How did you face each day - what works on a daily basis?

[Geri22]

Hi, everyone, 

I need help to make it thru each day.  I lost my husband about 5 weeks ago from sudden illness (not covid) and we were together for 30 years.  The first month was so painful but I had a lot of support but as the 2nd month approached, everyone is moving on with their lives and I am left with a lot of time on my hand and to mourn.  It's so hard.  I find no joy in anything, just emptiness and constant sadness plus no energy as I hardly have any appetite.  I try going for a walk and it helps but most of the time, getting the energy to start that process is hard.  What do you do to face each day and move on?  I am not religious but boy, I wish I was at a time like this. My life has no color - just flat and constant sadness and fear. 

If you can give me tips to make it thru each day, it would be appreciated.  

[Canadagirl81]

Hi Geri, welcome.

I am sorry for your tremendous loss. How beautiful you have 30 years of memories with your husband. I lost my partner 7 weeks ago so....I'm right with you.
I think for me it's just accepting that there is no or little joy to be had at this time. Accepting exactly where I'm at emotionally and flowing with those emotions as they come is all I can do. 
I cry when I feel like crying. I scream when I feel like screaming. I do nothing when I feel like doing nothing. I watch movies that I've seen a million times that comfort me. I look at pictures and videos of Glenn to comfort me and when they cause me pain because the reality sets in, I stop. 
I know that grief isn't linear and our emotions regarding grief cycle through and change even minute to minute. I love myself as best I can through it all because I know that's what Glenn would have wanted. I'm still alive....he didn't get to continue on with his life so I want to honour him as best I can by continuing on as best I can. He passed suddenly too. 
It's exactly as you said...it's like someone has sucked the colour, sound, happiness and light from the world. It doesn't have to feel any other way than what it feels for all of us. 

The first few weeks after his passing I dove into watching ted talks on grief and documentaries about the afterlife, all of which brought me comfort and new perspectives. Now I just take it minute by minute. 
I take care of myself as best I can and I know I will improve as time goes on. I make sure I eat healthy and drink lots of water and I go easy on myself when I don't.  I walk and get outside because nature heals and comforts me and I shift my perspective to gratitude when I'm feeling especially low because I know that I am lucky to have a connection with someone who truly loves me, not everyone gets that.  Not everyone gets 30 years with the person they love. Some people have never been loved by anyone else. I haven't gotten back into my weight/cardio workouts yet but I know in time I will. 

I am not religious either, I am spiritual however and I believe we will be with our loved ones again after our human experience is done. I don't think we really know what's truly going on and I think after this there is much more to our journey.  

My tip is to just be the bestest friend to yourself as you can be and be patient, gentle and kind to yourself as you face your grief in the coming weeks, months and years.
Whatever emotions come, be them ugly, angry, miserable or numb just let them come and know that you are being energetically held by your husband as they work their way through you. Talk to him out loud, he hears you. Treat yourself the way you know he would want you to. The acceptance that this is our reality now is very hard to accept but day by day, we will. Time doesn't really heal anything as they say....it's just that it gives a little space around the pain inside of us so it's sharp edges don't cut us as often but there will always be things that cut. How could they not? Love yourself through them. Journaling helps too. 

This is a beautiful community of loving and empathetic people who get it.  A lot of my friends and family have also faded in their support but here I know I always have a place to come and talk about Glenn and the feelings I'm having.  You have us and we have you. 

Hugs and love to you,
Laura

[Jen H]

2 minutes ago, Canadagirl81 said:

I think for me it's just accepting that there is no or little joy to be had at this time. Accepting exactly where I'm at emotionally and flowing with those emotions as they come is all I can do. 

 

Well said.  I feel that is the first thing we have to do to be able to keep living through this hell the best we can.  I have really bad days to not so bad days so far.  Not good days yet.  I have accepted that is just reality and no matter what I do this is my life right now.  

I have moments of joy and I really try to be aware of them and appreciate and cherish them.  I push myself to get out from time to time and be around the few people who seem to care.  I don't feel guilty or wrong anymore when I do have a good time.  I try to do at least one positive thing everyday even if it is as simple as just cleaning my house, working out, or paying all the bills that need paid.  It's an accomplishment to me.  Even if I have a better day with positive feats, joy, and laughter, I know the next day might not be as good.  It might be an awful day.  I just get through that day and if the whole day was a bunch of nothing but feeling like s*** then that is just how it goes.  I go to sleep and hope tomorrow will be better.  I also come here almost daily to  know I'm not going insane or alone. Best wishes and lots of hugs to you!

 

[DWS]

@Canadagirl81Laura...what a wonderfully insightful comment. Self-care and being loving, patient and kind to ourselves is what's absolutely needed during this time. We are severely wounded and need to heal however long that may take. 

@Geri22Geri...I am so sorry that you have such terrible and sudden loss in your life. It has been just a little less than five weeks since my partner Tom passed away suddenly in his sleep. Since then, I've been totally lost and bewildered but just as Laura mentioned, I immersed myself in online talks and advice on grief, grieving and loss...just seeking anything to give me some small sense of comfort. One thing that I did take up is journaling which is something that I've never done before but have discovered its comforting value. It's become my continual chat with Tom. Telling him about my day. Telling him that I chatted with his daughter. Telling him about the freakin' weather or whatever. I miss talking to him so the journal helps. At times, it can be just a small part of my day and at other times, I don't want to put the pen down. 

Be extra kind to yourself,

Don

[Jerrold]

Hi @Geri22,

Daily mindfulness meditation has worked for me. Just 10 minutes every morning. There are several apps online though I use Waking Up (Harris). It doesn't soothe the pain or lessen the grief, but it gives you tools for staying in the present moment and lessen rumination (which is what sends me into a spiral of depression). If it works for you, it'll effectively rewire parts of your brain, according to the science. Maybe check it out.

Journaling helps, too. Oftentimes, it will be much needed catharsis or a way to talk to your loved one, but it works best when you're trying to make sense of things. 

Hope this helps because we certainly need all the help we can get. I'm very sorry for your loss. 

Hugs,

Jerrold

[Toddthayer]

I am new here.  I am very sorry for your loss.  This is my first post and I have the same problem. My partner of 30 years passed away from a heart attack 5 weeks ago.  I don't know what to do with myself. I have no joy and have no ambition. The first few weeks people called and texted but started getting less and less. I try to work from home and sometimes helps a little to take my mind off it.  I know I have to make a new way in life but is so hard and so lonely. 

[Canadagirl81]

@Toddthayer so very sorry for your loss. Please see my reply above. Making a new way in life seems so daunting and something we are all struggling with every single day. You aren’t alone at all. Welcome, you are among friends here. 

[Geri22]

@canadagirl81 - your post was beautifully written and made me cry.  This was my first post as I couldn't take the grief everyday.  Thank you for giving me insight and to accept the good and the bad.  I just wish I had a fast forward button to get thru this fast.  It's so hard facing each day.  I don't want to die but I just feel like I am existing in a gray world.  I don't want to picture him because it's too painful.  I can't look at his pictures cause it's too painful. When there is a reminder of him or I have to deal with all the stuff he use to deal with - I feel like my body has an electric shot go thru it and I feel anxious and fearful.  It reminds me of how he use to take care of everything for the family.  My security and partner for life got taken away.  I miss him so much.  He was always so protective of me and now I have to face the world alone with out his constant support.  My biggest fear is the feeling of hopelessness.  I just want to feel like life will get better but I just don't feel it or feel like I am lying to myself.  So I get mired in the dark tunnel and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Thank you again for your support.  Guess we never thought we would ever be here, huh?  How did we get from summer of life to autumn and lose someone before their time? I just want some hope that it will get better.  

[Geri22]

@Toddthayer I understand what you are going thru.  That's why we are here. I am still learning.  Keep sharing and I think as we go along we pick up some nuggets of wisdom to keep going.  I just feel so much for you.  A giant hug to surround you with comfort.  

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Geri22 said:

I lost my husband about 5 weeks ago from sudden illness

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know it to be the hardest journey I've ever embarked on, it'll be 17 years June 19/Father's Day (2005) for me, I didn't see how I could do a week, let alone the rest of my life, but here I am.  It's amazing our body can adjust with even this, although it seems impossible in those early days/years.  I'm glad you are here, it truly does help to know you're heard and understood, that someone else "gets it."

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

10 hours ago, Toddthayer said:

I am new here.  I am very sorry for your loss.  This is my first post and I have the same problem. My partner of 30 years passed away from a heart attack 5 weeks ago. 

Wow, your timeline is so simiilar to hers!  Amazing.  I'm glad you found us!  I also want to leave you with those same tips to print/download as you go through this journey.  My husband also died of a heart attack, he'd just turned 51, now I'm growing old (or AM old!) without him.  This place really helps.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

[Canadagirl81]

Hi again Geri. You are most welcome. We all want some sort of magic button that can take this away and bring our people back. I know....there's really nothing I can say that will take the awful feelings away of the gray world we now live in. It's okay to feel anxious and fearful...all the things you are doing now are new and you are navigating a world without him which is foreign and scary. You can take care of you and your family, one step at a time, he showed you how. You can be your own security and your own partner in this. I know it's not the same, how could it be? But it's something. He is supporting you in his own way now, energetically. The feelings of hopelessness I have found aren't permanent. They may last a few hours or even a few days but they do pass and then they will come again. Love yourself through it.  It's okay if you feel that life won't get better. It doesn't have to feel anything different than what it does.  Life may surprise you though and for me, I have to trust that there will be good days to come and things to be happy about in the future and that Glenn wants me to be happy and wants me to live.  It helps me to go on, for him, for both of us. He didn't get to and I know at 54 he absolutely had so much more life to live and so do I. 
We are all here together in this, don't forget okay? I wish we didn't have to be here at all but it's comforting to know we aren't alone.

Much love to you always. 
Laura

[unmukt]

Lots of love and prayers for you dear. May you walk through each day in his love for you. I am devastated myself yet i feel your pain so much. I am here to feel for you throughout. Love . I am here. 

[widower2]

On 3/28/2022 at 6:00 PM, Geri22 said:

Hi, everyone, 

I need help to make it thru each day.  I lost my husband about 5 weeks ago from sudden illness (not covid) and we were together for 30 years.  The first month was so painful but I had a lot of support but as the 2nd month approached, everyone is moving on with their lives and I am left with a lot of time on my hand and to mourn.  It's so hard.  I find no joy in anything, just emptiness and constant sadness plus no energy as I hardly have any appetite.  I try going for a walk and it helps but most of the time, getting the energy to start that process is hard.  What do you do to face each day and move on?  I am not religious but boy, I wish I was at a time like this. My life has no color - just flat and constant sadness and fear. 

If you can give me tips to make it thru each day, it would be appreciated.  

I'm so sorry. You are entering IMO the hardest time of loss, after the flurry of activity dealing with the funeral, etc etc and everyone else starts to get back to their life...not fully realizing yours has been blown to pieces. Try to keep busy....even something as simple as house work or yard work can help. Watch movies. A hobby. Get out of the house! A movie, getting together with people, a drive, whatever. ANYTHING but just sitting there dwelling on it. 

[KayC]

9 hours ago, widower2 said:

Try to keep busy

For myself, having a schedule helps.

[steveb]

Geri22, I can’t add much to the great advice that you’ve already received.  Like others have said, getting a routine and out of the house helped me gain some much needed equilibrium in my life. 

[RN-Nix]

@Geri22good afternoon, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I think you have received some sound "suggestions" so far. It's so difficult during the early stages to find that one thing that you can do to make it better. I'm a very spiritual person I won't say "religious" because I'm so fascinated and open to learning other people's religious beliefs.  I even had a great conversation with a 14 year old this morning who is Muslim. I was curious on how their "religion" viewed death...it was similar to my belief.  If I could I would have talked to him all day. It was a beautiful sharing of knowledge but it also confirmed that I will see my love again. In the beginning it's very hard to say what worked.  For me, absolutely nothing worked.  I was in shock, I was in denial, I was begging (please come back) I was BAWLING my eyes out. I messaged my doctor for a prescription to help me sleep...it wasn't anything strong but I will tell you how POWERFUL grief is....the pill would shut my body down for what only seemed to be a few minutes and then my mind would continue to race I was waking up what seemed like every 5 minutes . I cried cried cried I was LOST.  People would talk to me about scriptures.  I've been in church my entire life and I did not want to read not 1 scripture.  My focus was finding out "where he went? " I wanted to know where was his soul now  .....I spoke to 3 different counselors in 2 weeks....no help...i finally reached out to a spiritual counselor I wS familiar with and after about tge 5th session I told him I could not continue bc I cried the entire session . The funny thing is he somehow was able to give me a list of books bc I told him I was only interested in where the soul goes I was only interested in life after death . One book he recommended I could not read bc it was someone's journey to death...I was no where ready for that so I returned it to the library.  I am now reading a book that has brought me so much insight and I'm realizing this counselor was sent to me for a purpose.  This book is like a Bible to me. It is providing me with what I need . I am now accepting those spiritual passages that people sent me in the beginning. I was so overcome with grief I didn't want to hear the old cliché I knew them already.  Now those same passages bring me comfort. If you find no comfort in anything right now accept it . That phase WILL eventually subside. What ever your "beliefs" are tap into the positive aspects that will bring you some kind of relief. It gets worse before it gets better...and by better I mean your mind will have moments of peace. Lastly take each day 1 hour at a time. There is a saying that we should not focus on tomorrow because today have enough problems of its own. 1 hour at a time has brought me some comfort along with my tea that I drink before bed to calm me. Reach out if you need to. We are all in this together.  Hugs

 

[Geri22]

Thank you @RN-Nix.  Your description fits so much of what I am going thru.  I haven’t found anything right now to comfort me.  I the only thing that seems to help is bawling my eyes out.  It seems to release the poison out of the grief for a bit before the grief tumor grows again in my body.  My world seems so empty.  

[RN-Nix]

@Geri22 I am sitting at home thinking to myself that I had 2 friends a little more than 700 miles away and if it was not for them I don't know what I would do. I cried sooooooo MUCH but they were available to me by phone. If I was on my lunch break I could call one and just cry . I would get to work at 730 am and call the other and cry. In reflecting I would just talk to them about how I was feeling in the moment and cry.  I would try to rationalize and try to make sense of his departure...I could not in the state that I was in but they could.  I was comforted enough to make it to through the next couple of hours then in the evening I would text them and they always had a response for me. It was like riding a bike for the first time with no training wheels but they were on each side of me. I got to the point where I didn't need to call them 3 to 4 times a day ...they slowly "released" me. The early stage was BRUTAL. When you jump in the pool the cold water is shockingly cold but each time you jump in its not as cold the shock during that swim lessens. What you're experiencing is a shock to your psyche. Find at least 1 person you can talk to daily even if you find that you're saying the same thing over and over....they will understand.  If you have no one continue to reach out to us.  Cry as often as you need. I was told to drink water and that helped.  You need the water to flush the toxins from grief out of your body.  Your cells need water. Try to eat at least a peanut butter sandwich or cheese sandwich if you can't eat a meal. Grief will deplete the resources you need to make it through even if you just eat a half of a sandwich.  You are NOT alone. 

[Geri22]

@RN-Nix I feel you totally understand my early grief.  It’s so intense.  I can’t eat but I will try to eat.  I am hurting so much.  I only get a respite after crying.  I was even thinking about talking to my doctor to get an anti depressant but am I delaying the grief process, right? I feel guilty looking for worse story so I think my grief shouldn’t be as bad and it should lessen my grief.  Crazy, right? I know that you should miss the person you were with 24/7 and it’s right to cry and grieve but it’s soooo PAINFUL! I just wish there was a roadmap to the end of grieving process. 

[unmukt]

The pain is so unbearable and the waves keep hitting almost all the time. Living without the most beautiful, amazing person of our lives is devastating. Because there's so much love, there's so much pain. And in prayers and meditations please keep trying to talk to him , i know you will hear him speak back to you even if it is through your heart. Believe in this voice and understand that you are never bereft of the love. You are the one special person for your amazing husband and you just have to be there for you, as you would be for him... please try to eat and drink water for the body needs to go on, to carry so much love and pain. I am also in the midst of severe pain and ups and downs. There are moments where i feel so broken, i can't think of any ends ..i come here and write it all out. Please keep doing that if it comforts you...i shall be here for you.

[Devastated Husband]

2 hours ago, Geri22 said:

@RN-Nix I feel you totally understand my early grief.  It’s so intense.  I can’t eat but I will try to eat.  I am hurting so much.  I only get a respite after crying.  I was even thinking about talking to my doctor to get an anti depressant but am I delaying the grief process, right? I feel guilty looking for worse story so I think my grief shouldn’t be as bad and it should lessen my grief.  Crazy, right? I know that you should miss the person you were with 24/7 and it’s right to cry and grieve but it’s soooo PAINFUL! I just wish there was a roadmap to the end of grieving process. 

I'm so sorry for your loss Geri22. I'd advise for you to see the Doctor for the anti depressant as it takes the edge off just a little bit (I have and it didn't do any harm). Think of it like this if you had a headache you would take a tablet, medication is there for times like this. I wish i could tell you there is an easier way through the grief but in the early days especially just take it a minute / hour at a time, try not to overload yourself with to many things as your mind races a million miles per hour. I am 16 months into the grief and you learn to live with it, it's bloody tough but try to be kind to yourself and try and take any help offered x

[RN-Nix]

@Geri22I wished there was a road map but sadly there is not. I feel like this is some kind of "rite of passage". Your pain is real. You don't need anything to "mask " it. I really only asked my doctor for something to sleep which didn't help bc my mind was in shock trying to process I what I was feeling. We have hormones to help us to cope. What you're experiencing is a natural part of the process. Put your doctor on alert that you've had a loss so that they are aware but getting an anti depressant right off the batt if you don't have a history may be premature. Speak to your doctor.  There's a saying "this too shall pass" the intensity of your Grief will pass. Make it a point to drink water today and eat a bite even if it's small things throughout the day. I'm sorry you're experiencing this but we aren't given more than we can bare .......it only feels that way!!!!

[KayC]

In my tips article I mention seeing your doctor for help with anxiety and/or sleep, I wish I had much sooner, it's been a godsend.  I take Buspirone (Buspar) for anxiety, not an SSRI, doesn't alter your brain, but takes the edge off a bit so you cope, I don't have side effects.  I have Trazodone 50 mg for sleep (greater than 200 mg iis for antidepressant but I'm not depressed, just need my sleep!)  I wish I'd done this years before when he first died as the doctor suggested it.