Jump to content

Estate Question


SadRN

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My mother and father were separated for many years, although still officially married when my father died. And my mother has had a close, romantic relationship with another man for 11+ years (I have known about it to some degree for a few years). She has now made this very public and wants me to be around him all of the time, talks about him constantly, is frequently worried about how my reactions will affect him, and he is now repairing my parents' house and a duplex they own. Now my mother wants me to sign some sort of contract that he can live in the house or duplex if she dies. There are no plans to marry. We are about to close the estate, and things were going fine with my mother and I until the last week. She is constantly blaming things on my father and saying awful things about him and his life choices in front of me. My father died, and I am grieving, and all she can think of is how it is sooo terrible he let some things go (shower in the bathroom needed repair, etc.). He left her very well off and she makes a good living. He had cancer head-to-toe that was diagnosed right before he died- so he had been sick for a while and we didn't really know. I just hate it that she takes anything I say so personally and feels I should just be adjusting to all of this with no problem. Does anyone have any advice? Am I overreacting? I miss my dad. He wasn't perfect, and neither is she.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

No I don't think you are overreacting. When we were getting my mom's house ready to sell the realtor who was a good friend of my mom's said some really awful things about some of my mom's decorating choices. My mom's taste was not my taste but I loved her house because it was her and I found the comments hurtful and unnecessary. It still upsets me if I stop and think about it. Your mom is being insensitive. As your mom she should know better but no-one is perfect. I am not sure what your relationship is with her but if you think letting her know could help do so. Your mom had a different relationship with your dad but she should be respectful of your relationship with him and your need to grieve. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I am not sure what the best thing to do in relationship with your mom....other than know she is not right on this one in my opinion. Take care and hang in there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My mother and father were separated for many years, although still officially married when my father died. And my mother has had a close, romantic relationship with another man for 11+ years (I have known about it to some degree for a few years). She has now made this very public and wants me to be around him all of the time, talks about him constantly, is frequently worried about how my reactions will affect him, and he is now repairing my parents' house and a duplex they own. Now my mother wants me to sign some sort of contract that he can live in the house or duplex if she dies. There are no plans to marry. We are about to close the estate, and things were going fine with my mother and I until the last week. She is constantly blaming things on my father and saying awful things about him and his life choices in front of me. My father died, and I am grieving, and all she can think of is how it is sooo terrible he let some things go (shower in the bathroom needed repair, etc.). He left her very well off and she makes a good living. He had cancer head-to-toe that was diagnosed right before he died- so he had been sick for a while and we didn't really know. I just hate it that she takes anything I say so personally and feels I should just be adjusting to all of this with no problem. Does anyone have any advice? Am I overreacting? I miss my dad. He wasn't perfect, and neither is she.

This is tough for you. I don't know what to tell you. My family has pretty much shut me out, so I can understand. The only difference - my sister and brother would complain about Dad before he got sick. Now he is the Prodigal son, she is the doctor/insurance guru and I am nothing. Maybe try telling mom that when they were separated she did not malign him and doing so now -to you - hurts you. Try this in a calm manner and voice. Personally, it won't work for me but maybe it will for you. Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It's hard enough to deal with your dad passing but then having to deal with the behaviors of your mom, for me, would really keep those wounds from healing. If you haven’t signed anything already, I would honestly consult an estate attorney. If the property were in both of their names, then that is that, but if you have to sign anything I see a red flag go up.

If something were to happen to your Mom and you would have to handle the estate (since they are not married) I can see legal issues you may have to juggle in addition to another parent passing.

My dad passed in 2007 and my mom just this past July and I'm executor of the will / trustee of the estate. My folks had everything put into a irrevocable living trust so it was easy (no probate to have to deal with) but dealing with all the insurance companies, what to do with my parent's IRAs, and now the selling of my parents properties -- it's a lot IN ADDITION to dealing with not having my mom around this holiday season.

Anyway, something to think about. It may save you a ton of work later and lots of heartache and $$....

Keep your dad close to your heart so you can wrap your arms around him when you need it... :wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.