Nobody understands me

[Dimples]

My mum passed away on 08 August this year in a hospital deep in Scotland. My siblings agreed to have her beautiful body cremated that side - against my wishes...3 to 1. The next time I saw my mum, was in a little container my sister carried through the arrivals at the airport.

Having being married for 48 years, my mum's death took it's toll on my dad - and he peacefully died in my arms on 25 August of heart failure - just 2 weeks after my mum's memorial service.

Yes - I may be 35, but I was not only the baby in the family - but I was their baby. The 3 of us lived together in our little 3 bedroom house we called home.

Nobody understands what I am going through. I miss them so so much.

[Jeff's Mom]

I just read your post. I am so very sorry for your loss. I do believe you have come to the right place to talk. We have all gone through heartbreaking losses ourselves. That is why when we say we understand, we truly mean it! I noticed you are from Scotland and it jumped out at me, as my husbands extended family are from MacDuff. We have visited several times over the years.

It must have been very difficult for you to lose both parents so close together. If it is a small comfort at least you can hold on to the fact they are reunited. I'm also sorry that your siblings decided not to respect your wishes regarding cremation. Frequently people are divided on that issue. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and have support from other family or friends. It is going to take time to adjust to living without them in your life...but you will eventually start to pick up the pieces and move forward. It is a long process and so do not be too hard or impatient with yourself. There is no definite time frame. Look forward to hearing from you again.

Kate

[ModKonnie]

My mum passed away on 08 August this year in a hospital deep in Scotland. My siblings agreed to have her beautiful body cremated that side - against my wishes...3 to 1. The next time I saw my mum, was in a little container my sister carried through the arrivals at the airport.

Having being married for 48 years, my mum's death took it's toll on my dad - and he peacefully died in my arms on 25 August of heart failure - just 2 weeks after my mum's memorial service.

Yes - I may be 35, but I was not only the baby in the family - but I was their baby. The 3 of us lived together in our little 3 bedroom house we called home.

Nobody understands what I am going through. I miss them so so much.

Dimples,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your parents. Your siblings may not understand, but there are people here who have been through similar experiences. I know that when my father died, there was a huge family feud over cremation or burial. It took awhile to resolve the hurt feelings on both sides. Why was your mother in a hospital deep in Scotland if you don't mind me asking? Where did you and your parents live?

I know that often many longterm couples pass within a short time frame of each other. I know you miss them both very much. Have you tried a grief and loss meeting or a counselor? Do you get out with friends at all? Perhaps you can write journal entries about how you feel. Or, simply keep talking to us. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[Dimples]

Hi ModKonnie

We lived in south Africa. My mum went over to Scotland to assist my sister as she had just given birth to a beautiful little girl. Unfortunately, she needed emergency heart valve replacement surgery - and did not make it out of theatre.

My dad's health spiraled out of control and I had given him anoth 6 months to live as he was pining so so much for my mum. But he only lasted 2 weeks.

I have not tried grief/councelling as I don't get out often. Just work and back home.

Everyday I get to work and write a letter to my parents - but all the letters are basically the same...telling them how much I miss them which ends in my tears smudging the ink.

[Dimples]

Hi Kate

I’m really happy that this is a start. I have not been for any counselling joined any groups.

I’m from South Africa. My mum visited my sister out in Scotland as she had just given birth to a new born. She needed emergency heart valve replacement – but did not make it out of theatre.

I do take comfort in that they’re together – not even death could keep them apart. What a fairy tale ending to such a pure love.

I have been very impatient in that I want to heal and heal now – but find myself falling asleep every night crying.

I’m pining for my folks L

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Dimples, how are you today? I was thinking that perhaps you may consider joining a group of some kind or taking a class. I started yoga classes to help me to learn to relax and sleep better. It is a class specifically designed for people my age. In my fifities... and it focuses on gentle excercises. Gosh we have a good time and more then a few laughs. You should see some of the things she has me doing. Everyone just waits to watch and see how I am going to attempt a certain move. Half of the class is spent in deep laughter. But it helps us all. And we often go out for lunch or a coffee after to talk. It is a good way to get to know people. It;s healthy and it's fun.

Taking a class in something that you have found of interest is another good way to meet new people. Not only are you learning, but it gives you an opportunity to again meet people and connect. Just a thought. Hope you have a lovely weekend.

Kate