The little things we miss

[John9]

28 minutes ago, HisPumpkin said:

Exactly this. D got me through everything. I don’t wish anyone in life dead at all, but had someone else close to me passed, D would have been there, feeding me with a bloody spoon if he had to to get me to eat. And just holding me. I miss being held by him. That comfort, that safety. And his guidance through every tough time. It enhances the loneliness, I think. I feel kind of like an animal who mates for life but has lost her counterpart. 

HisPumpkin,

I agree and that is what makes all of this so hard for me. I lost so many people and animals in the last 2 years and if my loving wife was here as hard as it would be she would be there. My loving wife was everything to me and I have said that she was my best friend too. I need my best friend to help me get through the loss of my loving wife. But I need my loving wife to help me get through the loss of my best friend. And when they are one in the same, what do you do. I would have been there for my loving wife when her Mother died and we would have made it through because we knew that she was going to die soon. And because she had dementia she was not the same person and my loving wife had watched her slowly fade away. I am not saying it would have been easy for my loving wife but I would have been there for her. I have nobody who really understands this as our Son has quit talking about my loving wife and her family abandoned us when she died.

[foreverhis]

On 4/24/2022 at 6:18 AM, KayC said:

I envy you both your giftings!  How wonderful and rich a heritage your daughter has!

Our daughter has a beautiful mezzo/alto voice. Better than my lyric soprano (and I say that not just as a mom, but as a musician). She started with flute, but switched to tenor sax because she wanted to play “the deep, fun harmonies” like her dad did. I will say there were times it was weird for us to be directed by John, but at those times he was 100% “the boss.” He was an excellent conductor.

Both John and our daughter have perfect pitch. I have perfect relative pitch (that is being able to hear and sing intervals). They could hear/hit any note spot on. It drove me nuts at times! I definitely had a bit of envy there.

My baby sister was in theater and band until college, though she was in choir in college and still sings for fun. She met her husband sophomore year at a band-choir party. Not unlike how I met John. She had seen him around and thought he was cute and nice (he still is), so she walked right up to him and introduced herself.

I got her into theater (before I met John) when a director decided my secondary character needed a daughter in a musical. She was just a small sprout, but already comfortable in theater and showing talent. Ah ha! I said I had an idea.

Even though I was a teenager when she was born, we have always been super close. Between me and my mom, she was around the theater and music world from birth. My dad was a guitarist and my uncle could play anything, so it was only natural. In fact, she and my mom met John before I did! They were all involved in a show when I was in performance of one show and rehearsals for another.  I was only able to go to a dress rehearsal of their production. He was in the orchestra, so they didn’t really know him well, but we joked about it later.

It’s funny how many of the engineers and scientists I worked with as a technical writer and designer were musicians “on the side.” Several were in the same arts circles we were. John and my sister were both accountants and my BIL is a mathematician in computer sciences and a sax player for fun. My dad was a science teacher and my uncle was an electrical and mechanical engineer. Maybe it’s because all our careers use the logic side of the brain, music is logic and math, and we all need creative outlets. Who knows.

I am so thankful for that one show where I looked down from the stage during a break in a technical rehearsal (where they set lights, props, set pieces, etc. and boring as heck when you have to just stand in costume on your blocking mark and wait while the directors work on it).  I asked my on-stage romantic partner (a good friend), “Who is that cute new trombone player?” He didn’t know, but said, “I think you should find out!” And less than 2 years later, John and I had gotten to know each other. He finally asked me out and we never looked back. The universe works in mysterious ways.

Music and theater are both a blessing and extremely painful for me now. Healing in some way and devastating in others.

[Roxeanne]

17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Music and theater are both a blessing and extremely painful for me now. Healing in some way and devastating in others.

The same for me...the things we loved together have this bitter sweet taste now...you continue to like them but they also break your heart!

[KayC]

I feel everything you guys write...

[foreverhis]

7 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

The same for me...the things we loved together have this bitter sweet taste now...you continue to like them but they also break your heart!

Yes, 100%!

[DWS]

One little thing I miss is getting a takeout pizza with Tom. Sounds silly but that's something that I never did on my own. On our extended long weekends together, we would always reserve one evening as pizza night. There was just something so damn special about those. I started ordering them from a dingy, hole-in-the-wall pizza takeout joint that I drove by for years and would wonder "who goes there".  It turned out to have the best pizza in town. My memories recall the anticipation and excitement of opening the pizza box with the two of us in front of the TV and the feeling that there was nowhere and nothing else needed than to be right where we were. 

[John9]

13 minutes ago, DWS said:

One little thing I miss is getting a takeout pizza with Tom. Sounds silly but that's something that I never did on my own. On our extended long weekends together, we would always reserve one evening as pizza night. There was just something so damn special about those. I started ordering them from a dingy, hole-in-the-wall pizza takeout joint that I drove by for years and would wonder "who goes there".  It turned out to have the best pizza in town. My memories recall the anticipation and excitement of opening the pizza box with the two of us in front of the TV and the feeling that there was nowhere and nothing else needed than to be right where we were. 

DWS,

My loving wife and I really loved pizza, it was hard for her because many of the sauces bothered her stomach. But we had managed to find a few we both could enjoy. We also would on occasion make our own so we could get it just right. I have now basically taken to eating frozen pizzas and some aren't the worst things I have eaten. But yes the biggest thing isn't only the food but the companionship I miss. I had said I would eat dirt if I could have my loving wife here with me.

[DWS]

29 minutes ago, John9 said:

We also would on occasion make our own so we could get it just right. 

Making a pizza together is absolute heaven in my eyes...also prepping tacos together. All the money in the world can't compete with those special moments. 

[foreverhis]

11 hours ago, DWS said:

Making a pizza together is absolute heaven in my eyes...also prepping tacos together. All the money in the world can't compete with those special moments. 

Oh my gosh, yes to taco night!  John and I called it "Play with your food night" because we'd make and put together a variety of things, including usually fast frying a few corn tortillas into chips.  Then we would mix this and that into our soft corn tortillas and laugh when we overfilled them and had to grab a few chips to scoop up the excess.  So much fun.

For me, a huge one is canning.  Starting about 25 years ago we made our own jam using farmers market fruits as well as fruit from friends' trees.  We didn't like commercial jam, wanted fresh, low sugar jam like our grandmas had made, and decided to go for it.  We bought the simplest of equipment (boiling water, not pressure, canning).  Then we split up the tasks, made and canned some strawberry jam, and crossed our fingers.  It was such a roaring success that soon we would make four cases of jams (strawberry, plum, peach, and sometimes blackberry or blueberry) plus a case of my own recipe of plum sauce and three cases of no sugar applesauce each year.  Family and friends clamored for it for their Christmas presents.  That first "pop" of the first jar in the first batch every summer was music to our ears.  And it was so darn fun doing it together.

I haven't canned in five years now.  It's been so painful that the very thought of it would bring tears to my eyes.  But I am seriously considering making some jam this summer.  A couple of friends have told that they would love to help, if and when I'm ready.  We'll see.

[KayC]

I wish I could make George a healthy pizza, he would have loved it and esp. knowing it was healthy for his diabetes!  This one is the easiest and I make it in my air fryer.
 

Pizza-Dr Berg

Ingredients

·         2 cups finely grated cauliflower

·         2 cups shaved mozzarella cheese, plus extra for topping

·         2 large eggs

·         Tomato sauce

·         Pizza toppings of your choice

Instructions                      

1.     Pre-heat oven to 450°F. Cut parchment paper to match the size and shape of your pizza pan. Using parchment paper is the best way to prevent your crust from sticking to the baking surface.

2.     Finely grate your cauliflower and remove any large chunks. You want a fine, uniform texture like rice.

3.     Mix together cauliflower, mozzarella cheese, and two eggs until well-combined. At this point, it may not look like it could possibly turn into pizza crust, but it will bake to a thin, crunchy, flexible crust–just watch!

4.     Place the cauliflower mixture at the center of the parchment paper on the pizza pan. Spread the mixture thinly but evenly throughout up to the edges of the pan.

5.     Bake crust at 450°F for 15 minutes.

6.     Assemble the rest of your toppings. Place ½ cup of low carb marinara sauce at the center of your crust and spread it out nearly to the edge.

7.     Top the food with mozzarella cheese, followed by mushrooms, spinach, olives, Italian dry salami, mozzarella & cheddar, and after baked, add fresh tomato slices.

8.      Return it to the oven and bake until the cheese is evenly melted and just beginning to turn golden on the surface.

[Gail 8588]

Looks delicious Kay.

[steveb]

6 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Looks delicious Kay.

That is one yummy looking pizza!  I just had some filet mignon and looking at KayC’s pizza made me hungry again!

[tnd]

19 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Family and friends clamored for it for their Christmas presents. 

When I was growing up a woman who lived on our street and had a large garden would make us all kinds of goodies. If you got a large jar of her strawberry jam on your birthday, that's how you really knew she liked you. She'd put a big bow and your name on it but told us to make sure we shared it. To this day I can still taste it, along with her cobblers and pies. Her house always smelled so good! 

[DWS]

I miss the simple pleasure of having coffee in the mornings with Tom. His was always easy...drank his coffee black...low maintenance just like the sweet, easy going man that he was. Mine, of course, has to be more complicated with cream and sugar but he was able to make it taste just right. 

[HisPumpkin]

This is not really a “little” thing but before I met D, I’d not long extracted myself from a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. This morning my ex emailed me. As far as I’m aware he’s engaged and living with someone, yet he has these patterns of never being happy with what he has, always looking to triangulate women, always needing to try to lure people back in. I haven’t replied and I won’t reply, if D taught me anything it was my own self worth and how I deserve to be treated, he showed me what a good, healthy love could and should be. I know my ex has probably heard on the rumour mill what’s happened and is trying to catch me in a vulnerable state, he did the same when my brother passed and that time I was stupid enough to respond. This time no matter how lonely and lost I’m feeling, I have no interest in ever speaking to him again. The medium told me a few weeks ago that D had a clear message: don’t go back to old bad patterns. Even without that message, I wouldn’t. But I miss being able to just pick up the phone and talk to D about how my ex is still trying to pull these stupid tricks, the games, and how sad it is that even at 50 he won’t ever break that cycle. I won’t say anything to his new partner, I know that she needs to learn for herself, and that would just involve me in a cycle of drama I just don’t have the mental fortitude for: but I miss D always having my back, being held safe in his love, always feeling protected. I never really had that before. I hope my ex will just go away and not start his spiral of alternating between nice and nasty, love and hate. It’s not really touching me, and I resent the intrusion of him taking up any space in my brain, I’ve had zero contact with him for a year despite his attempts, after telling him to leave me alone and never contact me again. It just strikes me how many cruel and selfish people there are in the world and before D I seemed to be a magnet for them. But I will not engage, and hopefully never again will allow anyone to treat me badly. It just makes me mad: D was so kind, so gentle and always true, and he’s gone. My ex gave me a nervous breakdown before I finally broke free and he’s still here messing up the lives of everyone who gets close. There is no justice in that 😢

[KayC]

19 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

is trying to catch me in a vulnerable state

Sounds like a parasite if you'll pardon me.  I'm glad you're aware and on alert!  You don't have to engage him.

19 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

even at 50 he won’t ever break that cycle

Yeah, some of us learn/grow/change, some do not.  They either don't see what needs changed or just don't care they're that way.

19 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

I miss D always having my back, being held safe in his love, always feeling protected.

(((hugs)))  I well know, I haven't felt that in 17 years now.  But I know he still loves me even if he doesn't have a body/voice to express it.  It's still there, some things you just know.

 

[John9]

23 hours ago, KayC said:

(((hugs)))  I well know, I haven't felt that in 17 years now.  But I know he still loves me even if he doesn't have a body/voice to express it.  It's still there, some things you just know.

KayC,

I am glad you still feel loved by George (no pun) AND I hope my loving wife still loves me as much as I still LOVE her. I just miss her so much and it has been nowhere near as long as you. Some days and nights I wonder how you or anyone has made it as long as you have. It is just so hard for me because I really do miss every little thing about my loving wife. Her trees are all starting to flower up for Spring and I know how much she enjoyed this time of the year. Of course that makes it harder for me when I know she won't see them again.

[KayC]

4 minutes ago, John9 said:

I am glad you still feel loved by George

All that happened is he died.  No one's "choice," he didn't reject me or desert me, his body gave out, pure and simple.  The love remains.

 

5 minutes ago, John9 said:

Some days and nights I wonder how you or anyone has made it as long as you have.

One day at a time.  Time passes.  No choice with that either.  As ole' Trojan used to say (Darrell), "One foot in front of the other."

[tnd]

6 hours ago, John9 said:

Her trees are all starting to flower up for Spring and I know how much she enjoyed this time of the year.

I know what you mean. When we had the house, this was the time of year my husband planted flowers for us. He loved gardening and I could tell that he really wanted me to enjoy what he planted. It made me feel good that someone worked so hard to please me. And that's what I miss the most; his undying desire to make me happy. He made sure I felt his love. He was very successful at that. 

[tnd]

4 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

He loved my oxtail and rice the best. I miss his enjoyment of the food.

Same here. You know you got something right when they ask you to cook one of their favorites. Mealtime for us was always special. My husband was diabetic and on dialysis, so we had to be extra careful about what we ate. I cooked using renal recipes and at first, he didn't like the sound of it. But I had carefully looked at a zillion recipes and knew which ones he'd probably like. And I was right. To see his face light up when he sat down at the dinner table "said it all for me". It was the hilite of our day. I still can see his smile.  

[KayC]

21 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

all our favourites

Haha, if it had FOOD, it was George's favorite!    He loved food!  2nd oldest of 11 kids, alcoholic dad, overwhelmed mom, no $/food growing up, going grocery shopping and my cooking for him were definitely on the top of his enjoyments!  I don't think I ever fixed anything he didn't like.  I found out AFTER we married that he'd hated onions and for a whole year had "practiced" eating onions!  I told him, "George, you didn't need to do that!  I was deathly allergic to onion for 14 years (in an Italian family!) I know how to cook without onions!  And funny enough, now that I have Kodie (my puppy) I often leave the onions out so HE can have a bite (dogs can't have them).

I'm unable to quote you tnd for some reason, but do I ever know about cooking diabetic!  I've been on Keto 2 1/2 years (low carb) and help with two diabetic groups online, that is my other passion, helping diabetic learn and reverse their diabetes!  I've learned so much about Keto and how helpful it's been in my journey, I'd trust it with not only that but cancer, dementia, eyesight, and so much more!  I posted this in my diabetic group: (the "George" I refer to is in my other grief group and my diabetic groups):

Kay

Moderator

Group expert

My husband and I attended Diabetic classes as he was diabetic. I didn't allow sugar in the house, we ate whole grains, fruits/veg as doctors said, but nothing changed. He died 16 1/2 years ago, heart attack with diabetic complications. Why, when we were doing what they said! A few years later I too was diagnosed, did what I was told, took my Metformin, meanwhile my numbers kept climbing, so they raised the dosage, and eventually added Glimepiride to the mix (I couldn't handle Glipizide as it kept dropping my numbers, too erratic). When my dog was diagnosed with cancer, 6/6/2019 my FBS went up to 185-205 and stayed there. He passed 8/16/19 and the numbers never came down. Meanwhile my son and George kept talking to me about Keto, my son showed me the scientific data on it (he has three engineering degrees, you know engineers, always about the facts!) Not pushing, just giving me info...

Finally I realized my numbers were not coming down and it was time to do something about it. New Year’s Day 2020 I began Keto. I cleaned out my cupboards of the carbs, it echoed when I was done! I began buying the "weird things" I couldn't spell or pronounce (Erythritol, Xanthan Gum, etc.) and began researching diabetes myself. I'd already joined this group and found it very helpful. I learned, little by little, checking out things I heard and read.

Keto has been amazing! I planned this not to just "lose weight", 75 lbs., but to right my diabetes! I had not expected all of the fringe benefits I began to glean from it! I was shocked when my triglycerides went from 276 to 93 inside 4 1/2 months! My cholesterol improved, as did everything! My WBC and calcium had been high for years, no explanation from the doctor, now they were normal! I later read it was related to the diabetes. I'd had IBS, now gone! My neuropathy used to hurt so bad, I was surprised when it quit hurting! I'd been diagnosed with Fuch's Dystrophy of the Corneas years earlier (night blindness) and discovered when I had an emergency that I could now see to drive at night! I'm still amazed when I drive at night, each time it feels like a miracle to me! I wasn't prepared for the incredible energy I now have and how well I feel! When I got a nasty dog bite, I mean really bad, the doctor said it'd be hard to heal, it healed fine! Again and again I've seen this. My immune system is optimal. When you've had Diabetes out of control for 11 years, you expect it'll take time for the liver and pancreas and kidneys to heal but they have! (I was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver years ago), everything is fine now! I feel indebted to the scientist that first discovered this operative we now call Keto, I'm on this for life and can't imagine going back to my old ways! It's been over two years now and I feel like a walking miracle! I'm so grateful to George and this site for walking me through this!

 

[DWS]

Yesterday, I got in touch with my cable and internet supplier to renew the subscription and deal with a price increase. This is one of those things where I really miss having Tom here to help with the decisions. I have to do the same with my cellphone plan which I keep putting off. Tom was much more the techie type than me but without the techie type attitude. I miss him so much...a rare find. 

[KayC]

Yes.  I am not a techie.  And I too hate making all of the decisions.  One reason I've put off getting a better internet provider.  Ugh.  Not sure how to do the switch and scared of being stuck with it not working at all.  I need someone who knows what they are doing.

[John9]

KayC,

I have always said, I know enough to get into trouble. And I have stayed with the same provider for too many years because I at least know the issues they have. I hate having to call and speak to someone because of honestly they all lie. they promise and then when the time comes, it isn't what we agreed on. My loving wife never dealt with any of those things and all she cared about was if things worked when she wanted them to. As the saying goes, nobody wants to know how the sausage is made. My loving wife never had to deal with anything that she didn't want to except if it was about her job, I couldn't take care of her in that way. I tried to do everything else for her though, and I know she was happy I did.

[KayC]

You made her happy, and whatever else, no one can take that away.

[widower2]

On 6/1/2022 at 9:34 AM, KayC said:

Yes.  I am not a techie.  And I too hate making all of the decisions.  One reason I've put off getting a better internet provider.  Ugh.  Not sure how to do the switch and scared of being stuck with it not working at all.  I need someone who knows what they are doing.

Google is your friend (did I just say that, I hate Google )  I mean internet searches. Check your area to see what options you have...cable, satellite, or even DSN. 

[DWS]

Yesterday, I drove by a restaurant with a big sign out front of it advertising a "two can dine" deal. It caught me off-guard and made me think of all of those flyer coupons that I'd cut out and save in case Tom and I were looking for a cheap meal out somewhere. I don't save any of them now but I sure miss the simple act of cutting them out with the anticipation of us using them. 

[John9]

1 hour ago, DWS said:

Yesterday, I drove by a restaurant with a big sign out front of it advertising a "two can dine" deal. It caught me off-guard and made me think of all of those flyer coupons that I'd cut out and save in case Tom and I were looking for a cheap meal out somewhere. I don't save any of them now but I sure miss the simple act of cutting them out with the anticipation of us using them. 

DWS,

My loving wife was a pet groomer and many of her clients would give her gift cards for Restaurants. We hadn't been able to use them for various reasons, and were starting to discuss getting carry-out meals. Then my loving wife died and I still have the gift cards, I have tried to use some of them but the memories are too much. The food does not taste right without my loving wife with me. I tried to go out yesterday and seeing all of the older couples together really got to me. It should have been us and we so looked forward to being one of the older couples. This weekend is 17 months since my loving wife died and it is just pure Hell without her here with me. There is a song out right now that  really hurts when I hear it too. "Growing old with you" by Restless Road. It just seems to be how things should have been. Take care, John

[DWS]

34 minutes ago, John9 said:

Then my loving wife died and I still have the gift cards, I have tried to use some of them but the memories are too much. The food does not taste right without my loving wife with me. I tried to go out yesterday and seeing all of the older couples together really got to me.

Yes...I'd say using them for takeout or using them as gifts for others would be the thing to do instead of torturing yourself going to the restaurants. I'm still not sure when I'll be comfortable enough to eat out in public again. 

I was discussing this with a friend of mine yesterday. A group that we both belong to is having a group dinner at the end of this month. It's at a common roadhouse restaurant where we had had many group socials in the past. It's also one that my partner Tom really enjoyed going to and we went there on our own quite a few times. But as I told my friend yesterday, I won't be going to the dinner because the place holds too many memories. He thought that maybe this was presenting a chance for me to move forward as I'd be around a lot of familiar people. I told him that I can't even drive by the place...that I go out of my way to avoid seeing it so there's just no way that I'm ready to step inside it. 

And that's the thing that so many who haven't lived this horrible experience of loss aren't aware of or understand. It all sounds good in theory..."oh you should go. You'll be around people you know". But we all know that it might be fine at times but there will be those momentary pauses in conversation that has us feeling our loved one's absence....and when the food arrives, that's when the chatting dulls down. That's also when couples tend to chat quietly with each other and their deeply connected bonds show. To sit there in my aloneness and witnessing what I once had would just invite suffering. 

[John9]

45 minutes ago, DWS said:

Yes...I'd say using them for takeout or using them as gifts for others would be the thing to do instead of torturing yourself going to the restaurants. I'm still not sure when I'll be comfortable enough to eat out in public again. 

DWS,

Honestly, I haven't even tried to eat in a Restaurant, what I have done has only been takeout and the food is just not the same. I offered the gift cards to our Son and he still hasn't taken any of them. Sadly there is nobody else in my existence anymore since my only friend besides my loving wife died 2 months before my loving wife died and my loving wife's family has nothing to do with me/us anymore. I knew that was going to happen even though they all said it wouldn't. I find it difficult to drive by many places that my loving wife and I went to, but it is really hard driving past her work, which is just down the street from our house because I always would look for her car when I drove by. You are correct that in theory what people say makes sense, until you actually try to do them. I have found no peace in any of the things I have tried, and it is harder each day and night for me. Take care, john

[KayC]

II remember clearly the first time I pushed myself past my comfort zone and went out to eat.  It was a dine in restaurant...I felt so alone amidst all the couples and families...while I myself was alone.  
Frankly, it takes the enjoyment out of it.  But I've done it, esp. when it's a have to situation..  I get groceries 50 miles away and go to the doctors often 60-70 miles away or any shopping, etc.  (I live in the country)  Most of the time I bring a sack lunch, it's easier, doesn't take time and I can be home sooner.

[Goforth860]

I cant say just one thing. Not one thing comes to mind. It's him. The wholeness of him. Every single action motion sound. I see him I hear him. It's not scary. It's not weird. It's true. It's honest. I know exactly what he'd be saying or doing. The action. How he'd walk talk joke around. It's everything. EVERYTHING!!! I dont know how I'm supposed to go on. How I just stop having him. 

[John9]

Goforth860,

I am sorry for your losses. I fully understand in my own way what you say about your Husband.My loving wife is on my broken brain all day long, it isn't intentional it just happens. But after 35 years how could she not be, everything I did was for my loving wife and I am just so lost without her here with me.

[April Ballou]

@John9 I understand what your talking about.  I had 38 wonderful years with my husband.   The only thing that has gotten me this far is God.  I have had my mother, my grandparents,  uncles, aunts, cousins,  and even a brother die.  But this is so different.   He was truly my other half.  It feels like half of me is gone.  And having to deal with being alone for the first time in my life.   It's so hard.  In almost two weeks it will be 2 years since Darrell died.  How I miss that man.

[April Ballou]

@Sim7079yes this is a hard life.  Thinking about things he's missing.   Our oldest granddaughter graduates in May 2023.  They were really close. 

[DWS]

Back to the little things we miss....Tom and I were both self-employed. He was an accountant and I work in printing. I just now had to make a purchase decision that I wish I could have passed by Tom. I know that he would definitely agree with what I decided but in previous times, it was just so comforting to hash out these little situations in business with him. I miss his supportive and rational self so much right now. 

[Sparky1]

3 hours ago, DWS said:

I just now had to make a purchase decision that I wish I could have passed by Tom.

A few months ago I went in to a car dealership to order a vehicle. It was one of the hardest things I've done since my wife passed away, I felt totally naked, not knowing what I should get or not get.  In the past, when we needed a new vehicle, we'd both be there together and I felt so relaxed and didn't feel any pressure. I've had to get a new laundry set as the old ones conked out recently, another tough decision. You just don't realize how much your partner means being beside you in these situations, until that partner is no longer there.

[DWS]

10 minutes ago, Sim7079 said:

So true and it is also just the excitement, fun, etc of doing things, buying things and deciding together. I can’t get any enjoyment out of anything new I buy - not really the same.

Yep. There's more comfort going in as a force of two...looking at items, listening to any info from a salesperson, some playful bickering and then a mutual "we're going to think about it"...then a mutual "let's get something to eat!"

[KayC]

Oh yes, I remember George picking out a pickup by himself, it was the only time in his life he had and I'm so glad he got that experience (even if it didn't last as long as it should and the transmission went out three times)...we also went together to buy a car and it was so fun, I bought it for HIM and he bought it for ME and we discovered this AFTER we bought it, ha!  We loved that car and it was so sad when it quit a couple of years later, very hard to trade it in when it needed a valve job...it's weird how we can mourn a car, but I did, it was after he'd passed..

It's hard to make these decisions on our own, but somehow I'm doing it.  Not my preference though.  It's hard not having that person to share in the experience with!