My 16 year old cat died. I feel that it’s my fault.

[Lovepilkius]

I want to share my story of how my cat died. He was a Nebelung cat soon to be 17 exact (1 week away). He had kidney problems last stage but was still walking fine and eating but wasn’t eating alot. On saturday i took both of my cats and slept with them near me but when i wook up my cat fell in between my bed and wall upside down with the window open overnight. He was all cold and could barely walk, so that day i covered him in blankets and fed him. The next day after i came back from school, i found him having his leg trapped in between his litter box and having him lie on the ground with one leg stuck very strongly and hurting him. That day he couldn’t walk at all and was laying all day, so i took him to vet but it didn’t help much because he was injured and couldn’t move. That day he lied all day on a bed and would sometimes drink from a syringe. The next day he was doing worse and worse. And on Wednesday i waked up and saw him breathing hardly and barely alive so i pet him and I was very tired from crying so I went back to sleep. But then when i had waken up i had found him dead and felt very devastated that i couldn’t be infront of him petting him or atleast him laying in bed with me like two days before but i didn’t want to put him in bed wednesday because i didn’t want to disturb picking him up and making more pain for him. I am sad that he died while i was sleeping and was just staring at a wall without me being there, maybe my other cat was nearby him but i don’t know. I feel that this could of been avoided if i slept more carefully or if i had not went to school and taken care of him that day he fell there. I feel like he could of lived longer.

Rest in peace Pilkius

will always love you.

[foreverhis]

I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Pilkius.  I can tell just from what you wrote that you loved him very much with all your heart.  He would have known that too.  It's clear that you took the best care that you possibly could.

I understand all too well where you are in your grief right now.  You will run scenarios over and over in your mind trying to find a different outcome.  You will beat yourself up for being human (needing sleep, not knowing everything, having to leave him at times).  Most of us do.  We're the ones left here on earth and our hearts cannot accept what happened.  And so, we look in the mirror and point the finger of blame back at ourselves because who else could be responsible?  The fact is that you did everything you could, though I realize that will be hard to accept for a while.  Guilt is a big part of losing beloved pets because we know they rely on us to do our best--which is what you did.

Of course you wish you were with him when he took his last breath.  Still, your last words and actions were full of love.  I'm certain in all the years he was with you that you gave him only love.  That's not just "something," it's everything.  You were beyond exhausted at that point and your body was desperate for sleep.  It is not a failing on your part, but again, I do understand why you would feel that way right now.  Feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad, they simply are.  Please allow yourself to feel them.  Over time, grief tends to evolve into something we can carry forward with us, having it part of the whole of our lives with them.  At first, we tend to see only the painful, difficult, devastating times, which is typical because our grief is so new and raw.

I urge you to think about what you would say to a friend in this situation.  Be kind to yourself.  Love your other cat, who will need your help through grief too.  Help each other; love each other; remember and keep your love for Pilkius.  As hard as it is now, please also remember that we only feel deep grief when we've known deep love.  It's a risk, but I'd jump in heart first no matter what because that love is priceless.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, and for what he went through, and you now.  If it's any consolation, sometimes cats want to be alone to die, my Autumn was 14 and (her choice) was an outdoor cat, as such they age faster, she had arthritis and walked jerkily, I know she had pain from it.  She went off alone to die.  I knew her time was nearing as she just was tired, didn't feel well.  She used to like being indoors but when she was two her brother passed and she didn't want in the house or petted anymore, I think she blamed us somehow.  Anyway, I felt really bad for her, but couldn't make her world right after that.

I took my Arlie in to have him euthanized as he'd suffered enough with his cancer...the vets botched it, causing him extreme pain in the end, it's a horrible image, I only wanted to ease his suffering, not cause him more!  I cannot forgive them their horrible mistake, that was my baby, I know we're human but...

My point is, sometimes we do the best we know and still it doesn't go like we think it should..  I understand your feelings, they're common to those of us who have lost someone we're close to and love.

9 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I urge you to think about what you would say to a friend in this situation.  Be kind to yourself.  Love your other cat, who will need your help through grief too.  Help each other; love each other; remember and keep your love for Pilkius.  As hard as it is now, please also remember that we only feel deep grief when we've known deep love. 

I couldn't stress this more, perfect advice from someone very familiar with grief, it's what I would tell you too, had she not beat me to it! 

I lost my husband nearly 17 years ago, suddenly, unexpectedly, way too young, and I went through all the what-ifs too, and also with my animals that have passed.  Death is very hard for us to process, it's traumatic to our brains.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

[Lovepilkius]

 My passed away cat is the gray one. But one thing that I don’t understand why does my other cat seem unphased, only thing that he’s done is avoid the body of the other cat. Which im going to burry tomorrow.

[foreverhis]

What sweet pictures.  Beautiful.

As for your other cat, I'm not surprised.  First, because Pilkius is still there and he's probably not quite figured out that Pilkius has passed.  He is probably avoiding Pilkius' body because he doesn't "smell right" to his sensitive feline nose.  Once you have buried your handsome boy, your other cat will probably act differently.  Actually, allowing your other cat the time to understand is a good thing because he will not end up searching for Pilkius later.  Our Charlie (dog) died in the vet's emergency operating room (pulmonary embolism at nearly 15).  We opted for cremation, so the vet's office handled everything.  Later, my husband and I wished we'd had them wait so we could bring our cat to see and smell Charlie one last time to understand that he was gone.  As it was, she spent a month searching the house and waiting for Charlie to come home.  She prowled; she sniffed and sniffed at the furnace filter; she stared out the windows; she would lie down on his favorite spots; and when she wasn't doing those things, she was clinging to me or my husband.  She had always been an affectionate cat, but was emotionally fragile for a good few months.

Second, just like with humans, it can take time for animals to get through the initial shock of it.  Slightly delayed signs of grief are quite common.  As well, every person and animal grieves differently.  I urge you to look for unexpected signs like not eating, hiding in unusual places, and general lethargy. 

For both of you, it will be a difficult journey.  I hope you are able to help each other through it.

[KayC]

Once you have buried your cat, you might want to consider this for your remaining cat...
Grieving Pet

[AJWCat]

I am so so sorry about your loss of Pilkius. It was definitely not your fault. Sounds like he was very very sick. I imagine he did not feel alone at all. Just tired, very sick and ready to move on.  

Many people who come here don't have the ideal experience of their pet passing. I certainly did not.

The lucky ones are able to make it nice and peaceful and be there the moment it happens. But in the end, for us all, there is still the loss. As for your other cat, their emotions are hard to read - it's probably confusing to him and upsetting.  

[Lovepilkius]

 Before getting his legs paralyzed by those accidents he was pretty ill. He often didn’t use his litter box and only weighed 2kg and rarely ever wanted to play or if he wanted to got tired fast. Vomiting was also daily for my poor cat, he also slept a lot. Now my other cat is showing some weird behavior  like always coming to cuddle with me when i wake up and jumping on my lap every time he could. My other cat seems to avoid using their main litter box and using the secondary one instead. But i am not certain.

[foreverhis]

10 hours ago, Lovepilkius said:

Now my other cat is showing some weird behavior  like always coming to cuddle with me when i wake up and jumping on my lap every time he could. My other cat seems to avoid using their main litter box and using the secondary one instead. But i am not certain.

That sounds like grieving behavior to me.  Needing to be held, loved, cuddled are signs our pets have exhibited when a companion has been lost.  It's that they are so sensitive and they also feel our emotions, so they show their grief in that way.  Your cat is grieving and is trying to comfort you, IMO.  Right now, just be there for each other and love each other.  I promise it will help you both during this devastating time.  Well, I guess I can't promise, but I can say it always helps me.

Does the primary litter box smell at all of Pilkius?  It's possible that's the reason.  The other possibility is that it is simply a sign of grief.  Most of us and our pets act in strange ways, erratically even, during early grief.

I'm sending you both big virtual hugs and lots of love.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, Lovepilkius said:

He often didn’t use his litter box and only weighed 2kg

The same with Kitty, she'd weighed 9 lbs until her thyroid/kidney/liver started failing, got down to 4 1/2 lbs, which is roughly 2 kg, she was literally skin and bones.  She lost weight fast!  

You might try moving the main litter box, thoroughly cleaning it, see if it makes a difference?  Or just retiring it altogether if he doesn't need it.