Empty hole in my soul

[At a loss91]

Please Baer with me as this is my first post here, lately life has been horrible to say the least within 6 months I have lost my grandfather then my step mother on Christmas of 2021 shortly after my real dad passed on January 28 2022 after that my stepfather passed away April 9 2022 with all of that happening I was barely hanging on by a thread and then just 2 weeks ago today  April 24 2022 my beautiful baby boy Cameron passed away at the age of 2 I’m hurting so badly if it wasn’t for my other son I’m not so sure I would be here to type this out.. the pain is unbearable I feel like I have nothing to live for and to make matters worse I’m being treated as a criminal because of my sons passing. I feel like my sanity is on a razors edge I wish I was making this up and I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare I have been living I do have family for support but internally I’m just a total mess I can’t sleep I feel guilt beyond belief I’m angry I’m sad I’m an emotional basket case there is so much more to this story maybe Simone out there has been through somthing similar I know there’s nothings anyone can really say to help and I don’t really have anything to say back. I want to be alone but I want to be around people these horrendous waves  of emotions come over me and I can barely stand up.. I’m in denial i just want my baby boy back i don’t feel like a dad anymore just a lost soul a shell of a human that’s been stripped of everything he stood and worked for…I can’t stop crying I need to be strong for my wife who’s also in pure denial I just don’t know what to do there is so much loss and so much pain I feel robbed everyone says I need to have faith in god but it’s really hard for me to believe there’s a god this cruel.

for anyone that reads this thank you I’m not sure how this site works so I’ll leave my email if anyone has any advice donniehumes91@gmail.com

[reader]

Dear Donnie,

Our deepest sympathies and condolences. We are very sorry for all your losses. It's too much for one person to bear.

Please know you are not alone and there is support in the community and through church. 

I'm sorry that no one posted sooner. I hope you are able to connect to some resources for you and your wife.

Sending all thoughts and prayers.