Hypocrisy Of The Lame

[tnd]

A few months after my husband's passing, someone told me they were tired of the "rut" I was in and wished that I'd come out of it and cheer up. That one really chafed. Well, funny how things work out for those lame people. This same person is more frequently than not in a bad mood, yells at her grandchildren, her dog, her grown sons and just about anybody in her path. She will exhaust herself swatting flies and gnats and interrogate those she'd like to blame for them and yet, say and do nothing about the large gap at the bottom of the front door that is letting those flies in or her own mess in her bedroom left to breed gnats from old food left in there. And so who is in a rut?? I may be ill with a rare lung disease, recently widowed and then penniless and was homeless but here I am, still standing. And now I am poised to move (hopefully real soon) into my own place and take care of myself and yes, while still grieving. Although it hasn't always been the case, I do appreciate life and will enjoy what I can. I will not be miserable and certainly not in some fly-swattage-of-a-rut! We can cry and grieve missing our loved ones but what little there may be left to enjoy in life, I hope all of you will. Don't just swat at flies. 

[KayC]

I will if they get in the house!   Those kind of people are best avoided, I'd cut them off.  You don't need that kind.  And for the record, I don't see you that way at all.  If people don't like us after being widowed, they're welcome to join us and try it!

[DWS]

What a coincidence because I just went through something similar yesterday. In my phone chat with a friend, I mentioned my sister's attempt at trying to cheer me up and his response was "well you have to do something" as if my sadness over the loss of my partner is ruining their good time!  For the record, this friend is not very intelligent (mentally and emotionally) so I always take that into account when I've talked to him in the past (I won't even go into the totally stupid and embarrassing thing that happened to him which was his reason for calling) but it really is, as you say, "hypocrisy of the lame" because the lives of both my sister and this friend have been pretty miserable.

The way I see it, what's happening here is that these people see an opportunity to feel better about themselves. Catching us at this low and weakened state gives them that rare opportunity for empowerment and try to level out the playing field. Unknown to them is that we grieve because we love and that still gives us tremendous strength and light that they lack. 

[PLin]

You are right Don. I have learned to love all of my emotions and don't invite those people in who aren't willing to hold space for that.

[tnd]

8 hours ago, KayC said:

people don't like us after being widowed, they're welcome to join us and try it!

Thanks, KayC. I feel that way about having Sarcoidosis too. While widowed! I already know who wouldn't last a day in my shoes. 

[tnd]

7 hours ago, DWS said:

 but it really is, as you say, "hypocrisy of the lame" because the lives of both my sister and this friend have been pretty miserable.

The way I see it, what's happening here is that these people see an opportunity to make themselves feel better about themselves. Catching us at this low and weakened state gives them that rare opportunity 

They have a lot insecurities. My SIL is one of these people. And she's quite brutal with her putdowns. And I've found Fran (the lady whose house I am staying at) the same way. But I'm learning to speak up. 

[widower2]

Good! Because in my experience if you turn the other cheek with obnoxious idiots, all you end up with is bruised cheeks. And them still as clueless as ever. IMO such people often need a slap in the face right back as it's the only hope for the clue bird to take a dump on their head that they so desperately need. 

 

[Gail 8588]

@tnd  Have you had recent contact with your brother and SIL?  I thought they didn't know where you are. 

[tnd]

1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

Have you had recent contact with your brother and SIL?  I thought they didn't know where you are. 

No, I have not been in contact with them. And as far as I know, they do not know where I am. I doubt I will ever speak to them again. I only brought up my SIL to use as an example of how an insecure person behaves. It is very blatant and obvious but nonetheless, cold and hurtful. She literally would always take a look around first to make sure no one could see or hear her before taking a jab at me. Too bad back then that I didn't have a way to record it. 

[tnd]

4 hours ago, widower2 said:

it's the only hope for the clue bird to take a dump on their head that they so desperately need. 

There she (Fran) was, barking at people while swatting flies and gnats that have come in thru that gaping opening at the bottom of the front door. I may have to point it out to her (again). Yup, I might have to be the one that dumps on her but not until she's got herself all worked up again and an audience present. 

[KayC]

10 hours ago, widower2 said:

Good! Because in my experience if you turn the other cheek with obnoxious idiots, all you end up with is bruised cheeks.

  I try to turn the other cheek like the bible says, but always have to have my say unless I consider it'll be a wasted effort on dumb ears, which is the case sometimes.  Sometimes I let small things go but not blatant disrespect and ignorance, although I realize my words fall on deaf ears sometimes.  Standing up is more important to me than being likeable.

 

6 hours ago, tnd said:

how an insecure person behaves.

Yep!  Insecurity is often the root of people's ill treatment, disregard, anger.

[PLin]

"Definitions belong to the definer not the defined." - Toni Morrison

[HisPumpkin]

I used to work with a woman like that: I call those people Dementors because they spend their whole lives leeching the joy from everyone around them just because they are bitter. I don’t want to be bitter. But when I’m real sad I tend to isolate because I don’t want to inflict my misery on other people. 

I do avoid them though. They also always seem to have a comparative to why their life is so much harder than everyone else’s, like stunning their toe would be so much more painful and debilitating than someone breaking a limb. 🙄

[KayC]

Yes it comes from the heart of the insecure and hurting to want to bring everyone else down.

[tnd]

On 5/9/2022 at 1:49 PM, HisPumpkin said:

I don’t want to be bitter

That's exactly what I say. I don't want to be bitter or angry or have hatred in me. That's why I am a forgiving person but it doesn't mean I  have to speak or  be with those I forgive. I just don't need the heaviness of dark thoughts weighing me down.