Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Lost my older sister and my younger brother within 2 months of each other


opiedc5

Recommended Posts

  • Members

In September, I lost my older sister due to her health issues that were severely declining in 2021. She spent both of her birthdays in 2020 & 2021 in the hospital alone since Covid happened - no one was allowed in there with her. On top of that, being next of kin I had to make the decision whether to let her go or not because she was not getting any better. It was labor day weekend. I was torn between wanting my sister here but also not wanting her to suffer anymore. In the end, with her long term boyfriend, we decided to give her peace and let her go. My sister had a 14 year old son & a 15 year old daughter at the time. They lost their mother at a younger age than when I lost mine (19). 

My younger brother and I leaned on each other. We were like twins without actually being twins. He & I could talk about our mental health and the darkness we carry to each other without judgement. We made a promise to each other to not attempt suicide so we that either one of us didn't have to feel this type of pain again.

In the beginning of 2021, I had planned a move to Florida with my boyfriend for the end of 2021. My family knew this.

On the road trip down, my brother and I talked the whole way. This wasn't new as he and I spoke almost every day and before the move - we  saw each other almost every day. We just had that bond. 

The day I arrived in Florida, I got the news that my brother passed. But I couldn't believe it because at the time that he killed himself I had just spoken to him 20 minutes prior.

I carry such responsibility for his death naturally as his older protective sister. His death is a lot harder to accept and handle than my older sister's.

It's even harder to accept that me, the middle child, is the only left of my family. My sperm donor (as I refer my father as) has never been active in our lives so we don't claim him. My mother passed in 2014. So I am truly alone and that has to be the hardest reality to accept.

I'm in therapy but I still have frequent mental breakdowns about my siblings and I don't know who else to turn to because I don't want to keep repeating myself to those in my life that feels as though I should be better by now. As much as I explain that, it's not their life that has completely changed it's mine. I am the one who has to mourn them for the rest of my life. I am the one who will have to remember them for far longer than I have known them.

 

I feel like I am in purgatory. I don't know what to do.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear opiedc5,

I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. (((hugs)))  Please know we are with you. It's a lot for one person to go through and it's hard to find the right supports. I know for myself I often feel alone too.

I know you mentioned you're already in therapy, but I would try and seek out other support groups online and in the community. Maybe consider volunteering to expand your connections. These websites also helped me.

What's Your Grief

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

Grief in Common

MeetUp

Keep taking it day moment by moment. And know you are doing the best you can. Thinking of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.