Losing husband to cancer

[RandJ]

I'm new and my husband has had stage IV colon cancer for 5 yrs and we were sure that he was going to beat it but within the last 4 months his options for treatment ran out after years of chemo, clinical trials, surgery...etc. his cancer metastasized to his liver and took it over. He's in Hospice and is actively dying with days left. He's 53 and I'm 62. We've been best friends for 30 years.

Seeing him go to skin and bones, can't eat, is bedridden and sleeps 24/7 is awful for anyone to see.

 

I'm at peace with him letting go and he is, too. But there always is the fear of not having him here.

 

I'm grateful for support and look forward to sharing with one another.

[MissAlex]

That's so hard to deal with. I lost my mother to cancer right at the beginning of the pandemic. I was her caretaker in the last year of her life and watching the chemo and the wasting away, it just breaks your heart. It's that feeling of helplessness that just about does you in. My mom and my husband were my everything, losing them took a part of me with them, I think. I know our loved ones would want us to go on and be happy but it's so hard to find happiness again when pieces of your heart are missing. I hope that you find all the strength and healing you need.

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear RandJ,

I'm so sorry that your husband is suffering from cancer. I too watched my grandfather go through the final stages of cancer. He confided in me his final wishes, because he didn't think my grandmother was strong enough to handle it. My grandmother didn't drive, so I picked her up and took her to the hospital each day to visit my grandfather. I advised you to continue to visit and speak to your husband daily. In the end, my grandmother was the only person he recognized. You might want to record your voice reading a Bible scripture or singing a special song. Hearing is one of the last things to go, so he may find comfort in listening to you. Since cancer is a very personal battle, I've found that a strong faith can help. I have experienced that prayer, which is communication with God, can have a very calming influence. As the Bible states: “Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.”—Philippians 4:6, 7. Please cherish the moments you have with your spouse. Your love for one another will help you to cope.