My little 'Big' Bro

[Staria2211]

Hi guys! I'm new here. Sorry to jump straight in with a new topic... Feeling really low at the moment and felt like I was out of places to turn.

My brother James and I were always super close. Not really your typically squabling Brother and Sister. When we both left home we actually moved in together for 2 years... thats how long we got along. There are things about me that only he knew and vice versa. Skelletons from the closet of our childhood that I would never tell another soul. James had many demons and was always rebelious. I bailed him out of trouble time and time again, because he was the kind of rebel that had a heart of gold and people couldnt help but love. He battled with drug and alcohol abuse and schitophrenia. For a while it seemed like he was never going to be ok. And then miraculously, around 18 months ago, he turned his life around! He took his medication religiously, got his liscence, put on alot of weight (which was a good thing) and stopped the drugs and alcohol completely!

Dad was so impressed with his massive turn around that he bought him a motorcycle....

3 weeks later, on the 28th of July this year he was riding to his friends place and was taken out by a four wheel drive who missed a red light, He was just 500 meters from home. The police say he died instantly.

3 months later and I am so lost. I feel like my entire life is falling apart. My performance at work is all over the place, I have been eating like utter CRAP and put on 7kg that I had worked really hard to lose. I'm having these terrible dreams that are like Groundhog day where I get him back, but he always dies at the end of the day no matter what I do. I'm trying to plan my wedding but even that upsets me because he was supposed to be our best man. I tried the whole psychologist thing and only lasted a session and a half. It just wasnt for me. My Finace is an AMAZING support to me but I feel guilty for always being down around her.

The worst part is I live in fear of something else going terribly wrong. Of losing my Fiance or my Dad.... I'm absolutely terrified of LIFE

I thought things would be different. I thought when you lost someome you were supposed to feel them around you and you were supposed to get signs and all that jazz. I went to a medium and she was so far of the mark and so full of it that I actually vomited in the mddle of the session. I dont feel that he's here at all. In any capacity..

How do I pull myself out of this hole? I have a life to live, bills to pay, wedding to plan, an overseas trip next month that i couldnt be LESS excited about (he was supposed to come with us).

I guess what I'm struggling with is WHY NOW? There was a time when I lived in fear of that knock on the door, but for the first time in his life he was doing well and looking forward to the future. I couldnt have been more surprised when Mum called me that night.

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[Trinmo]

Im so sorry to hear your story of losing your brother. It must be such a difficult time for you, especially having to organise a wedding so soon after ...I hope you don't mind if i share with you how it was for me.

I lost my brother very suddenly around 4 years ago and found it very difficult to focus at work for at least six months after he died. I quit the job I had 2 months after he died, thinking it might help the situation. The new job was a much better job and was great to have something new to think about but the quality of my work was not great as I still couldn't concentrate or be happy and cheery.

I started getting shortness of breath and kept feeling like I was about to faint, having terrible dizzy spells when I was with other people and in meetings. One day, about 5 months after my brother had died, I left work in an absolute panic. I went home and told my husband that I didn't know what was wrong with me but I thought I was going to die, or go crazy. I was having a full blown panic attack and couldn't leave the house for 3 days. I was finally dragged off to see a doctor and soon after a psychologist. I was always the stoic one in my family, the middle child and always the one who organised everyone to get together, always the one who mediated between family members and the one who made sure everything was ok for everybody ... I couldn't fathom that I was the one who was having the break down. I ended up taking anti-depressents for around eight months hat really helped me, and I continued to see the counsellor who helped me get through the feelings of anxiety and regret that I was still feeling. It was easier for me to talk about those things to a psychologist than to my husband.

Like you, I too thought that I would feel my brother around me but it took a terribly long time before i did. I used to see people that looked like him on the street or in a crowd or from the bus and had to make sure it wasn't him, even though I knew it wasn't! I feel him sometimes, like he is in the room with me. Mostly when im by myself and its quiet, but I also see him sometimes in the birds, or the sunset. Totally strange, I know, but it feels good so I take what I can get!

It was a such a difficult time and there were days where I didn't know how I was going to get through without breaking down or going mad ... but here I am, four years later. I can now truly believe that it has made me a stronger, more reliable, more resilient and empathetic person. Surprisingly enough, I still get down every now and then, I still have days where I cry and miss my brother and wonder why he had to die so young. I get symptoms of panic every now and again, (usually when Im stressed about something) but I am better at recognising the early signs and can work through them. I am so much better now, and Im able to make big decisions that I haven't been able to make for years!

I hope you get through ok. It will take some time, so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling lost or like life is falling apart.

go well

Trinmo

Hi guys! I'm new here. Sorry to jump straight in with a new topic... Feeling really low at the moment and felt like I was out of places to turn.

My brother James and I were always super close. Not really your typically squabling Brother and Sister. When we both left home we actually moved in together for 2 years... thats how long we got along. There are things about me that only he knew and vice versa. Skelletons from the closet of our childhood that I would never tell another soul. James had many demons and was always rebelious. I bailed him out of trouble time and time again, because he was the kind of rebel that had a heart of gold and people couldnt help but love. He battled with drug and alcohol abuse and schitophrenia. For a while it seemed like he was never going to be ok. And then miraculously, around 18 months ago, he turned his life around! He took his medication religiously, got his liscence, put on alot of weight (which was a good thing) and stopped the drugs and alcohol completely!

Dad was so impressed with his massive turn around that he bought him a motorcycle....

3 weeks later, on the 28th of July this year he was riding to his friends place and was taken out by a four wheel drive who missed a red light, He was just 500 meters from home. The police say he died instantly.

3 months later and I am so lost. I feel like my entire life is falling apart. My performance at work is all over the place, I have been eating like utter CRAP and put on 7kg that I had worked really hard to lose. I'm having these terrible dreams that are like Groundhog day where I get him back, but he always dies at the end of the day no matter what I do. I'm trying to plan my wedding but even that upsets me because he was supposed to be our best man. I tried the whole psychologist thing and only lasted a session and a half. It just wasnt for me. My Finace is an AMAZING support to me but I feel guilty for always being down around her.

The worst part is I live in fear of something else going terribly wrong. Of losing my Fiance or my Dad.... I'm absolutely terrified of LIFE

I thought things would be different. I thought when you lost someome you were supposed to feel them around you and you were supposed to get signs and all that jazz. I went to a medium and she was so far of the mark and so full of it that I actually vomited in the mddle of the session. I dont feel that he's here at all. In any capacity..

How do I pull myself out of this hole? I have a life to live, bills to pay, wedding to plan, an overseas trip next month that i couldnt be LESS excited about (he was supposed to come with us).

I guess what I'm struggling with is WHY NOW? There was a time when I lived in fear of that knock on the door, but for the first time in his life he was doing well and looking forward to the future. I couldnt have been more surprised when Mum called me that night.

.

-

[Larina]

I can relate to you in so many ways. My brother had many demons and struggles in life. He was getting his life back!! My loss is still very new my Little "BIG" brother died 2-13-2012. Only three weeks ago. I called him that because he was the youngest out of us and yet he was the biggest. He was only 3 pounds 15 ounces when he was born but at the time of his death he was 6'3 265 pounds. I am so lost without him and do not know how i can go on. I go in the morning to set up some kind of counseling. I cant do this on my own. Im always the strong one but right now i feel so week.

my prayers and heart goes out to you

Larina

[Shawnsfriend]

My bestfriend shawn was the big brother I never had. I know what it feels like. He died two months ago, but I just wanted to say what someone on this site told me. I had the same thoughts you had, that I was suppose to feel him around me and getting signs and stuff ... and i got NOTHING, i thought he wasnt here at all either. Then someone on here told me "you will start to feel him as soon as you let yourself start feeling again" ( i think it was Onedaysoon who said that to me) and she was right. My emotions were so screwed up and mixed, i couldnt feel. I had to calm down and open myself ...and thats when i started getting signs, that when i started feeling him.

Just wanted to say im sorry for your lost ... but when the time is right, you will feel him ...

I thought things would be different. I thought when you lost someome you were supposed to feel them around you and you were supposed to get signs and all that jazz. I went to a medium and she was so far of the mark and so full of it that I actually vomited in the mddle of the session. I dont feel that he's here at all. In any capacity..

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