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Still cant explain how it happenned


lezitam

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My mom passed away this Saturday, and everyone in my family is still stunned and in disbelief. They keep asking me what happenned and I honestly dont know what to say.

I am a recently graduated medical doctor and so all eyes are on me.

She started out with a simple cold, I took her to her regular physician and she prescribed her a treatment that seemed apropriate. The next day she seemed to be worse off and

so I took her again to see a different and fairly well known physician, who left her hopspitalized for three days, after which he sent her home to continue treatment.

The following morning she was hyperventilating and so she was admitted into the ICU service. The intensivist had to place her on mechanical ventilation. The initial 48 hr period he had

thought it would take her to get off the ventilator, turned into 15 long days. On the 13th day, the doctor explained that things were moving along fine but scheduled a tracheostomy to remove the

endotracheal tube. Day 14 went on fine with no mayor events, and on the morning of day 15 she passed, due to barotrauma from the mechanical ventilation.

I feel as if all fingers are pointed at me, and everyone expects me to have answers, and of course there are a few that believe me to responsible for the death of my mom.

So not only am I dealing with the loss of the most important in my life, am also being haunted by all these guilt issues and the questions of my family members.

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sadbeyondwords

My mom passed away this Saturday, and everyone in my family is still stunned and in disbelief. They keep asking me what happenned and I honestly dont know what to say.

I am a recently graduated medical doctor and so all eyes are on me.

She started out with a simple cold, I took her to her regular physician and she prescribed her a treatment that seemed apropriate. The next day she seemed to be worse off and

so I took her again to see a different and fairly well known physician, who left her hopspitalized for three days, after which he sent her home to continue treatment.

The following morning she was hyperventilating and so she was admitted into the ICU service. The intensivist had to place her on mechanical ventilation. The initial 48 hr period he had

thought it would take her to get off the ventilator, turned into 15 long days. On the 13th day, the doctor explained that things were moving along fine but scheduled a tracheostomy to remove the

endotracheal tube. Day 14 went on fine with no mayor events, and on the morning of day 15 she passed, due to barotrauma from the mechanical ventilation.

I feel as if all fingers are pointed at me, and everyone expects me to have answers, and of course there are a few that believe me to responsible for the death of my mom.

So not only am I dealing with the loss of the most important in my life, am also being haunted by all these guilt issues and the questions of my family members.

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your mom. I know all too well of the guilt you speak of. I am haunted by it. I understand. You have a terrible pressure on your shoulders that is unfair. You cannot be responsible for your mom's care. you are a daughter and that is it. you cannot be a doctor to your mom. this was the job of the docs in the hospital and they shoudl be explaining things. though I know all too well, they dont and we are left to question what we as a family members could have done that could have changed the course. I struggle with this all the time now. I question the terrible care that was given to my dad that led to my daddy's death. the suffering he went through. i wonder what I shoudl have done -get differnt doctors, yell more, complain more. it is such a burden on top of mourning. it is not fair to you. it is wrong. I am sorry you have to deal with this . my dad died one month ago and I struggle ever day with this so i cant offer really helpful advice. one day at a time..peace to you.

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I know all too well, they dont and we are left to question what we as a family members could have done that could have changed the course. I struggle with this all the time now. I question the terrible care that was given to my dad that led to my daddy's death. the suffering he went through. i wonder what I shoudl have done -get differnt doctors, yell more, complain more. it is such a burden on top of mourning.

I find myself explaining myself to everyone, and then retreating to some corner filled with guilt and shame. I feel eaxctly the same way as u do, maybe I should have questioned more the treatments that were offered to her, but then I wonder if this would have done any good. I hope that you too will find healing and comfort in the fact that you were present during your father's days of illness.

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jc101471comfort

I am so sorry for your loss. I want you to know that first and foremost this is not your fault. You did everything you could and sometime there is simply nothing that can be done to stop the inevitable. . It is so hard when some we love dies.

I know you are asking, why has this happened? Well certainly it is not because you did not do your very best. The reason we die is because Adam and Eve chose to disobey God and thus we have inherited this sinful condition. Remember that God never intended anyone to die, he wanted all humans to live on earth in paradise and that is exactly how Adam and Eve started out, under perfect and happy conditions. But they listened to Satan who told them that if they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and bad that they would be like God and that was not the case. We know this becuase god told them.. you can eat from any tree in this garden but from the tree of knowledge of good and bad you must not eat for in the day you do. You will positively die. (Gen 2:16,17).

So again please know in your heart this is not your fault. If Adam and Eve has listened to God they would still be alive today and so would all the thousands of wonderful people who have been lost to the enemy death. I encourage you to turn to God's word the bible to comfort and strenghten you. (2 corinthians 1:3,4). This scripture helps us to see how God and his son feel about death.

I want you to know that you will see your mom again very happy and health right here on the earth. Please reply and i will tell you how that can be possible.

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I am so very sorry for your loss. I am a nurse practitioner and we have had some really strange lower URI cases recently that have resulted in death of some fairly healthy middle age individuals. Bronch cultures and blood cultures are not showing anything- the pathologist had them sent to Vanderbilt and Mayo. Scary stuff.

I also understand your feelings of stress with family. My father passed away in April and I am the only "medical" person on his side of the family, so lots of questions. People not in healthcare do not understand that often times we don't have all of the answers. And that is hard on everyone. I know that you took good care of your mother and loved her very much. My prayers are with you.

My mom passed away this Saturday, and everyone in my family is still stunned and in disbelief. They keep asking me what happenned and I honestly dont know what to say.

I am a recently graduated medical doctor and so all eyes are on me.

She started out with a simple cold, I took her to her regular physician and she prescribed her a treatment that seemed apropriate. The next day she seemed to be worse off and

so I took her again to see a different and fairly well known physician, who left her hopspitalized for three days, after which he sent her home to continue treatment.

The following morning she was hyperventilating and so she was admitted into the ICU service. The intensivist had to place her on mechanical ventilation. The initial 48 hr period he had

thought it would take her to get off the ventilator, turned into 15 long days. On the 13th day, the doctor explained that things were moving along fine but scheduled a tracheostomy to remove the

endotracheal tube. Day 14 went on fine with no mayor events, and on the morning of day 15 she passed, due to barotrauma from the mechanical ventilation.

I feel as if all fingers are pointed at me, and everyone expects me to have answers, and of course there are a few that believe me to responsible for the death of my mom.

So not only am I dealing with the loss of the most important in my life, am also being haunted by all these guilt issues and the questions of my family members.

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My mom passed away this Saturday, and everyone in my family is still stunned and in disbelief. They keep asking me what happenned and I honestly dont know what to say.

I am a recently graduated medical doctor and so all eyes are on me.

She started out with a simple cold, I took her to her regular physician and she prescribed her a treatment that seemed apropriate. The next day she seemed to be worse off and

so I took her again to see a different and fairly well known physician, who left her hopspitalized for three days, after which he sent her home to continue treatment.

The following morning she was hyperventilating and so she was admitted into the ICU service. The intensivist had to place her on mechanical ventilation. The initial 48 hr period he had

thought it would take her to get off the ventilator, turned into 15 long days. On the 13th day, the doctor explained that things were moving along fine but scheduled a tracheostomy to remove the

endotracheal tube. Day 14 went on fine with no mayor events, and on the morning of day 15 she passed, due to barotrauma from the mechanical ventilation.

I feel as if all fingers are pointed at me, and everyone expects me to have answers, and of course there are a few that believe me to responsible for the death of my mom.

So not only am I dealing with the loss of the most important in my life, am also being haunted by all these guilt issues and the questions of my family members.

Lezita,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother. Please don't feel guilty, although I know that's easier said than done. How in the world could anyone blame you? I know that it's way easier to blame and question than to accept, though. You are dealing with a tremendous heartbreaking situation. I would just keep telling them what you have--that you are as shocked and stunned as they are.

Is anyone supportive of the trauma you have faced? I'm sure in many ways it was more difficult and frustrating because no matter how honed and perfect your skills or anyone's are--people still pass away unexpectedly and there is just no explanation other than it is what it is.

Are you able to get any rest right now? Are you having nightmares or are you sick to your stomach? Can you eat anything? These are normal things people go through, so please don't feel alone. We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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Thanks for all the replies, and your kind words.

I spoke with my sisters today about the feelings of guilt I've been dealing with.

They both reassured me and said they know that I did all that was within my reach.

And I sincerly believe their words. Still I wish there was some kind of switch I could

Turn on that would allow me to accept this.

I pray to God that he will allow me at least this.

Does the guilt ever fade?

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