Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

When does it feel real?


anonymous.

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hi everyone, 

I lost my father almost two years ago to cancer very suddenly and I still can't believe it. He was extremely healthy, loved to go outside and he coached my soccer team all my life. My dad was my best friend and biggest supporter. He started getting headaches for a couple months, and they got so bad he went to the hospital and they diagnosed him a week later. He died four months after that. Seeing him go to chemo, radiation, and immunotherapy, and try and stay strong for us made me have so much hope. Even towards the end, he had so much hope until the doctors told him he had weeks. He still stayed very strong, and helped my mom plan our future financially, and made sure his will and everything was in order. 

It feels like it has been a lifetime since I've had my dad, and I still can't believe it happened. Every time I really think about it or process it I cry uncontrollably, and the rest of the time I think I'm still in denial. Maybe I'm young (only 20), but I feel like this will never truly feel real. It will always be a separate lifetime of mine where I had my dad, and then now I feel as though I am a different person, living a different life. Does anyone else feel this way? Like there was a before, and an after? And the before seems like a dream? 

Sending lots of love to anyone that relates, or anyone just reading this. 

  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear anonymous,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Many of us feel the same way and this author I read said it best "grief is wound on our reality." It's been 5 years for me and I still have a hard time knowing I'm here on Earth without my dad. I still dream about how I could have saved him. My one friend said it took her 5 years to feel happy after her mom passed. And yet many others have said there is no fixed timeline to grief. I think we all just do the best we can get through each day. This Easter long weekend, I will bring my dad flowers.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Thinking of you. x 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Anonymous, 

My heart hurts for your loss and I am so sorry about your dad. He sounded like a great person who cared deeply for his family. He was a blessing in your life, as my dad was in mine. 

I lost my dad when I was 32 and I'm now 56. I can relate to that feeling of it being a separate lifetime when my dad was alive, so I get what you mean. So much has happened since then to make it feel like a lifetime ago, yet everything about him is always with me, all the memories, his funny sayings, his laugh... We were very close. The good memories of your dad will bring you comfort as the years go on. He is a part of you and always will be. 

My mom passed in 2019 but her death has been harder to reconcile. I'm coming on year 3 of her passing and I'm still in shock at times. 

I really relate to what Reader said about "grief being a wound on our reality." It is so very true. When someone close to us dies, we are thrust into a whole new reality against our will and have no choice in the matter. Someone else said "Grief is the price we pay for love." All the tears and pain we feel, is a testament to how much we loved (and still love) that person. 

 Take care and it will get easier Xo

  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
14 hours ago, reader said:

Dear anonymous,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Many of us feel the same way and this author I read said it best "grief is wound on our reality." It's been 5 years for me and I still have a hard time knowing I'm here on Earth without my dad. I still dream about how I could have saved him. My one friend said it took her 5 years to feel happy after her mom passed. And yet many others have said there is no fixed timeline to grief. I think we all just do the best we can get through each day. This Easter long weekend, I will bring my dad flowers.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Thinking of you. x 

 

reader, 

I've heard both as well- how many years it took someone or how it never fully heals. I can imagine there will always be a hole the heart encompassing everything we miss about our dad. I hope you enjoy your weekend, and I know your dad will enjoy the flowers and your thoughts. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
12 hours ago, Traz said:

Hi Anonymous, 

My heart hurts for your loss and I am so sorry about your dad. He sounded like a great person who cared deeply for his family. He was a blessing in your life, as my dad was in mine. 

I lost my dad when I was 32 and I'm now 56. I can relate to that feeling of it being a separate lifetime when my dad was alive, so I get what you mean. So much has happened since then to make it feel like a lifetime ago, yet everything about him is always with me, all the memories, his funny sayings, his laugh... We were very close. The good memories of your dad will bring you comfort as the years go on. He is a part of you and always will be. 

My mom passed in 2019 but her death has been harder to reconcile. I'm coming on year 3 of her passing and I'm still in shock at times. 

I really relate to what Reader said about "grief being a wound on our reality." It is so very true. When someone close to us dies, we are thrust into a whole new reality against our will and have no choice in the matter. Someone else said "Grief is the price we pay for love." All the tears and pain we feel, is a testament to how much we loved (and still love) that person. 

 Take care and it will get easier Xo

traz, 

Thank you for sharing your experience. I can imagine that we had very similar relationships with our dads. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of both your parents. I hope you can find comfort in the happiness and light your parents brought to this world- and to you, as this is one of my favorite things to think about with my own dad. 

When my dad was in the hospital I remember him saying how he wished that we weren't such a close family- because going through cancer/treatments/bills and all the emotions and hardship would be easier on my mom, brother, and I. This was true to his selfless nature- my dad would rather have gone through it alone than seen the impact it had on us. We all scolded him immediately- and I still would have gone through that experience over and over again if I could be there for my dad and provide comfort and love every second of the way. 

Although grief and trauma are so very taxing, I agree- it is just the price we pay for love.

 

  • Hugs 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.