must re-join the living.

Cindy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Cynthia - I lost my 16 yr old daughter, Shannon, 6 weeks ago today. I have another daughter that just turned 19. I had my two daughters, so I don't understand losing an only child. I do however understand the loss of a child and the heartache, loneliness and despair that follows us from that day forward. I do consider myself to have so-called "good days"....these days I am somewhat productive, but the torment inside is still there. Most days and nights are tortuous to endure. I try not to be angry, but I am. I try not to question why or how this happened, but I do. I try not to relive the "if onlys" and "what ifs", but I do. It's always there in my mind....she is always there in my mind, and the loss of her too. Please post in the Loss of an Adult Child Forum. Tell us about your sweet Dylan. Pour your heart and soul out to us. Many there are further along on the horrible journey than us. They offer love, acceptance, guidance and hope. You will be welcome there. Today really stinks for me. Gotta make myself go to work even though I have no energy or desire to do it. Hoping and praying that Dylan's spirit will surround you with the love and peace that you so desperately need to survive this journey.

Susan - Shannon's Mom

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I wake up and the first thing to hit me is I am alone. My darling son is gone. He was my companion for 27 years, and now nothing. I lost him in March of 2011 but some days, it feels like yesterday. He was so close to me that I feel like I died too. My life is as fragmented as these sentences I write. What do I do now God? How can there be a meaning to this? I feel like a woman gone mad; running this way and that...grasping for any distraction. Wanting to be near him, but only a lonely grave to visit. I feel as though my life is just a series of steps that I have to make every day. I never saw this coming. It all happened so fast. Dylan, mama is so sorry!!! I didn't know what was happening to you...I didn't even get to say good-bye. This is how losing your only child is. Horror, fear, pain, loneliness, regret, and so many more things, I can't count them. I have learned that unless you reach out and touch the living around you who walk this journey, it will consume you. I have these terrible days like today where I feel all these torturous things, but tomorrow perhaps hope will spring unexpected like it sometimes does. I will continue to hold on to the miracle of life, that is how God heals you. I must re-join the living.

Cindy

Hi Cindy, Susan is right. This is a long and hard road to walk. However, you are going to do it and do it successfully. I know it is really hard. Your son was the same age as mine. I am further along then you, but the pain is still there. It always will be. I long to see him again and just hear his voice. You cannot take responsibility for what happened. It is not your fault. The obvious love you show in the wording of your post says it all. I'm sure he knew that.

I completely understand your feelings of loss and emptiness. Even now after almost two years I still wake up every day and Jeff is the first thing that comes to my mind. After all...we are mothers. It will slowly improve and you will gradually put the pieces of your life together and move forward. It will be changed, but it will continue. You have to try to remain strong. Do it for him... AND for yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.