Lost of my baby nephew

[Maggie2022]

My beyond amazing 4yo nephew was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer early in 2021. Without getting into much detail, as it makes me deeply sad, he battled like a superhero for more than a year, but passed away last week. I've been absolutely sad for him, my brother and my sister in law for the past 13 months. I miss my little star so much, his voice, his laughter, his beautiful eyes and his smell. I can't watch the many videos we have of him without falling into a dark place where all I feel is hopelessness, sadness and loneliness. Today my heavy crying suddenly stopped, after 6 days. I don't know what to do now. If i should provoke myself by watching videos and go through my grief soon, or keep avoiding them so that I don't lose myself to dispair. I also don't know how to help his parents. Thinking about what they must be feeling is unbearable. Breaks my heart. I so much wish this didn't happen and they were still a happy family. I am also angry and disappointed at life. I'm confused as well. I feel like he is just away for a while and will come back home soon. I've such a deep love for him. I miss him so much I often want to stop living with the hope that I can meet him again. I am lost without him anyways. Like I don't have anything to look forward to anymore.

[LostHeartMom]

What a bright light he must have shined in his short life to have touched you so deeply. I am so sorry for you and your family's pain and hope you find healing.