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Grief's impact on health


SDC

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21 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" ?

But not necessarily physically!  Inside, yes.  I've learned more on my grief journey than in the rest of my life put together, that says a lot as I've been through a lot in my life.  But living alone all these years has made me more self aware, learn survival skills and tools, and something about weathering all these storms alone has taught me perspective and resilience.  Not sure this is the path I would have chosen but it seems to be what God has for me.  I know it doesn't make earthly sense to most people, but in the early days I wondered WHY I was singled out to have to do life alone, while other couples get to live into their 90s together still!  In a way I feel God must have faith in me (maybe not but maybe I just like to think so!), at any rate, I'm somehow getting through this.  People think after this long I'd have a handle on it, but it's still one day at a time I have to do this, and it's still not "easy," I don't cry tears much anymore, but grief is always with me, inside, where I carry it...there is no ending point for this until we die and are with them again.  And it does get tiring sometimes.  Sometimes I want to throw a temper tantrum and cry out, "Why!  I want George back!!!"  But no one to listen, so I buck up and just get through it once again.

10 hours ago, DWS said:

Rather timely that I'm at the chapter in "It's OK That You're Not OK" that deals with grief's physical side effects. 

"Studies in neurobiology show that losing someone close to us changes our biochemistry; there are actual physical reasons for your insomnia, your exhaustion, and your racing heart. Respiration, heart rate, and nervous system responses are all partially regulated by close contact with familiar people and animals; these brain functions are all deeply affected when you've lost someone close.

Grief affects appetite, digestion, blood pressure, heart rate, respiration, muscle fatigue, and sleep – basically everything. If it's in the body, grief affects it."

Yes, absolutely!  Megan Devine gets it. ;)

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8 hours ago, tnd said:

I have way more anxiety than ever. This does not bode well for someone with lung disease.

Are you able to take Buspirone/Buspar?  It's about the mildest anti-anxiety Rx there is, not an SSRI, doesn't alter your brain, but it takes the edge off so you can better cope, I take the lowest dose, was prescribed 3/day but only take two, have been on it since 2008, have had no side effect.  My doctors agree it's better than taking something stronger so a better choice.  The first three years after George died were hell, so I'm glad I finally did something about it.  Believe me, I know all of the scriptures, have done prayer/meditation, walk twice/day every day, but I was diagnosed with GAD (had since a child) and grief just blew my anxiety full bore!

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HisPumpkin

First I felt every moment this pressure, like my heart was being squeezed from inside. Dr gave me propranolol, she thinks it’s an anxiety thing, but I still feel it almost every day. 

Insomnia, complete loss of appetite (in the first couple weeks I actually just lay in bed feeling passively suicidal and went for days without eating or drinking, kept almost passing out then I’d nibble something - I just wanted to goto sleep and not wake up). So I almost ended up in hospital for dehydration / malnutrition. 

I still have no enthusiasm for food but I’m better at eating each day now. 

I got a big white streak in my hair, and it’s started thinning out again. 

Like Jemiga I feel like I aged 10 years. My skin, my hair, I look at pictures taken of me and D in January and I don’t recognise myself anymore. And I really don’t like going out in the daylight, I prefer the dark, and the rain, I get to be invisible and there’s less people around so I feel less anxious, but with summer here I’m going to struggle. Which means I might isolate more. Which I’m already doing too much of 🙄 

Wacky whirligig of fun. 

 

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20 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

  Feel like I aged 10 years in the last year; more grey hair

Me, too. But that's okay. I think we've earned our grays. 

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I made it about 7-8 months before I could no longer ignore the symptoms.  My ears were ringing, I was having headaches, and becoming sensitive to loud noise.  I called and was prescribed low dose (10mg) Prozac and have been on it since.  Crazy to know if my ears start ringing now I know it's time to calm down and not got into a bad place.  Just recently I seriously had to cut back on the drinking.  I am feeling better about that decision.  It will also ruin your health.  I'm still under some pressure getting the bay cottage done.  I really hope I will have less anxiety when it's finished.  It's really hard work taking care of yourself 'cause you think why?  who cares?  we're all going to die someday.

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Thanks again to all who responded. Grieving is an isolated state of being and I feel less isolated when I'm reminded others deal with similar issues. I'm continually astounded by how most people think grief is like a flu--you're sick for awhile and then you return to your version of normal. Nope. 

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MaddHollander

Until I learned to control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me all my bursts of grief, anger and guilt played havoc with my blood sugar levels. I was a fortunate one.

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2 hours ago, DMB said:

It's really hard work taking care of yourself 'cause you think why?  who cares?  we're all going to die someday.

This is where I'm at today and it is most unpleasant. 

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21 hours ago, MaddHollander said:

Until I learned to control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me all my bursts of grief, anger and guilt played havoc with my blood sugar levels. I was a fortunate one.

This is the dilemma we diabetics face all the time...we constantly have to work at de-stressing, it doesn't help!  When I was shoveling snow and my sister died my BP went up so high I don't want to post it.  I felt okay but my readings showed different.  I decided 1) to pace myself shoveling even though I felt fine (ain't old age the pits!) and I didn't take my BP for a couple of days as worrying about it was stressing me worse and didn't help.  And I tried really hard to not worry about what I couldn't change (sister's death and leaving no POA, no one on her bank account and me in charge).  It will be months before her bills can be paid and inside I've just had to let go no matter who calls collecting, etc.  Within a week my BP was great.  So is it with our BS.  Everything affects it!  Illness/stress, everything, not just how we eat.  I do my best, that's all I can do.  It didn't help that my new PCP chewed me out because my glucose was 104 instead of 100 and because my A1C was 5.7 instead of 5.6.  I told him for 2 1/2 years I've kept UNDER 20 carbs/day and unless I go Carnivore, I can't do much better than that!  My insulin resistance has reversed (triglycerides/HDL should be under 1.5 and mine is 1.1) and I'm happy with the huge results I've seen!  I felt instead of trying to chide me he should have congratulated me!  As my former PCP would have done.  This one is not an active listener, I wish there were another choice here.

But you are so right!  Everything we go through AND how we respond to it/handle it affects our own health!  You are smart to figure that out early on. ;)

 

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I've been through a health scare over these past two weeks that has left me concerned and feeling vulnerable. Thankfully things are much improved at this point but I'm still waiting for results of what caused the problem (my doctor has been on holidays during this time so that has made things more difficult and nerve-racking as well). I have been very fortunate to have stayed in good health throughout all of these decades of my life (I'm now 61) but there's no doubt in my mind that the tremendous emotional stress I've endured with the loss of my partner Tom has likely triggered much of this and taken its toll on my body.

My doctor is part of a larger health team. They have an after hours clinic that runs for three hours after 5pm so I went there yesterday. It was confusing for me and I was slightly nervous but the doctor that was working there was very nice and efficient. He saw in my health record of the recent loss of my partner and offered me condolences. It actually surprised me but also reassured me that these huge losses in our lives are events that the medical community know are vitally important to our health and well-being. 

 

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I'm glad your doctor acknowledged your loss...I wonder that he considers it could be connected to what is going on with you now?

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4 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm glad your doctor acknowledged your loss...I wonder that he considers it could be connected to what is going on with you now?

I think it's more to do with how grief can weaken us physically and weaken our immunity systems. It's likely a good idea for anyone going through the trauma and impact of such great losses to inform their doctors so they can be aware and on alert. I think about my heavy bouts of crying and how much energy that exerts on my body...often times, I can feel somewhat better after that release but it can also be exhausting. Physically, we're going through a lot. 

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I used to eat a lot.  I have a high metabolism and active lifestyle so consuming large amounts of food was common.  When my wife died my body changed and my mental state declined as well.  I stopped eating and went days without food.  I lost over 30lbs and got weak.  I feel a lot of pressure and some pain in my head, exhaustion, insomnia, and my memory is garbage.  My doctor got me to start taking anti depressants and get blood work and a CT scan.  I'm not the same person I was and I'm just surviving as best I can.  My kids need me but fighting to be here is tough.  Stay strong my friends.

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I got numbness of feet, and arms and chest dystonia (trembling). No medication can solve the situation.

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Oh absolutely John's death and his illness (cancer) affected my health.  I have multiple auto-immune conditions and they were practically out of control for a while.  Part I'm sure was because I had ignored my own health over the months he was fighting for his life.  I ended up on a low dose of an anti-depressant (still am) with an anti-anxiety for stress/anxiety and to help with sleep (still take that too, but usually only at night now), and two blood pressure medications in addition to my edema med.  My pain levels spiked constantly so that I had to take more of my regular prescriptions too.

It's my belief, and I think medical science and research backs me up, that grief doesn't just affect our mental state, but our physical one as well.  All there is for it is to acknowledge that we probably need more medical help than we did before and muddle our way through until our bodies and our minds stabilize.  Things are better for me now and I've finally been able to start losing some of the 45 lb I gained while John was ill and in the 6 months after.  As with all things grief related, it takes time and self-care.

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I developed quite bad somatization disorder and health anxiety. I have had episodes of somatization in my life, but ever since I knew my little sister was terminal, my body has been wreaking havoc and still does. I have described it here in more detail. At the moment, I just hope and pray that, one day, it will subside.

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Because of my current health concerns, I felt the need again to bring back the topic of grief's possible impact on our physical well-being. My grief counselor has mentioned this a few times to me about how our grief has its way with our cortisol levels and about how this can result in inflammation of internal organs and yada yada. I think if I let her, she'd go on for hours because of her extensive research and passion on this topic. It's intriguing for sure and tells me the importance of being kind to and taking care of ourselves during this time.

Others in our lives may not be so understanding and that can add to our stress. Being aware and maybe even patting ourselves on the back on our more advanced knowledge in this hopefully can help shield off anything physically serious. Here is an article that explains it more scientifically.... https://www.zrtlab.com/blog/archive/the-physiology-of-grief/ . Just send that off to anyone who tries to downplay our grief. 

  

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@DWS Thank you for posting this for all of us, that is so thoughtful of you when you are in the middle of your own grief!    

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I've been having health problems. Chest pains I've never had before. They ran tests, nothing. They thought it was broken heart syndrome. I've since been given xanax and it's helped. My blood pressure is low. Probably from not eating. No iron in my body. Not enough blood in my body at all they said. And my anxiety...I've always been anxious but this is beyond that. I feel real fear. In my gut. When I think about what happened and how he's not alive anymore. It's only been 3 weeks. I'm not coping.

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Yes it can definitely affect our health, I got edema really bad when George died and my daughter got boils.  They did a stress test and I passed with flying colors, but I've been on BP Rxs ever since.  It's been 17 years.  I lost 16 lbs right away and then I did emotional eating, gained 75 lbs, which I lost three years ago and kept off.  I think it took me that long to care about my health and learn what to do about it.
Physical Reactions to Loss
 

 

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Yes it's so true, we have to rediscover who we are apart from them or re-create that person, we and our lives have been so altered the moment they drew their last breath.  I'm not who I was pre-George.  I am somewhere mixed up, in between, a mix of, entwined with him, yet also apart from him, impossible to put into words as I think I'm butchering it, but I think you all get the idea of my meaning.  At least I hope so.

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Hi and hugs, KayC...yes, I do get your message (at least, think I do), and I also haven't yet found the proper (English) words, terms and phrases to even start to adequately express all of my various and ever-changing thoughts and feelings -- whether I'm typing here, writing in a journal, or speaking with someone in-person.

What came to me the other day is that I've been having a waayyy too-difficult time trying to re-create myself and re-construct my life; so, I've since started thinking/journaling about if and how it'll be for me to just start to 'create anew'. As I say, I don't even know if it's possible, or to which degree it might be. (At least, not without a full, total and complete 'memory-bank wipe/erase'. <lol>.)     And then, to still and nevertheless keep it ('newly-created me' and my 'newly-created life') all still somehow 'integrated' in a functional and constructive way, and make sure that I don't actually end up splitting my psyche, heart and Soul even further than it already feels.

I know, right? 😀. Makes me bonkers even trying to find the words to think all of that. That is, I do sometimes make myself bonkers!

All the best, and have a great day. ❤️.

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I had no idea English was a second language for you!  You do amazing, better than most Americans, a lot of them have gotten sloppy with it.  Drives me bonkers!  Today I saw a very noticeable typo in a news headline, no one proofs anymore!

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KayC, you were right the first time. 🙂 -- English is my first, and for all practical purposes, my only language. I don't know what I was looking up many moons ago, and found that, in Greek, there are different words for the different types of 'love'; which I think is terrific. (I think it was Greek, but probably in other languages also. Italian comes to mind.) In any case, that's why I added the word 'English' in my earlier.

I'm with you, about those tieped spellink errirs!!!  Makes me go, "Ggrrrrr!!!" And sometimes I want to contact website owners/web-masters to fix their silliness; and, on top, even find myself 'correcting' people on TV when they speak grammatically incorrectly. Luckily my English is gooder than theirs. 🤣.

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2 hours ago, Ronni_W said:

Luckily my English is gooder than theirs.

:D  I do have a hard time typing since my 11 hand injuries (5 major).  My hands stutter now and sometimes I miss fixing one. ;)

You are right about the word, love, I haven't studied greek but have looked up a lot of words in it and in the Bible (from Greek) there are many words for love, 

  • Eros, or sexual passion. ...
  • Philia, or deep friendship...
  • Agape, or love for everyone...
  • Ludus, or playful love...
  • Pragma, or longstanding love. ...
  • Philautia, or love of the self...
     

 

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Just find it interesting that since my wife passed I've developed tinnitus and, more recently, was diagnosed with asthma. I'm short of breath and can't breathe deeply without my lungs hurting.

HOWEVER - it IS allergy season where I'm living and I'm highly allergic to pollens, grasses, dust, smoke. . . and all of these have contaminated the air since the start of May.

Will be curious to see where I'm at a month from now.

Anybody read Louise L. Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life"? (symptoms of illness and their emotional cause)

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I'm hoping your tinnitus is temporary. I'm sorry about the Asthma, I'm going in for spirometry testing to get COPD off my records since a doctor diagnosed me with Asthma before George died (no pulmonary tests) and when my doctor took me off the breathylizer over two years ago I discovered I do NOT have Asthma! Easier getting diagnosis on your records than off. 

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10 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

Just find it interesting that since my wife passed I've developed tinnitus and, more recently, was diagnosed with asthma. I'm short of breath and can't breathe deeply without my lungs hurting.

I'm sorry to hear this. Tinnitus is very annoying. Grief's impact on our health continues to intrigue me. 

Before the loss of my partner, I spent the previous 40 years of my adult life very healthy and stayed away from any medical care. Since my loss, I've had a series of health issues. First thing that cropped up was a hernia about three months into my grief. I finally go for a consultation with a surgeon next week after the appointment being postponed twice. Next was the embarrassing urinary disorder that lasted for two and a half weeks mid-summer last year. Less said about that the better but it did throw a cancer scare into the works so my doctors had me go through a series of tests last fall to rule it out. Thankfully, I'm clear. 

Then earlier this year, an eye floater developed in my right eye. What the heck's an eye floater I said??!! According to my optometrist, it's something that can happen to an aging eye and after my second exam of it, she became concerned with a small retinal tear in it and referred me for laser surgery. Thankfully, that's now in the past because that was no picnic getting it done. I have a followup appointment on it as well next week. Unfortunately, it didn't get rid of the annoying eye floater so I guess I put up with it the rest of my life.

And I also had to contend with an inverse eyelash on that same eye!! That had me going to the same eye clinic for them to pluck it out every 7 or 8 weeks. Thankfully, that bothersome eyelash seems to now be gone....fingers crossed. I'm totally baffled at the impact grief has had on me physically. 

 

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I used to have problems with an eye floater, according to my eye doctor I still have it but it doesn't seem to appear so as long as it stays out of my vision I'm okay with it.  Good luck to you, I'm glad the eyelash seems to be gone!

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I agree, good thread.  I had to smile at your Mother Theresa quote. She had a sense of humor as well.

I was my sister's caregiver, can't imagine being two people's!  She was a handful (disabled AND dementia!).  I'd cook something tasty and healthy and take it to her, only to have her ignore it and eat pastries.  Sigh...

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Griefsucks810
On 5/15/2022 at 6:46 PM, SDC said:

I'm curious to learn if/how grieving impacted other people's health. My spouse died in April 2020--I removed him from life support after
he sustained brain damage in an accident. He was 56 and in good health. My grief left me with anxiety (which is new to me) and high blood 
pressure (also new to me and only discovered after recently going to an urgent care for a something minor).

 

My grief has left me with a borderline high cholesterol level and bipolar I disorder along with gaining 25 pounds over a 2 year period.  

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Griefsucks810
On 5/16/2022 at 9:36 PM, DWS said:

Rather timely that I'm at the chapter in "It's OK That You're Not OK" that deals with grief's physical side effects. 

"Studies in neurobiology show that losing someone close to us changes our biochemistry; there are actual physical reasons for your insomnia, your exhaustion, and your racing heart. Respiration, heart rate, and nervous system responses are all partially regulated by close contact with familiar people and animals; these brain functions are all deeply affected when you've lost someone close.

Grief affects appetite, digestion, blood pressure, heart rate, respiration, muscle fatigue, and sleep – basically everything. If it's in the body, grief affects it."

My grief has affected my sleep and my body physically. 

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HisMunchkin

I just realized how old this thread was while reading from the beginning. 😛  I'm a bit relieved to hear that others also experienced a lot of anxiety.  Makes me feel less alone.

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