My wife's death

[1050_harley]

Last night I had a dream and I remember everything I seen in the dream as if it was real and right in front of me. I was teleported to the beach
Where I heard a voice from behind Me
I turned around to see it was my wife 
She looked exactly as she did in life 
I started to cry and she softly told me 
Don't cry I am with you always but when I asked her why she had to leave me all she could say was I'm sorry 
As she reached out to grab and hold me
As soon as her hands touched me I felt 
Instantly relieved of all my tears and I felt no sadness it was just a kinda warm feeling. We talked for a bit but she refused to answer one question "why"?
For me to ever get closure I have to know why. I remember she told me that I must go on I must let go of her that I deserve to be happy it was like she was trying to help me accept her death. I could feel her skin I could smell her scent and her voice was the most beautiful soothing voice I tell her that all I want is to be with her and she said I will be here when it's your time but now is not your time.
It was a little before the sun started to fade I was on my knees begging her not to go as she slowly just disappeared and 
I'm saying come back come back begging but she's gone.. 

Then I wake up in a tear drenched bed 
It's cold yet I'm sweating the Aircon is turned on. I swear to God I remember every detail about the dream it was the most real dream I have ever had in my life.  
Most nights as I sleep I can feel that 
She is with me sitting on my bed 
And sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind as I see her if I suddenly open my eyes like she's right there but when I try to fucus she is gone.
I'm not sure if I can do this. It is too much.

[KMkm]

It was her.  Believe in that.  I'm glad you got that.  She will be right beside you and when your day comes you wil be one again.  No one knows when they will be taken but some of us leave this plane of existence early and that's just the plan.  I don't know why my healthy young wife was taken two months after being diagnosed with cancer but I have to accept that it has to be that way.  I am angry, sad and completely miserable but my time will come and until then this trial will teach me and also you the strength we need.  Believe she is at peace and nothing can hurt her now.  We are all here for you to help you through this.  It will be hard but please keep fighting.  Take it one small step at a time no matter how small that step had to be.  Stay strong my friend.

[Jemiga70]

7 hours ago, 1050_harley said:

I remember everything I seen in the dream as if it was real and right in front of me.

@1050_harley  Sounds like a classic dream visitation.  So happy for you, brother.  Our most precious one was taken physically from us and Ive asked "why?" for the past year and no answer. I don't ask "why" too often anymore.  My wife also blessed me with dream visits the last year.  She is always healthy and young looking, strong and with a peaceful smile.  These are more than mere dreams.  Let's pray we get more of them. @KMkm  Thank you for your wise thoughts and advice.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, 1050_harley said:

Don't cry I am with you always

This is beautiful!  I believe this is a message.  We continue our relationship with them but in a different way than we did the physical realm.  We want them back as it was!  But I've learned to carry him inside of me, taking with me all the beauty of our relationship, all the things I learned from him, the balance he brought to me (some of that is still missing...I'm task-oriented/efficient, he was more sporadic, helped me stop and smell the roses!).  We used to go on walks with our dog, go for drives, I still find the "drives" not the same as we don't like enjoying things by ourselves, we want to share them!  But I still do the walks, with my puppy.  I know he never fully left me, I have to go by my own faith/hope/belief as I have no tangible "evidence" scientifically but bull to science, sometimes things are greater than man's knowledge/achievements!

Hold onto this dream.  (((hugs)))

13 hours ago, 1050_harley said:

I'm not sure if I can do this. It is too much.

It feels like that.  Lean on us, remember she is with you, take one day at a time, break it down into an hour or minute as needed.

[Jen H]

1050_harley, 

In the beginning, my first few dreams consisted of just asking him why he left me.  He would never answer or talk at all.  I don't think there is an answer for why.  It's just a part of life.  I've only had one wonderful encounter of him and I will treasure it forever even though I balled my eyes out when it was over.

 Glad you are feeling her presence.  I don't feel his as of yet besides that one time.  Talk to her when you feel her.  Try to have it be a positive healing experience for you.  

 

 

 

 

[Sparky1]

@1050_harley She definitely visited you in a common meeting place. I always wonder of these mysteries but there must be a realm we visit when we are asleep. The other night I lay down to sleep and after my nightly crying and talking to my wife, the night light in the hallway started having a life of it's own. I would say, honey I love you and miss you so much and the nightlight turned off for a fraction of a second. I talked some more and it would flicker after certain things I said. It's happened before with the same nightlight but trust me I'm an electrician and there's nothing wrong with that light. It also happens sometimes with a candle I burn every night in her honour. The flame flickers at different rates. The nightlight incident gave me the shivers, I was afraid and happy at the same time. I'm sure our loved ones are with us.