How nature helps

[DWS]

This week was a bad one. I now realize the first month after Tom's passing was dealing with the shock of his unexpected departure. It's hard to describe but I could tell that my crying this past week was deeper and more intense sobbing...and they lasted longer. I guess the harsh and cruel reality really is hitting me now.

I own a small, old cottage-like house near the downtown core. The area here has never been the most desirable but it was what I could afford when I was single. I made it a home and said screw what anyone else thinks and judges. One of the things that I treasure is my backyard...surrounded by tall, old trees, I've made it my private paradise. They say in life to build your metaphorical garden and see what it attracts. Well, I did that and Tom was the butterfly. He loved it out there and I loved making it more attractive for him. 

I had wondered how I could possibly tend to the garden and yard this year without him here. I could barely even step out to the backyard because of the emotional pain and as spring approached over these past five weeks of his passing, I actually dreaded it for the first time. My favourite season has always been spring with all of the new growth and life in my gardens and this morning, I bravely stepped out there for a minute. The birds are in high, lively voice again and I forgot how beautiful that sound is. I felt them calling to me that it's going to be alright and telling me that nature will help me heal. I gotta trust that. 

Don

[Laura Vence]

I've been in France for a few months--my husband died in October. We owned this studio here together, and it's become like my nest. It's sometimes hard for me to go outside and enjoy the beauty around me here in France, and the sea which I so love, too. Some days I manage to do it, but the other day after I did, I just cried and felt so exhausted going home. 

Now I'm preparing to return to "my garden" in the states. I'm wondering what it will be like to return to the house in which he died (with Hospice care). What it will be like to tend my gardens--amplified by my desire to create "paradise" after my son died a decade ago, and now the pool I always wanted with my husband. What will it be like to be there without him, my husband, who stood with me through my son's death and so much else all these years? We bought the house together and made it what it is. 

Keep us posed on your gardening ... somehow its a symbol of so much. 

Some days I think of selling all, moving far away, and starting entirely over. As if I could--. But I don't think that's the answer either. I guess I'll have to see...

[DWS]

2 hours ago, Laura Vence said:

Some days I think of selling all, moving far away, and starting entirely over. As if I could--. But I don't think that's the answer either. I guess I'll have to see...

Everything just feels so upended, doesn't it? As is someone took our special, cozy little creations of sane, comfortable living and just threw it on the floor. All of the pieces scattered and now it's up to us to gather it up slowly knowing that there's one huge piece missing and not replaceable. Do we keep gathering and eventually see what this new creation will be? Will there be any comfort there like what we once had? Or do we completely start somewhere else because the pieces that we gather hold too many memories? I know, for myself, I need those pieces that hold the reminders of what was...no matter how much they hurt. 

[KayC]

I, too, find peace/comfort in nature, it was so perfect here with him, but being alone for 17 years it feels like I've withdrawn from people.  Maybe that's okay.  I just need a little of people now and then.  No one is George.

[Jen H]

Oh you are so right.  How I appreciate nature and find it so comforting and peaceful.  I dream of moving to the country and having a huge garden, pond, and a few farm animals roaming around.  My love and I would go camping every year.  I loved looking at the stars at night.  It was so much clearer and beautiful than in the city.  How I love spring too.  I have some bird feeders and I love just sitting and watching the beautiful birds   I hand feed a sweet squirrel who comes by.  Plan on starting a vegetable and fruit garden.  Hope it goes well as I don't have much of a green thumb and too much shade around my home.  The older I get the more I appreciate the little and free things that exist.  

[Canadagirl81]

Nature heals, absolutely Don. I get out in it pretty much every single day. Plant milkweed, it attracts butterflies
I think people forget how disconnecting from their phones or computers and getting out into nature absolutely grounds us and brings us unimaginable peace. I always always feel lighter after I walk outside. Sometimes I fight it and try to even talk myself out of getting out in it but then after I do I'm always thankful I did.
Glenn and I dreamed of having a large property with greenhouses to grow our own food and a barn studio with an outdoor stage for performing. Maybe I can make it a reality for us...I'm going to try my best. 
Thanks for this post. 

[widower2]

Agreed. From the earliest days I found comfort (or at least distraction) in nature, animals, yard work, gardening, etc. I'll take animals over people most days. I like putting out feed for the birds and small animals and watching them flock to it after I put it out. Oh my wild and crazy life lol

[KayC]

Gosh if we don't sound alike!    

[tnd]

On 4/2/2022 at 9:35 AM, DWS said:

The birds are in high, lively voice again and I forgot how beautiful that sound is. I felt them calling to me that it's going to be alright and telling me that nature will help me heal. I gotta trust that. 

DWS:  I almost had that same exact experience the other day. My husband and I loved watching birds. Before selling our house and moving into an apartment, we fed birds in our backyard. Well, I was sitting here in my tiny room and looked up and what did I see? Two white-winged doves courting. Doves mate for life. It made me so happy to see birds, any kind of birds again. Nature does help. It made me feel good because I know that somewhere my husband is still watching birds, too. Makes for a great escape. Your garden sounds like the perfect getaway! The tears will still come but you will find things like your garden to help. 

 

[KayC]

I've been hearing bird songs lately that I've never heard before!  Makes me wonder what kind of birds they are, it's really nice.

George and i always enjoyed watching the hummingbirds come feed, they're so beautiful and so quick!  We always had a feeder up.

[DWS]

There was a blue jay in my backyard yesterday. I hadn't seen one out there in quite a while but there it was sitting on its familiar tree branch close to where I'd spot it. Tom and I would marvel at their presence. Blue jays can be loud and brash...sometimes known as bullies to smaller birds...but they have magnificent beauty. Tom took up photography as a hobby so I have plenty of photos taken in the backyard. Those photos are like gold to me now.

 

[KayC]

Blue Jays are beautiful, but they have horrible voices, I have them on my place, so do the neighbors...makes me want to sneak over their and put bird food there so they'll make their abode over there!    I've joked about it to them, they actually feed them and don't seem to mind the racket...I think their house is more soundproof than mine.  There's a tree right outside my house that they like...

[Canadagirl81]

I saw a cardinal for the first time today. Glenn loved cardinals and they were very special and significant to him. I saw him the minute I really needed comfort today on my walk. He followed me for a bit from bush to bush as I walked. I can't believe this. 

[tnd]

Okay, I don't know what to believe but I think my husband may be present thru these postings of birds. Blue Jay's and Cardinals had a huge presence in our life together, among other specific wildlife. Perhaps I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself that I've neglected to see life's offers of comfort (nature and wildlife). 

[tnd]

On 4/9/2022 at 10:09 AM, KayC said:

There's a tree right outside my house that they like...

I've often heard the same thing be said of Mockingbirds. Call me crazy but I kind of like their noise

On 4/8/2022 at 11:26 AM, DWS said:

There was a blue jay in my backyard

Beautiful picture you took. Thanks for sharing it! Made my day.

[tnd]

I want to shed some light on the subject and suggest spending time in the sunshine. Because of a medication that I am on, I can't be in the sun very long. About 30 minutes max. I spent about 30 outside this morning and can tell you what little sun I got did help me feel better. It's the vitamin D  Sarcoidosis causes calcium to be malabsorbed. I have to take a special prescription or do About 30 minutes in the sun. I haven't been doing either. But after this morning outdoors I actually feel better. This is why I wanted to share with you. 

 

[KayC]

Not a lot of "sunshine" in the winter, but I'm outside every day, taking Kodie to his playdate, I'm outside with them, and also on our walks.  Even though the weather is sometimes horrid, we still go. I, too, cannot be in direct sun for long because of a Rx I'm on, also because skin cancer runs in my family, I get melanomas easily although most of them are from when I was outside unprotected as a child.  That's when the damage was done and it shows up later in life.

[tnd]

11 hours ago, KayC said:

Not a lot of "sunshine" in the winter, but I'm outside every day, taking Kodie to his playd

Then Kodie is your sunshine You only need about 30 minutes in the sun. But getting outdoors, especially  on a regular basis is great! I'm glad you have Kodie to take for walks. Ha...guess you could say he's a working dog. I miss mine but know I can't have another one (expense and physical reasons). Speaking of therapy tho, my female cat is asking for my attention. She's so good at gently pawing me and quietly asking. Makes me feel good to pet and talk to her. And she talks Back! 

[widower2]

11 hours ago, KayC said:

Not a lot of "sunshine" in the winter, but I'm outside every day, taking Kodie to his playdate, I'm outside with them, and also on our walks.  Even though the weather is sometimes horrid, we still go. I, too, cannot be in direct sun for long because of a Rx I'm on, also because skin cancer runs in my family, I get melanomas easily although most of them are from when I was outside unprotected as a child.  That's when the damage was done and it shows up later in life.

Kay maybe try to get outside but not in the direct sunlight could help? And stock up on Vitamin D.    

[DWS]

Another rough day yesterday but I was entertained by a groundhog that is living under my shed. It's obviously the bugger that tossed out a lot of dirt from underneath the shed last fall...like it was digging a basement under there. I've had them before in the backyard but interestingly enough, I haven't seen one for a few years. I read that they live a loner life...mating in the spring but they don't pair up. Guess this will be my new companion for a while. Wonder if it snores. 

[widower2]

How sad is this? I'm down to helping caterpillars. I seem to have more of them this year and more than once I saw one struggling going up against the wall where the driveway is or some such and relocated them to a tree where I thought they had a better chance for some food. I seem to be much more sensitive to the value of life - any life - since this loss. 

OK granted that doesn't include gnats or flies. Or asian beetles. But otherwise - 

[SSC]

Thanks to all for writing about your feelings on nature.  I too find great solace in nature, in my garden and in the outdoors in general.  I impatiently wait every year for spring so I can plant my flowers and garden, put out my bird feeders and spend as much time outdoors as possible.  I have a small home with a small garden/yard but it’s perfect for me without being too overwhelming.  I have two projects this summer to install a little free library my daughters gave me for my birthday and (cross my fingers) install a hybrid patio/sunroom.  It’s these small distractions that help me make it day to day.  I still can’t think too far ahead or plan too far into the future.

 

[KayC]

On 4/13/2022 at 8:07 PM, widower2 said:

Kay maybe try to get outside but not in the direct sunlight could help? And stock up on Vitamin D.    

I always do!  We walk at LEAST  1/2 hour twice a day!  We're above the fogline, so the air is usually clear, and beautiful, although sometimes pouring rain or snowing, icy up to half the year, but I'm used to it.  The only thing we don't walk in is lightening and that's more rare, wait a couple of hours and then go!

On 4/24/2022 at 7:49 AM, DWS said:

was entertained by a groundhog that is living under my shed.

I'll trade your groundhog for my raccoon!  He tore up the insulation above my storage where my water tank and pipes are, I can't get up there and raccoons are big and mean!  Been trying to get someone to take care of it but not having much luck.  Can't afford to hire someone to come up from the city.  These pesky critters can be a real nusance!  And I thought skunks were bad!  At least they don't begin to do the damage of that of a raccoon.

10 hours ago, widower2 said:

How sad is this? I'm down to helping caterpillars. I seem to have more of them this year and more than once I saw one struggling going up against the wall where the driveway is or some such and relocated them to a tree where I thought they had a better chance for some food. I seem to be much more sensitive to the value of life - any life - since this loss. 

OK granted that doesn't include gnats or flies. Or asian beetles. But otherwise - 

I don't know but you made me smile!  

 

12 minutes ago, SSC said:

I have two projects this summer to install a little free library my daughters gave me for my birthday and (cross my fingers) install a hybrid patio/sunroom.

Wow, I'm impressed!  You must still be young!

[tnd]

On 4/24/2022 at 9:49 AM, DWS said:

Guess this will be my new companion for a while. Wonder if it snores. 

Well there ya go! This gives you a good reason to do some research and maybe get a book or go on an outing to the library. I think it would be fun to observe your new furry friend and learn about him. You're so lucky to have him right there where you can watch. I love watching wildlife. Heck, my husband and I use to watch lizards for fun out on our patio at night. Then it was the toads. Then it was raccoons. Then it was possums ...the list goes on. 

[widower2]

9 hours ago, KayC said:

I always do!  We walk at LEAST  1/2 hour twice a day!  We're above the fogline, so the air is usually clear, and beautiful, although sometimes pouring rain or snowing, icy up to half the year, but I'm used to it.  The only thing we don't walk in is lightening and that's more rare, wait a couple of hours and then go!

You are SUCH a trooper...as opposed to those of us in the South, we are such weather weenies lol

[HisPumpkin]

I was reminded today that I’ve always found healing in nature, in quiet spaces. It’s a little hard, living in the city, but there are many little places here that are green, and quiet (including multiple centuries old overgrown cemeteries). 

D and I had a dream: little cabin in the country, little bit of land, baby ducks, baby goats (the ones that fall over when startled). He would grow veggies and fruits (I’m so not green thumbed but he was a country boy at heart). I’d have a little home office to work from home. We’d decorated the whole thing in our heads. 

I’ve been wanting to leave the city for a long time, but never put much in place before D as to practicalities (money, lack of motivation, job relocation etc). Now I’m torn, because he was here with me, between staying, and achieving parts of our shared dream, myself. I will know, I guess, when it’s time.

Anyway, I do have a little garden, shared between all the apartments in my building (8), but nobody is ever out there so I often sit and watch the birds. Remember him there with me. Think how he’d love to watch spring come to life. 

Today I walked through one of the old cemeteries. Sat and watched the magpies play. Breathed in, out, cried. Nobody cares if you cry in a cemetery even if it is old. Read all the headstones, stories of so many lives, people long since passed. There was one of those little free library things, I don’t know if you all have them - a little closed box that people can take and leave books in. 

I decided I’m going to buy multiple copies of the book D illustrated, and write some messages on the inside cover, and leave them in these places, to share with the world some of his art, some of the beauty he created. 

It feels like the right thing to do. I wouldn’t have found that if I hadn’t just taken the time to find that quiet space in the city, and breathe, and watch the birds. Little gifts. 

[HisPumpkin]

And I just read the whole thread after posting that and realised somebody else has also mentioned a free library! 

[tnd]

6 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

decided I’m going to buy multiple copies of the book D illustrated, and write some messages on the inside cover, and leave them in these places, to share with the world some of his art, some of the beauty he created. 

What an excellent way to honor your loved one! Btw: there is a lot of nature to be found in the city. You have to slow down enough to see it but like you've discovered, it's there. Thanks goodness because I am too old and tired to move and be out in the country by myself. 

[KayC]

15 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

breathe, and watch the birds. Little gifts. 

I love this.  And for me, I learned to roar at cougars!    Seriously, it helped!

[DWS]

Look at this little one that came out in the early evening to see how I was doing yesterday. I was watching a bit of TV in my den at the back of the house and saw it hopping around the backyard.  I  was so touched that it decided to perch on the garden stone just off the back deck so I slowly crept up to the patio door and took its glamour shot. It was about 20 feet away from the door. 

 

[KayC]

How sweet!  These kinds of things are a gift!