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My Dad. My Best Friend.


ewagoner311

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My dad was my absolute best friend. I remember the day he died, like it was yesterday. It was January 20, 2011. The day before my little sister's birthday. I got a frantic phone call from my older sister, saying that my dad had been shot. She didn't know how, or by who. She said she had to call me back, then she hung up. I was in complete shock. I lived an hour away at the time, and I was waiting for my in-laws to get there, that were on their way. It was the longest wait of my entire life. I finally decided to turn on the news, to see if I could get any information on what happened, that way. Little did I know I was in for the most traumatic and horrific experience of my life. There, on the t.v. was my dad's house. Standing in the doorway of the house were two police officers pointing assault rifles into the door. At the end of those guns, was my father. I stood there, in front of the t.v. and watched the policemen fire into the house and kill my father.

At that very moment, I felt my whole body start burn like I was on fire. That was my dad. My best friend. My children's papa. My father was such a great guy. How could this happen? He would never hurt anybody. He would give you the shirt off of his back and the last dollar in his pocket. My father was battling a drug addiction for many years, but if you ever saw him as a stranger walking down the street, you would never guess that in a million years. He was a very handsome man. Muscular, tan. All the women were attracted to him. But deep inside, he had that demon, that he had been struggling with for many years. Even though, he had an addiction. His daughters were his absolute world. He cherished us more than anything this world had to offer. I like to believe I had a special connection with him. We were like twins. We understood each other. In my eyes, if I had a problem, nobody could fix it except my dad. He was my hero.

These past nine months have been pure hell for me. All the racing emotions in my mind. Why did this happen? How could this have happened? How did I not see the warning signs? Why didn't he call me that day? I have millions of questions in my head, and an everlasting pain in my heart. I feel so alone with all of this, b/c the one person that could help me at my darkest hour was him. How can I go through life without my super hero? I feel so numb and just do down right cold the majority of the time. Like I'm alive on the outside, but on the inside, I too, died on January 20th. I'm not sure why life just isn't fair sometimes, and I'm not sure how people make it through these tough times of grief. But one thing I do know, is I am lucky in the aspect that I have an amazing angel looking over me, and hopefully guiding me through life. If I know my dad, he's not far away from me, and he's ready to battle anything bad that tries to come my way. I miss you every single day pops. I promise to come for you. If you promise to wait for me.......Daughter

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad. Losing a parent is a huge loss and it sounds like you and your dad were very close. The circumstances must make it even more painful. I am sorry for all the hurt you are enduring. I lost my mom a little less than a year ago and it is still hard. When your kids also lose a grandparent that seems to compound the loss. After the initial sadness, shock and pain I kind of went numb...just shutting it out emotionally until just recently...then it hit me. It is so hard adjusting to a loss so huge. Losing that person who was your friend supporter, confidante and knew and loved you better than almost anyone else in the world. What I am finding is that talking about it helps. I hear from many others that is true for them as well. I hope you have support and people you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with. You can always come and "talk" here. There are people who have been there and understand the pain of loss and grief. Unfortunately not everyone does. I share things here as it is hard for my family to listen. They are good people, it just makes them uncomfortable. Thank you for sharing your story here. Please come back and post anytime you want. As others have said we will be here to listen. Take care and God bless.

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Thank you for taking the time to ready my story. Writing about it really helped me, b/c I too, keep it bottled up and I start to feel numb and pretty much just immune to any emotions. I am sorry for your loss as well. It is very tough to lose a parent. Writing on here reassures me that I'm not alone in this, and I'm not the only one going through this. I miss my dad every single second of every single day, but I know one day, I will overcome this, and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you again, for responding to my post. Talking about it, does help. Hopefully, I can continue doing so, and get back on my path to recovery. :)

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I can very much relate to feeling alive on the outside but not inside. It feels some days like I am just going through the motions. My Dad was my best friend, too... who do you go to for guidance and support when the person you've always turned to is no longer there? I feel very lost without him, and like your situation, the whole thing feels extremely unfair and wrong. <3

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