Birthday coming up

[wdelaney72]

My mom's 60th birthday would have been this coming Friday she's been gone 4 months now and the pain has not subsided. I have been speaking with a hospice counselor and they recommend I do something for her birthday, which I want to do but am so afraid of my reaction. I have been hiding the crying from my children and am afraid I will break down in front of them which I don't want to do because I am supposed to be strong, I don't want them to see how much her death is hurting me. They deserve to be happy and to move on from this, I don't want them to have to relive the pain. I want to celebrate her birthday, but don't know how to handle the pain of her death. She was my best friend and the only person in this world I could trust, I just miss her so much..sorry I know I am rambling, I just wonder how others have dealt with times like this.

[tmeredith]

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Losing a parent is very hard and it is a huge adjustment. I lost my mom late last year and am not yet through with the grieving process (I am not sure you are ever through but I know that the heavy sadness does lighten). My experience with big important dates after a death is that the anticipation is usually much worse than the actual day. I would do what you feel comfortable with. For my mom's birthday after her death my immediate family went to a restaurant for brunch that my mom had been wanting to try. We had a toast to my mom talked a bit about her. It was bitter sweet. I was happy we were able to honor her memory and think she would have liked the celebration but it was sad because she could not be there. Overall it was a nice day and I felt better for having done it. I have small children and know what you mean about not wanting to cry in front of them but I think it is okay to let them see you cry every now and then. It lets them know that grieving is okay and that the death of your mom is a big important loss to you and likely your family. It also frees them to share whatever emotions and feelings they may have about the loss of their grandmother or a future loss they will encounter. It occurs to me that you could do something as simple as plant a flower in your yard that she liked or make her favorite recipe for dinner if that is what fells right to you. Make is something that is not stressful and that you feel honors her and that is comforting and meaningful to you. I am sure whatever you pick will be right for you and her. I wish you peace and comfort as your mom's birthday approaches. If you feel up to it let us know what you decided to do. Take care and God bless.