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Not doing so well lately


William M

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It has been one year for me and absolutely EVERYTHING you have described experiencing is the same journey I have traveled. I promise you it gets easier.  What worked for me is ALWAYS keeping my mindset in moving forward and pulling out every coping skill I have including counseling, meditation, deep breathing, exercise, prayer, reflection, alone time, work time, friend time.  The evenings and weekends were the worst for me and I don't know what I would have done without my pets.  Identify your strengths that make you resilient, give yourself the grace of time and patience. Keep busy, minimize the time you are alone unless that is something you need in the moment.  Sometimes it is one hour at a time. Don't feel like things have to be done all at once.  Do things when YOU are ready.  Believe me, those times will come.  Grief is not something we get over. It will always be a part of us as a response to the love we had and the hurt of the loss, but you will create a new life and way of living around the grief and tragedy will slowly become memories that will make you smile.   Hang in there.  I am sending you hugs, love and light for your journey forward! 

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20 hours ago, Boogie said:

Remember this...you have already survived 100% of your worst days!

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I'm saving this, it seems perfect in answer to his post...I know all too well how hard this is, and yet you've accomplished so much, I haven't begun to take on the projects you have, they overwhelm and daunt me to attempt alone.  I still do one day at a time, I can't look ahead very far, have to stay in today, otherwise it is too much.  :wub:

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Hi William, my love was declared brain dead on the day your wife passed away and then he left here on Christmas eve. So I too am going on 3 months and for some reason my mind is still in a frozen state. Every now and again it hits me that he is not coming back . There's so much I want to tell him and get his feedback on but I can't. It's good that you are completing projects but I can see how you may feel empty when she is not there to applaud your accomplishments. It's hard. I can't believe we are all going through this but I'm seeing more and more that it's a part of life. We live to die and this of us who are left behind feel the pain immensely. I have so many things to do but I don't want to do anything so it's a good thing that you are keeping yourself occupied. Hang in there. That's really all we can do until we are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I love everything that everyone has said to you 

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Hi William, I have lost the love of my life a month ago, and it gives me strength reading how you have been able to atleast attempt to do things for her. I am struggling a lot but just seeing you being able to just hold on is a blessing. I am grateful again today for this space and for your presence. 

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I am about in the same time frame.  A bit over 3 months.  I had a bad week last week.  Just feeling lonely and sorry for myself.  Then I feel guilty.  It feels like I am not grieving him specifically just missing someone who cares for me in that way.  I try not to dwell on it.  I just keep chugging along trying to move forward and trying to find the positive in my life.  

My daughter has seriously been a God send.  I couldn't do this with out her.  Believe me a 12 year old keeps me hopping.  Even though somedays I feel I am helping her life her "best life" and not finding any happiness in mine.  I recognize I need to work on my happiness, but there also isn't alot of time for that with a 12 year old who is in schoalstic bowl, drama club, FFA and travel softball.  

I too have lots of projects.  Trying to get the house cleaned up.  I feel like I made huge progress at first.  Now I feel like I am stuck a little and just maintaining what I did.  (the messy 12 yo doesn't help)  By the time I get home from work and get done being taxi driver to my daughter my energy is a little low for housework.  Then on the weekends we run like crazy people to softball practice and lessons and church and youth group.  Who has time for anything. 

I do like the thought that at least the hardest days are behind us.

Just keep moving forward.  Unfortunately we can't go back in time.

 

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15 minutes ago, Tami M said:

Then I feel guilty.  It feels like I am not grieving him specifically just missing someone who cares for me in that way. 

Try to dispel any thoughts of guilt, ALL of your grief, ALL of your feelings are valid...at times one thing will hit you, at other times another, different parts to the same grief.  

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On 3/10/2022 at 4:40 AM, Canadagirl81 said:

I leave you with a poem by Henry Scott-Holland

@RN-Nix that gave me chills, I just forwarded this same poem to his mother yesterday ❤️

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Canadagirl81

@Roseapple and @RN-Nix <3 <3 <3 I love this poem and when it was sent to me it instantly brought me comfort. Glad I shared it on here!! 

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@Canadagirl81I was going to message you yesterday.  I wasnt sure if you posted it...I drove myself nuts looking for it. Then I gave up and Said..it will resurface and sure enough....WA LA lol lol thank you.  The words are true

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@Canadagirl81those words are as if he is speaking directly to me. After he died I had a dream that he was holding me and thanking me for everything and then he went into "the next room" as the passage said and my kids said "mommy his pressure is high" and it was before he passed. It also says "pray for me " ...one day we were just texting randomly and he text "pray for me" .....this is so profound. Nothing surprises me and nothing is coincidental.....I just have to channel my emotions until we meet again . Thank you for sharing. I'm going to read it every day . I have another one that I will share 

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Canadagirl81

@RN-Nix I am not surprised AT ALL that the poem returned to you right when you needed it. I think I want to get it framed. I absolutely LOVE what you just posted.....It's amazing and just what I needed right in this moment. Thank you so so much. 

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20 hours ago, RN-Nix said:

 

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For me it was the pansy, the dragonfly, the rainbow...they give us signs.

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