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My sister Peggy passed yesterday 9:30 am


KayC

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My sister died yesterday morning.  Didn't get to sit down until 10 pm (I'm usually sleeping at 8), didn't sleep much.  People bombarded me yesterday!  Went and cleaned out her refrigerator and took out her garbage.  Her best friend discovered them removing her body (Medic Alert triggered but they told me NOTHING!...they always have in the past!  Said hippa laws...)  You shouldn't get a robotic "Medic Alert" call with NO INFORMATION ON IT, no one you can talk to or find out anything from!  No way to learn of a death.  Her poor friend, I'm going to call her this morning.  She is like a sister to Peggy.  

Her 1995 will was on the table, she never got her revised one done.  I'm named executor, I'm not up to the task, nor am I up to cleaning out the place with these hands.  I will have the family come and take the mementos they want and we will spread their ashes, she's at the mortuary (sheriff got to pick the one, they wouldn't leave it to the family even though I was her contact!), will have to pay for cremation, no one is on her bank account, no one is POA.  I took her will for safe keeping.  The sheriff went through EVERYTHING in her house!  He didn't come up to my house to notify me until 3:00 pm, it was 9:30 am when she died!  By then, I'd been on the phone notifying people all day.  I need to call her friends, hasn't been time, my little sister had it all over FB yesterday while Polly and I were dealing with things on the phone...

Peggy young woman.jpg

Peggy as little girl.jpg

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KayC,

As I said on the other post, I am sorry for your loss. I don't understand why you weren't notified but it follows everything we have been saying since I first talked to you. Nobody seems to understand how hard this is, even the professionals. Sadly even if there was POA, it ends when someone dies, as I have found out too many times. Please make sure if you don't want the responsibility of executor that you not sign anything to accept. I got dragged into MIL because the Lawyer pretty much lied to me and once I signed I am stuck now. If you can't do it let the Court figure it out. I know each state is different but maybe they will understand why you don't want to do it. we are here for you as you know.

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@KayC I am so sorry you lost your dear sister. Even worse is how you were told (and not told). Even though it’s been a struggle and emotionally draining time these last months, you must be feeling shocked and also angry about yesterday.

There are no right words or anything that can truly comfort you today, so I will just say that I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.((HUGS))

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How Medic Alert handled this was horrible, I am furious with them but no energy to waste on them.  I tried....

John, my brother is going to be executor, he's 15 years younger than me and has done it before, I tried to get Peggy to name him but she never got her will redone, I don't know how it works since she named me, but I'll let him figure that out.  I'm exhausted.  A house with 50 years of living and never throwing anything away, the dust!!  I've thrown out tons of expired food, not by months but by YEARS!  Made a dent is all.

My plan is once the ashes come back have the family get together and go through what they want for family mementos and spread their ashes at the Park.  The church offered to cater a meal for us.  One sister is deathly afraid of Covid...if she doesn't want to eat, she can stay at Peggy's and bring a sack lunch, I know they would be willing to mask up for serving, it'd be so much easier if we could eat at the church for cleanup, etc, I have a key.  There isn't a local restaurant we could eat at with this many people.  Not like the church hasn't been cleaning/disinfecting, etc. the last two years!  I'm doing my best with things, I don't notice anyone here helping me.

I've made the phone calls, I still have to cancel her health ins. and cable tv.  Ordered a dumpster be delivered.  Right now the garbage is overflowing!  I've located some of the recent bills, have the marriage, divorce, remarriage, death cert (Bert) and will, and her address book!  Will leave elec. and phone and garbage for now.  Found homeowners ins. bill, should be good a few more months.  So tired!  Back over there today...

Kodie has been a trooper, this has been hard on him, he's such a good boy!  Aunt Peggy would be proud of him.

I keep thinking of things to tell her and then I remember...

I've had her all my life, we talked every day, usually for 45-60 minutes.  I don't know how I'll wait the rest of my life, but I have to for my husband and Arlie and Kitty too...

 

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KayC,

Sadly, you have been through so much. I do understand what you said about having things to say and then remembering...I have similar issues in many ways, obviously first being my loving wife but also my friend of 37 years who we made him call us at least twice a day. When I lost them both at around the same time it messed me up and I still am. I know you will still probably talk to Peggy but it isn't quite the same when they don't answer though. I talk to my loving wife everyday. I don't like what has happened to you or anyone in regards to the Medic Alert failing to provide the services paid for. I know that you will do what you can to take care of things and I hope you can get some help. I can only say that if it was remotely possible I would help you, if for no other reason than for the moral support you have given me through my journey. I know you will be busy and may not post as frequently as you usually do, but we are here for you as you have been for us. I hope Kodie is some comfort for you, I am glad that your Brother is willing to handle the legal aspect, if the Court allows him. I think if I could do MIL again I would tell the Attorney to have the Court assign an independent Representative and let them handle things. I am thinking of you and I hope that your strength and will gets you through this.

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8 minutes ago, John9 said:

it isn't quite the same when they don't answer though.

Tell me about it, I've been talking to a ghost for 17 years. :(  It's not like hearing someone caring, understanding...

So you have to have the court authorize the Executor even if the family agrees to it?  That's insane.  We've all seen how the courts do their jobs now...NOT!  We have to be able to pay her bills!

 

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4 minutes ago, KayC said:

So you have to have the court authorize the Executor even if the family agrees to it?  That's insane.  We've all seen how the courts do their jobs now...NOT!  We have to be able to pay her bills!

KayC,

I can only speak for the fiasco that I am going through here in Michigan, but if it goes to Probate here then yes a Judge has to authorize and issue the Letters of Authority to access any of Peggy's legal dealings. Nobody can legally discuss her accounts, doesn't mean they won't there is always the chance of a helpful person. But any bank accounts and technically SS and Health Insurance wants it all done legal. I hope you and your family don't have any of the issues I have had and am having. In Michigan they allow for a small estate, but MIL was too much even though there was nothing. It is another example of outdated policies, but that is a discussion for another time.

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I just got the news that a friend I've had for 45 years passed during the night.  I can't believe this, 2-3 days after Peggy.  I need to notify some people.  This never ends.

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Eternalsoul

@KayC

Hello!

I apologize I have not signed on for a few days I was feeling really low on energy and I was just really sad.

I'm back now. I have not responded to your post on the other topic but I will. I was kicked off earlier today due to maintenance. 

I want to tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You mentioned that you spoke to your sister everyday. I cannot imagine what you're going through or how you feel.

I do hope you know that several of us are grateful for you and are thinking of you in this hard time.

I am sorry to hear that the police officer didn't reach out to you right away. 

I am glad that there are other people who are able to step in and help for you.

bible-verse-about-mourning.jpg.9dd380a990809413f3465b4c96022bb1.jpg

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Kay,

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Hugs to you!!

Annie

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@KayCHow awful, first losing your sister, Peggy, and then losing your long time friend.  I am so sorry. It sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you clearing out your sister’s house.  I’m sure that it is emotionally painful to do so.  Hopefully your brother can be executor and at least take that burden off your hands.  I’m glad that you have help and that Kodie is there to comfort you.  You are in all our thoughts and prayers. 

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I've literally spent the whole week going there.  I'm the only one who knew everything about her and her home.  My brother will be executor but I will work closely with him as he really didn't know Peggy's life like I do (her bills, when due, her house, etc.).  Kodie has been a trooper throughout.  In a way it'll be easier for Mick to do the executor job NOT being as close to her as he wouldn't have the emotions I do.  But I'll be his right hand as he needs it.  Her will was not up to date so unfortunately three of his kids may be excluded if she named them by name, if it just says "nieces and nephews" it may be okay, she didn't think about three of them being born after she had the will drawn up.  I hope to God it'll be all nine nieces and nephews instead of just the six alive in  1995 when she drew this up.  I haven't read the will, haven't had time and my brain has been in shock all week.  This didn't occur to me until yesterday, after he took all the documents with him.

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6 minutes ago, KayC said:

haven't had time and my brain has been in shock all week.  This didn't occur to me until yesterday, after he took all the documents with him.

KayC,

If there is anyone who knows what grief brain is, it is the people here and sadly I am well aware of the lasting effects. I again don't know if as executor Mick will have any leeway in handling things as far as Nieces and Nephews. I hope so for family unity, but sadly death and wills and inheritances have ruined too many families. Even so called strong families, again I think it is a factor in the family dynamics of my loving wife's Aunts. I can only speculate but one of them received more help from the Grandparents when they were alive and the others thought it was unfair. As we know life isn't fair, but they will maybe have to answer when they stand before God and he asks them WHY. I hope that even though you will help Mick when needed, that your help isn't needed too much so the stress is a little less for you. But you will probably worry until everything is finally settled. I know my situation isn't the same as yours but I am really stressed about all of these delays and issues I am still having after a year of my friends estate. :mad:And that "little" issue of grieving too. Try to give Kodie some extra love as I am sure he will for you.

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HI @KayC I am so sorry to read about your sister, Peggy. I apologize, it's over 2 weeks now, but I did want to acknowledge what I am sure is still a difficult time for you and such a big loss. 

I've been so busy and my big news is I adopted a little Shiba/Chihuahua (maybe part Pom, too) from my friend who moved to Spain and was nervous taking her. She is 13 years old and apparently was so sickly my friend thought she might pass away before they left the US. She'd started feeding her better quality food freeze dried food and the dog basically got a new lease on life. 

She loves life here with us and she seems to be thriving. Luckily the cat and her get along reasonably well which was a pre-requisite. 

I've opened myself to more heartbreak yet again... to losing this sweet girl in the next few years. 

Anyway, sorry enough about me, I do hope you're doing okay.

 

 

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17 hours ago, AJWCat said:

my big news is I adopted a little Shiba/Chihuahua (maybe part Pom, too)

Aww, she found a good home with you!  Do you have a picture of her?

Enjoy your day today!

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OMG, how adorable!  Reminds me of a tiny version of Arlie! :D  His smile is what got me!  And his perky ears!

 

 

dog.jpg.500f05a77c969258d3df229fd161adfd.jpgArlington.jpg.e1cb1fb3e5d7dd15f0e6e283c17ce7d0.jpg

 

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22 minutes ago, KayC said:

OMG, how adorable!  Reminds me of a tiny version of Arlie! :D  His smile is what got me!  And his perky ears!

KayC,

That was one of the things my loving wife and I loved about our Chihuahua's. I used to say that our male was so cute he was "eat e upable" I liked playing with the ears, massaging them.

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She's so sweet. Totally deaf too! No idea why, her first 10 years I think she was mistreated. Some how got from LA to a rescue in Portland. 

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8 minutes ago, AJWCat said:

She's so sweet. Totally deaf too!

AJWCat,

My loving wife and I had a Catahoula leopard dog who was deaf and the male Chihuahua was like his "hearing ear dog". He always woke him up if someone came to the door, by getting right by him and barking really loud. I guess he felt the vibrations of the bark, because he would respond to them.

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My Lucky was abused in her early life, I suspect Arlie was neglected, he knew how to shake hands, but that's it, hadn't been in a house or car, I think someone tied him up in their backyard.  They didn't deserve to get him back, the most wonderful dog in the world!  Not that they looked for him...

I'm so glad she ended up with YOU!  Do you touch her to get her attention?

If you live in FL, how did you find her in Portland?  Maine or Oregon?

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Yes, she tends to keep facing forward and not people be behind her. My friend moved from Portland Oregon to Spain and stopped here on the way! 

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm so glad she ended up with YOU!  Do you touch her to get her attention?

KayC,

My loving wife and I had to stomp our foot on the floor so our Catahoula would feel it, or wave our hands to get his attention. I tried to teach him with the flashlight but that didn't really work.

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I told my puppy "Aunt Peggy is gone!" and it suddenly hit him!  He looked stunned and put his paw on me firmly and looked intently into my eyes, he did it again, and again!  I knew he finally realized it.  I held him and told him we would see her again but it'd be a LONG time, when we're done here.  So hard.  He adored her, and her him.

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8 hours ago, KayC said:

I told my puppy "Aunt Peggy is gone!" and it suddenly hit him!  He looked stunned and put his paw on me firmly and looked intently into my eyes, he did it again, and again!  I knew he finally realized it.  I held him and told him we would see her again but it'd be a LONG time, when we're done here.  So hard.  He adored her, and her him.

Our pets, almost all animals really, feel and know more than some people admit. I don’t mean us, of course, because we here know and are blessed with the unconditional love and support of our fur family.

Charlie Bear died at the vet’s office in the emergency operating room. We decided to have him cremated and the vet’s staff handled everything for us. Later we wished we had gone home and brought Penny to see and smell him one last time.

Our sweet girl searched for her canine “big  brother for weeks. She’d sit by the door, look put the windows, prowl the house, lie in his spots, and “talk” to us. It was heartbreaking seeing her in such pain, even as we were grieving deeply ourselves.

I know you and Kodie will comfort and help each other now.

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Miss Mocha (cat) loved Lucky (whippet/dalmation) and followed her everywhere, I mean she ADORED her!  When we had to have Lucky euthanized, we buried her in the back yard next to where George's ashes are scattered (I have a place in the back yard where lots of animals are buried and tombstones for each so it looks like a cemetary :D).  Miss Mocha went down to the spot, sniffed it, and peed on it..  I figure she was "claiming" her.  I wonder if ashes smell?  Animals smells so much greater than we can!

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