Loss my 1 year old cat Goliath

[Semi]

Hello , honestly I’m just so hurt right now I never thought it would come to this… two days ago I lost my one year old cat Goliath due to a sudden death, I just don’t know what went wrong, this was my first time having a cat of my own and he’s just gone after one year, he was everything to me, he really did show me how to be much nicer and show more love , he was patient with me, he seen me cry, laugh, smile he seen some of my happiest moments and some of my worse, I feel so alone without my cat Goliath, Idk what went wrong idk if I did something wrong I would never know, I did notice the loss of appetite and he was less active but I really didn’t know that he was gonna leave me I swear I really had no clue but I knew I should of acted on it right away, I didn’t realize he went from being so chunky to so small and fragile I’m just so hurt .. I was so busy working 6 days a week I didn’t realize my cat was dying , I feel soooo horrible, I’m so ashamed of myself, Goliath was a good cat and he was smart, he knew his name , he knew when I needed him , I knew when needed me and now he’s just gone, I can’t stop crying I  can’t stop blaming myself, he was suppose to get old with me now he’s just gone, I love him and miss him a lot and idk what’s going to happen after this but it’s hurt so bad , I just want to sleep all day and not be bothered , every time I leave my room and he’s not out there I just start breaking down I can’t take it not seeing him out there, it breaks my heart not seeing him running to me when I come home or running to me when I come out the room … I know Goliath love me and I love him and now I feel crazy because he’s gone and I’ll never feel him again 

im sorry this is hitting me hard 

[Semi]

[Mandy25]

I am so sorry you lost your precious cat, Goliath.  Sometimes we miss those signs telling us something is wrong.  You wouldn’t think that a 1 year old cat would have health problems, but sometimes that just happens.  I know your kitty knew how much you loved him.  I lost my 16 year old baby (dog), Petey, 3 months ago and I missed some signs he was giving me and made mistakes which I will never forgive myself. I am so sorry for your loss and I know someday we will see our babies once again.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss...we are going along day by day doing our normal which includes work in our routine and wham they're gone, shocking us out of nowhere.  That same work affords them a place to live, food to eat, warmth, shelter.  It's what we have to do to live.  That doesn't make you guilty but I know I can't talk you out of your feelings because they're there, neither good nor bad, they just are and sometimes can be really overwhelming and hard to deal with.  My heart goes out to you.  I think we all go through some regrets, we are our own worst critics.  But it's also important to be our own best friend, we need compassion, understanding, patience, forgiveness even from ourselves.  What would you tell a friend going through this?  Tell that to yourself.  

We all go through the what-ifs in early grief, as a way of trying to find some different possible outcome than the one that happened because this one is too hard for us to absorb, but there is only one reality and that's the one that happened, it takes much time to process it.  I lost my husband nearly 17 years ago, suddenly, unexpectedly, way too young, and I went through all the what-ifs too, and also with my animals that have passed.  Death is very hard for us to process, it's traumatic to our brains.

Sending you hugs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

[Semi]

Thank you guys I really do appreciate your help and support in this process, it really help ease up some tension but I’m still sad smh, I haven’t cleaned out his things yet because I still feel him there and that weird smell in his litter box just reminds me of him ugh but I will try and be easy on my self and try to remain positive through out this process, I feel the angry emotion building up and I just know I need to take it easy day by day I just miss my boy man but thank you guys again I really appreciate it 

[KayC]

Take your time, there is no timetable with it.  I still have my Arlie's coat hanging on my chair, his collar and leash by the door, he's been gone 2 1/2 years, I can't imagine letting them go.

[Eternalsoul]

@Semi

He is beautiful. You mention he's your first pet. 

I had a cat who got very ill unexpectedly when I was very younger. He was indoor and outdoor.

He didn't make it past one year. So sad. 

I still think of him and love him. I often wonder if he ate a poisoned mouse. 

We never used bug or mouse poison but we aren't sure if the neighbors did.

We did not know what happened. It was very sad. 

But after that I became very careful not to use toxic chemicals in the house and certainty not around my pets.

I hid all medications and vitamins away from the pets. They might accidently eat them. Tylenol is toxic. Many human meds are. 

I cleaned only with vinegar. Sometimes animals can step on toxic cleaning products and if they ingest it they can get poisoning symptoms. This is true with outdoor chemicals, too. It's best to avoid bug killing products and toxic products like bleach. My rule of thumb is if I wouldn't want it on my skin or if I wouldn't drink it than it's not safe for them.

Also, I made it a rule not to have any plants in the house that are toxic. Even lilies are toxic. Cats are very curious and can get into everything. Their are several plants that are toxic to them. 

Chocolate, onions, garlic, nuts, artificial sweeteners and avocado are just a few of the foods that can kill them.

I also don't use flea or tick collars or drops. I believe those are REALLy toxic. That's my opinion. 

We all make mistakes. To honor him you can learn from them. I hope you are OK. It's so sad to lose a friend. 

He is so cute and I pray he is in Heaven. 

[Eternalsoul]

@Semi

I am not saying this is your fault by saying "we all make mistakes" but I know the feeling of guilt, anger and sadness.

I just thought I'd try to help you. After I lost that cat to unknown circumstances I did my research high and low to prevent it from happening ever again. 

He could have even had an illness you didn't know about. I'm just trying to help. The most valuable lesson I've learned is to keep pets away from toxic things. 

Plants, medications, car products (oil, antifreeze), household cleaning products ( windex, bleach, etc), flea and tick products (if it kills fleas it will harm pets.. this is my opinion) I don't want to insult anyone but I believe in using natural products that do not harm pets. That's just me.

I learned this from losing that beautiful cat. I wonder if my neighbors were using incesticides or mouse poison. 

Just trying to help. I wish someone would have told me this but sadly I had to watch my innocent boy go through that.

God Bless stay strong. It hurts I know. 

 

[KayC]

I had one that put raw fish on OUR yard!  Our dog got very sick, nearly died, thankfully with the vet's help he pulled through.  Then a kid put a trap on OUR property in the forest, our cat Midnight got caught in it, we looked and looked for him, didn't find him, it wasn't until gangrene set in he was able to pull his paw out and make his way back to us (day 5), we had to put him down, it was the hardest thing in the world, he was only two.  His sister, Autumn lived to 14 and somehow blamed us, never again wanting to come into the house, wouldn't let us pet her, she'd shy away from us, she used to sleep on my head!  Midnight was my daughter's cat, she was seven when he died, it was very hard for her, she's always loved cats.

[Eternalsoul]

@KayC

That is just so awful that they threw raw fish in your yard! Nobody should be throwing anything in anyone's yard. Period. I am so glad he pulled through. 

I make it a habit to walk around with my dogs in the morning. I inspect that nothing has been thrown in the yard. Some men were installing xfinity and they left their apricot seeds right by my yard! Not just one but several. Those are highly toxic.

So, now I just walk around with them and make sure. Not to mention my sister had thrown chocolate where my dogs frequent. What's scary is she knows it's toxic to dogs.......... thank God I found it before they did. She was unphased when I asked her why. She just said " I was cleaning my car."  

So, once again that's her telling me that a car is more important than a life!

 

I am so sorry to hear about Midnight. What a beautiful name. I cannot believe the nerve that neighbor had. It would take a lot for me NOT to trap him/her. It sometimes hits harder for some reason when they are especially young. Still it hurts no matter what. 

Ahhh, I understand Autumn's pain. They say animals "just move on" but I don't believe it. One of my other cats, who was very close to my beautiful girl, has sort of a frown. I think they sense my sadness. They cuddle me. Although I love them all I just wish she were here with me to hold. Autumn went from sleeping on your head to somewhat avoiding you. They have souls and yes they have feelings. Wow, Autumn reminds me of me. Avoiding everyone. Haha. 

I know that she's in a better place. Far better than here.

I'm sure Midnight, Autumn, all your cats, dogs, your husband and other loved ones are all together. 

It's so lonely when one leaves to Heaven. If I make it to older age I will be the last one standing out of all of them. But what beautiful memories and what a lucky life to have loved someone so dearly. 

I cannot wait to be with them in Heaven. I have to live and do my best for these ones for now. 

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

22 hours ago, Eternalsoul said:

Not to mention my sister had thrown chocolate where my dogs frequent.

My sister handed me a Christmas present to "put under my tree" and I did...Arlie got into it.  He ate 11 of the 14 cellophane wrapped chocolates!  I had to rush him to the vet, over an hour away after finally finding one who would take him.  He was deathly sick, cost me a lot, she gave him Rx for it, he had acute chronic Colitis lifelong and this didn't help!  When I told her she just said, "I'll never give you chocolate again!" Like I somehow wasn't appreciative!  She didn't correlate her words with what happened.  she nearly KILLED my baby!!!

 

22 hours ago, Eternalsoul said:

It's so lonely when one leaves to Heaven.

I understand, yes.  Others have no clue what it's like to be ALONE, all the time!