The nice weather is increasing the pain

[DWS]

I knew it would happen and here we are. Sunny skies and warmer temperatures in the upper half of the planet are drawing everyone outside. Summer's here and the time is right but I sure as hell won't be dancing in the street this year. Endless TV commercials and sales flyers advertising backyard essentials and treats to cool us off....all of it is killing me without Tom here to enjoy another summer season. I know the only answer is to work through this but holy sh*t this is hard. 

[KayC]

It's 34 here and I got snow for Mother's Day...so no nice weather here yet..  But I understand what you're saying, your loss is recent and as such you may feel leaving winter behind is kind of how I felt on New Year's Eve 2005, I didn't want to enter a year in which he hadn't lived.  And winter suits our mood more it seems.  But I feel you...

[Canadagirl81]

Hey...Glad you posted about this. I follow this great youtube channel all about grief with Jo McRogers and she just did a video all about dealing with grief during springtime.
I hope it brings some comfort to you <3

 

 

[DWS]

Thanks, Laura for the video. I've been following Jo too over these last few weeks but hadn't watched her newest clip. She definitely knows the timing of this is needed. 

[KayC]

Wow, perfect!

[William M]

Yep,  The warm weather has brought to life the glorious shade tree my wife planted in our back yard a few years back. It has grown full size in just a span of a few short years and provided needed shade for my wife when she sat outside with her new puppies as they played during there backyard visits  In late summer, it produces the most  abundant cascades of yellow flowers flowers you've ever seen, the flowers then turn into what looks like mini pinkish Chinese lanterns before they finally drop'

 

We used to marvel at this sight every fall, and it's going to be very tough to witness it this year.  Maybe one day I can enjoy the sight again with good memories of my wife?

 

The tree is a late blooming 'Golden Rain"

Last picture are the lanterns!!

 

[SSC]

Beautiful!

[DWS]

@William MThat tree is just gorgeous! What an amazing gift to have from your wife as a remembrance. 

[William M]

agreed

 

[CharliesM0m2012]

Charlie’s memorial bush I planted (Bowles Mauve Erysimum) is bearing its first flowers. The weather in the UK is biblical about now. The nice weather does not take away from the pain of being without my little girl.  Charlie absolutely loved the summer and she liked to sunbathe.  Everyone used to call her a ‘summer girl’ - she had been born in August so it felt very fitting.  The springs and summers will never feel the same without my summer girl sunbathing in our garden. 😢😭

[DWS]

Mowed the lawn, washed the van, came inside and cried my eyes out. Guess this is living with grief. 

[KayC]

Mother's Day and Monday I had snow, today is supposed to be 69!  I let my fire go out last night.  Maybe I'll start seeing the signs of Spring yet...

[HisPumpkin]

You know, about a week into D’s passing, I looked out the window and noticed all the green on the trees. Last time I remembered looking at them they were winter bare. I remember having a breakdown because it seemed so wrong that everything was coming back to life and he was gone. 

I’m struggling a lot with the longer, lighter days and the sunshine. The dark is easier for me, the rain is easier. I was so looking forward to this summer and all the things we had planned. Seasons changing is a painful reminder that everything moves on, when I am still stuck on that day. 

I’m glad you posted this and that other people get it. Folk keep telling me “oh, the weathers getting nicer, get out for some fresh air, you’ll feel better”. But generally I feel worse. 
 

[widower2]

On 5/13/2022 at 10:17 AM, DWS said:

I knew it would happen and here we are. Sunny skies and warmer temperatures in the upper half of the planet are drawing everyone outside. Summer's here and the time is right but I sure as hell won't be dancing in the street this year. Endless TV commercials and sales flyers advertising backyard essentials and treats to cool us off....all of it is killing me without Tom here to enjoy another summer season. I know the only answer is to work through this but holy sh*t this is hard. 

I'm so sorry DWS. It was similar for me. I remember the first time I went into Lowes, a place we'd been many times for this or that, including plants and flowers to plant in spring, and I just broke down (thank God nobody else was in the aisle and I was able to quickly regroup and get the hell out of there). That all said, over the long haul I found winter harder...the coldness, the short dark days, ugh. I hated spring and summer without her of course, but at least I could get out of the house, do yard work or whatever and have something to do besides be cooped up in the house. And gradually I started to connect with new people which helped too.

[KayC]

It's still hard to sit out on the patio and watch the hummingbirds feed, it's something we used to do together in our porch swing...I haven't done that since.  17 years.  Perhaps I should try it and invite him to come sit with me this summer.

[DWS]

8 hours ago, widower2 said:

I remember the first time I went into Lowes, a place we'd been many times for this or that, including plants and flowers to plant in spring, and I just broke down (thank God nobody else was in the aisle and I was able to quickly regroup and get the hell out of there).

I can certainly understand having a meltdown in Lowes and others similar to it as they are the places where couples and families build and maintain the home setting. I always love browsing through those big box hardware stores but there won't be any browsing adventures for me for a while....and sadly this year, I'll be avoiding my favourite garden centre on the outskirts of my city. I usually make three or four visits during the spring and summer seasons...a place of comfort for me...but there are too many memories of being there with my partner. I used to be just fine going there on my own before he and I had met but it sure felt nice having someone else pushing the cart or holding the tray while I excitedly picked out the perfect annuals. Tom would stand there smiling knowing that I was in my happy place. 

[KayC]

[tnd]

On 5/13/2022 at 9:17 AM, DWS said:

off....all of it is killing me without Tom here to enjoy another summer season. I

Unfortunately, I know what you mean. There's already been an air show and now, an upcoming concert we might have enjoyed and summer is just getting started. It's going to be tough. The "one year mark" is fast approaching but with everything I've had to do, I don't really feel I've begun to fully grieve yet. And now here it is, summer flaunting itself in our faces. 

 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, tnd said:

The "one year mark" is fast approaching but with everything I've had to do, I don't really feel I've begun to fully grieve yet.

No, you've been hit with so many other issues, no doubt it's put it off...there will be a time you can grieve in peace in your own place and time...you are in survival mode and doing really well to handle that!

[DWS]

3 hours ago, tnd said:

Unfortunately, I know what you mean. There's already been an air show and now, an upcoming concert we might have enjoyed and summer is just getting started. It's going to be tough. The "one year mark" is fast approaching but with everything I've had to do, I don't really feel I've begun to fully grieve yet. And now here it is, summer flaunting itself in our faces. 

Another aspect within all of this is that things are looking a bit more normal this summer after two previous years of fears, precautions and lockdowns due to the pandemic. Events and summer festivals that happened every year were all put on hiatus. With less restrictions and vaccine protection, all of the events are scheduled to operate this year after two years of going virtual. In my efforts to take things one day at a time, I'm trying not to think about all of that but, of course, it's not easy.