my indoor kitty was killed by a coyote

[binxiegirlsmama]

i’m broken up and feel like i’ll never get over this loss. i rescued my Binxie girl in early 2019 and she’s been my little baby ever since. Binxie girl has always been an indoor cat, along with my other rescue kitty, Bowie. Binxie girl loved belly rubs, the only cat i’ve ever known who would purr endlessly and beg for belly rubs. she was very malnourished as a kitten and has always been extremely tiny, but she never knew it. she acted like she was queen of the world. because she was. at least the queen of my world. and she loved giving kisses. every night when i would lie down she would lick my forehead and the top of my head for as long as id let her. she loved giving those kisses. what i wouldn't do for just one more.

the past few months she’s been very curious about going outside. she isn’t fixed (i simply haven’t had enough money to get it done, and i feel truly gutted and guilty about it), and i think her desire to mate was stronger than her comfort for being inside. she got out a couple days ago, but i was convinced she was hiding in shrubs since she’d never been outside before. i walked the neighborhood calling her name and shaking her favorite food bag. i immediately posted on social media, talked to the neighbors, printed out flyers, and put them up all around the neighborhood. we live in the foothills and unfortunately there are so many coyotes out here. however, i have three dogs who are very protective of our property, so i let myself believe that she could still be alive and just in hiding.

yesterday morning, our neighbor found her tail. i am crushed. i fell apart at the seams. my 10 year old son’s heart is shattered. my poor baby died in such a gruesome way and i can’t help but blame myself. her water bowl was empty for 3-4 hours, did she wander because she was so thirsty because i was too distracted to fill up her bowl? i haven’t been able to get her fixed, she wandered looking for a mate. i can’t help but continue to beat myself up. i can’t stop crying. how long was she suffering? did she know i loved her? i hate imagining her running for her life in complete terror. what if it wasn’t a quick death? i’m just overcome with guilt and grief. we had a beautiful burial for her, buried her with a handwritten note, and have roses over her grave.

i’m not religious, but i do believe that there is some sort of afterlife…i hope one day i can see her again. i hope she knows how much i miss and love her. i hope she knows how truly amazing she was. will i ever be able to forgive myself?

[Eternalsoul]

She's so beautiful. I'm so sorry. It's awful to lose them in the physical but please keep some sort of comfort in knowing that she still exists and if you can find it in you to talk to her and to tell her how you feel. She's listening. She knows you love her. As I always say ....true love is eternal. She loves you and is there with you. 

I was not religious either but after my fur baby was taken from me I believed in God again. 

It's a long story but yes there is life after this. 

 

[Mandy25]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Binxie girl.  I know the pain and guilt from losing a beloved baby as I too am carrying these emotions due to the death of my amazing dog, Petey,  in December.  He had cancer and I feel that I failed him in his final days.  I know you are grieving, but please don’t add to that heavy load by feeling it was your fault. You had your cat indoors, but cats can slip out no matter what you do.  It is very doubtful that your cat wanted out because she was thirsty.  Also, even when fixed, cats are curious about the outdoors.  It is so sad that the coyote found her, but it is not your fault. Most likely she did not suffer, as the body tends to go in shock during trauma and she wouldn’t have felt any pain. I am not religious either, but I do believe in an afterlife and feel that your kitty is with you in spiritual form just as I feel Petey is with me.  I believe they are now happy and healthy and we will be reunited with them when it is our time to pass. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and the painful emotions you are experiencing.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, losing one's beloved pet is the hardest thing in the world it feels.  I've lost 24 over the years and my Arlie was the hardest hitting, we were so close.  My heart goes out to you.

You don't have to be religious to believe their spirits still live.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.  I can't think of a more apt way to describe it!  We don't have to understand it or explain it, just hope!

You hope it was quick, I believe it was.  I lost two cats to cougars, they grab them from behind and carry them off and the cat goes into shock, which protects them from what is happening.

It's common for those of us with early loss to berate ourselves, we go through all of the "what ifs" in an effort to find a different possible ending because the one that happened is too unpalatable, but there is none save the one that happened.  

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.