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I feel numb and there's pain in my chest


unmukt

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After he passed, my heart rhythm was off for like 3 weeks I think. Maybe reading the stories of everyone here will make you feel less alone. Grief is a strange journey that no one wants to be on. You will take one day at a time. Do what you can do and that is enough. Find small victories, like making food, going outside.. small things. Be gentle to yourself 

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I have found talking about him helps. I also find myself just talking to him. I know he can’t answer me, but I still talk to him as if he’s there. He brings me so much comfort. I also choose just one thing I am going to accomplish during the day because everything feels so monumental at the moment. Every little thing takes so much energy.  The one thing might be laundry, making my bed, dishes, going for a walk, anything. I applaud myself for getting that one thing done, and everything else can wait. I take my day hour by hour and allow myself to do whatever it is I need to do in that hour. Sometimes, that means I just sit and cry, sometimes I look through our photos over and over. I recently started a puzzle and I’ve found that to be calming when everything seems to just be too much. Allow yourself time to just sit and breath. 
 

I think you are doing the right thing to talk about those thoughts. If they become too intense , call a suicide hotline. Do you have a grief counselor? I’m finding it helpful. I know it’s not for everyone, but I recommend it. We are all here for you. Sending you strength. 

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Canadagirl81

Hi Friend.

If you are super concerned maybe consulting your doctor would give you some peace of mind. I will tell you that I have struggled with palpitations and a little bit of pain too over the last month or so. Stress can do so much to our bodies, even subconsciously. I must echo what @KG21 has said. Talking out loud to him helps me greatly. So does journaling. So does meditation. So does deep breathing. So does getting in the shower and just sitting there, letting the water run over me. There are tons of guided youtube meditations for grief that are free and super helpful and calming. Go easy on yourself. Absolutely call for help and talk to a professional if you are able. 

Feel all of the feelings and cry, let it out, scream. I screamed all the way home in the car today and kind of got in an argument with God or the universe or whatever is going on up there. You aren't alone....we are all here WITH you. 

xo 

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It just gets so much harder at times. I have come back to our home city where we both met first and though the memories are so very beautiful here, i get stuck on little realisations that he won't be here now. It feels like a very cruel show that is going on and i feel it will end and he will be back. I have had hopeful days when i meditated but right now everything seems so hard. I miss us so terribly and i feel I am just a shell with nothing in it. I don't know i am just feeling very hopeless.

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Canadagirl81

As we know, everything is temporary. It's so hard being in a familiar place that is filled with memories we had with our angels knowing that no new memories with them will be made. Trust me, I get it completely. You've had hopeful days so that tells me those days will return again. Let yourself just breathe in this space. Let things feel hard. Let them feel hopeless. He would want you to keep going, he would want you to take care of yourself even if that just means drinking a big glass of water and going to bed early. Miss him...tell him that, write it a thousand times in your journal if need be. Maybe put on a movie you love, something comforting and familiar. I find watching all my favourites very very cathartic, it takes my mind off of my reality for a bit. Be a shell but love yourself through it. Be the best friend to yourself as you can now....just as you would do for someone else in your situation. I hold hope for you. I hold hope for me. I hold hope for all of us.  
You are very much loved. 

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It's very hard to know the difference between heart and anxiety, but it might warrant a trip to the doctor.  George made me promise to get a stress test, so I did, passed with flying colors, but my anxiety was through the roof.  I finally got on medicine, I researched it and brought the info to the doctor, I didn't want a brain altering drug, no SSRIs, I got Buspirone (Buspar) low dose, will like take for life as I've always had anxiety, grief just make it worse.  I haven't had a panic attack in the 14 years since getting on it.
Physical Grief Symptoms Whats your Grief
Physical Reactions to Loss
Anxiety and Grief After Losing a Loved One
Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping
Coping with Anxiety in Grief
Depression vs symptomatic depression in grief

7 Things that Can Pull You Out of Depression - YouTube

 

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Canadagirl81

Wanted to check in and see how you are feeling today. 

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These two days have been extremely hard. I felt so many ups and downs ..but I got the chance to visit his mother and brother and that gave me a bit of peace for now..today is a new day..i hope I make it through. Sending love and light to all. 

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Canadagirl81

I’m glad you got to see them. Right with you with the ups and downs. Hugs sweetie xo 

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10 hours ago, Gagarina Nath said:

I got the chance to visit his mother and brother and that gave me a bit of peace for now..today is a new day..i hope I make it through.

Praying for you and so glad you got to see his mom and brother!

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