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It’s good to hear from you @tlc!  I know you and your husband would plant a garden every year, did you plant one for yourself this year too?  How is it doing?  And how is your cat?

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

I bought CBD oil for Joe, my neighbor's dog (Chow that injured me) as he had severe arthritis, and he had marked improvement the next day when I walked him.  We kept him on it the rest of his life

Thanks Kay. I was also told about the CBD oil from my brother's SIL, she has a few dogs of her own and said that when she gives her elderly dog the oil, the dog became like a puppy. I ordered some hemp oil from Amazon, after reading a lot of the reviews and it wasn't too expensive just to try out. It's only been a few days but I notice that the dog walks and runs more easily. Plus it's supposed to relax them and give them a shinier coat. I'll see what the vet recommends and if he doesn't prescribe her anything, I'll continue with the oil. I have to mix it with her food because she wouldn't drink it mixed with her water. 

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14 hours ago, tlc said:

It' will be four years in April since I lost the love of my life.

It's will be four years in March for me...i'm trying to think how can i do to remember him that night...i'd like not to be alone in my house!

 

15 hours ago, SSC said:

it might be nice to start a thread for those of us who have been grieving for a long time and still find ourselves coming to the forum for a place to find a connection.  Our grief may not be as intense as it was in the beginning but the community we have found here still understands we suffered a loss and we miss our partners.  

Great idea SSC! 

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@tlc, yes I am back home to the frigid cold awaiting spring.  As always this time of year I am jealous of your garden but if I remember right, didn’t you say something about having flowers almost year round?  It’s good to know your cat is still with you and from what others are saying in this thread maybe a little cbd oil might be nice for her as well?!  I know how much comfort our pets can be for us thru our grief and to lose them…best not to even think of it.

@Sparky1I know someone else mentioned this before but have you considered getting a puppy now so your older dog can help train the puppy for you?  Just a thought.  It also helps to have another dog to keep the puppy entertained so you don’t have to constantly walk and play with him!  What breed of dog do you have?  Would she tolerate a new puppy around?

BTW @KayC how could anyone say no to that adorable face of Kodie’s?  Yes, he was definitely meant to be yours!

@Roxeanne, I too am totally alone in my house and I hate it.  Do you have family that lives near by or friends that visit?  As of right now I do not work so I do not go out and see people routinely and sometimes it can get very lonely.  I really think I need to change my living pattern because it hasn’t been good for my mental health.

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@SSC Thanks for starting this thread. 

I am also struggling with whether to get a dog.

My sweet beagle provided tremendous emotional support to me following the death of my husband. When the dog died, 3 years after my husband died, I hoped to do a significant amount of traveling, visiting friends and family around the US. My thought was I'd travel for a few years and then get a new dog. 

Well the pandemic sank my travel plans. 

My son gave me his  sweet cat, that is unusually affectionate, to give me some company. (It was his wife's cat before they married and he is allergic to cats, so he was happy to rehome it.)  But I'm really not a cat person.  I think she is as good a cat as there is, and she has been a good companion to me, but I prefer the goofy personality of dogs. (I've had Beagles and English Springer Spaniels)

So I am also struggling with the issue of getting another dog.  (The cat has lived with dogs all her life, so she will take it in stride I think.)

I have found myself browsing the photos in the Beagle Rescue website in Tampa.  Several adult dogs looked great to me, but I haven't made a move to get one.  

I am conflicted.  Getting a dog feels like giving up on my travel plans.  Those travel plans have been a big part of what I have been looking forward to.  They represent a mentally healthier, happier me.

But the pandemic lingers on, and I am not sure when I will actually feel secure in traveling.  Being stuck at home would be more fun with a dog, less like solitary confinement. 

I feel like I am in a holding pattern, waiting for my life to begin,  . . when I can travel,  . . .when I can get my dog. 

In the meantime, while I wait, years are ticking by.  I am going to more and more funerals, and have friends dealing with all sorts of serious health issues, Parkinsons, dementia, strokes, hip and knee replacements, vision problems, etc.  It feels like time is getting very short for me to be active, traveling by myself, breaking in a new dog, whatever. 

As to whether to get a puppy or an adult dog, I have always had dogs from puppy hood.  I like the opportunity to mold their personalities, building a strong foundation of trust for both dog and human.  But at my age, 67, I don't think I have the energy to take on a puppy.  I am also concerned that I don't have enough years left in my life to take care of a dog for its full life span.  So I am going to get an adult dog that needs a new home.  

If I were a decade younger, I'd be getting a puppy. 

Gail

 

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SSC I do have roses and lavender and carnations and geraniums as well as veggies. I have quite a big garden. Don't know what I would do with myself without it actually. I have felt so sorry for those living in apartments during vivid lockdown. At least ie have had my garden and nature.

I will be starting my cat Lily on CBD oil shortly. Just waiting for the vet to get it. Hopefully, it helps.

As far as loneliness is concerned, I get the whole problem about missing "our person". Doesn't seem to matter if you have wonderful supportive family or no one at all. We are just lost and grieving for our person who loved us unconditionally and completely. As far as I'm concerned, I will be married heart and soul to Terry u til my end and hopefully afterwards!!

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22 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

I ordered some hemp oil from Amazon

I got my hemp oil 30,000 maximum potency from Busters on eBay, they were affordable and definitely helped my Arlie when he had cancer (he was 110 lbs then) and Joe (about 70 lbs).  It's important to have a good source and know it works...I saw an expose on Inside Edition, they tested several brands and some contained very minute quantities, not what touted, so not all are equal, unfortunately, some are unscrupulous!

19 hours ago, SSC said:

I am back home to the frigid cold awaiting spring

Me too!  More snow coming in Friday on, ruining my plans to go to my grandson's 5th birthday party.  :(

19 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Getting a dog feels like giving up on my travel plans. 

Yes unless you find a good kennel, Kodie doesn't have alternative care yet, everyone seems to have big dogs that bite so I can't place him with my friends.  :(  The one kennel here requires rabies and license tags on their collar but his got lost, was able to replace the license tag but they won't replace the rabies one.  Mere receipt or the common sense you can't get a license without the rabies shot does not seem to apply. 

19 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

But at my age, 67, I don't think I have the energy to take on a puppy.

That's what I'd thought, Kodie was born on my 67th birthday, I got him two months later.  It turned out all my fears were for naught, but he was a good puppy. ;)  Arlie was a handful his first year here (he was turning one shortly after I got him) but turned out to be perfect with some effort on my part.  I wouldn't have missed a day with him, but then again, I was younger then!

18 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

My cousin just died on Thursday, the viewing is tomorrow and the service is on Monday.

I am so sorry.  It's very hard to attend funerals after our own loss....it stirs it up afresh.  :(

 

 

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 For what it’s worth tlc,  you know how I feel about it.  You will continue your relationship with Terry in the afterlife for eternity if that is what you both want!  We just have to wait it out here for a while, right?  Only it feels like eternity for us here while waiting!  Ugh!  Until then we will do what we can to make our waiting time bearable.

Gail, you and I were in the same frame of mind when covid hit.  The idea of traveling and then getting a pet was the idea.  Now that the mandates are loosened and countries are opened up I may re think all this.  I’ve also become more brave about traveling alone.  Not sure about going to another country tho…maybe only if it’s a guided tour, which I’m not really fond of….

I wanted to wish you good luck with the viewing and funeral of your cousin Sparky.  I am very sorry for your loss.  I hope your family will be a comfort to you during this sad time.  Take care.

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On 2/25/2022 at 11:06 PM, SSC said:

I had to put my dog down 4 months before my husband died.  I was determined not to get another pet because I thought for sure I was going to be traveling the next few years of my life.  Well, that never happened.  Traveling alone has zero appeal to me.  Now I have been living alone for 3 years and debating on whether to get another dog or not.  Definitely NOT a puppy but a 2-3 year old dog.  Or maybe 2..then I won’t feel so bad leaving them home alone for a few hours so they can keep each other company.  It’s such a big commitment but I know having a “companion” would be so nice!

Hi SSC, great thread idea and we are clearly simpatico on the dog thing, although our circumstances are a little different...I put down her/our/my dog 8 yrs almost to the day that she passed. I also haven't gotten another dog because living alone I felt it would tie me down and I couldn't go anywhere, especially on vacation. Fast forward 3+ yrs later.....I haven't gone on any vacation (like you I'm not about to go alone) and rarely go anywhere. And I have also thought getting two would make sense, so if I'm out on a day trip or have to go to work or whatever, they aren't alone.

Still, I worry what if something happened to me, who would take care of them? No family lives even in the same state and even friends (the few real ones I have) don't live close enough either. I don't know my neighbors nearly well enough, everyone keeps to themselves. And I would hate to think of them losing me and then being split up. 

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On 2/26/2022 at 10:07 AM, Sparky1 said:

This is a great idea SSC. I still frequent this forum very much, it brings me comfort knowing great people are here.

My dog is almost 15 and she has the beginning of arthritis as well. I am bringing her into the vet next week to get her checked out, and at her age I worry about losing her. Without her I would've went crazy a long time ago as she is all I have in the house. I'm also contemplating on a replacement dog when she finally goes. I know puppies are a lot of work but I would get a puppy. We've had our current dog right from the beginning so she is very dear to me.

I hear you Sparky...this dog was a lifeline to me when I went through my loss. As for puppy vs not, I'd really like to get one as I've never had one, but I might opt for a rescue dog instead, to save a life that otherwise might not be saved. Especially for my favorite breed, Jack Russells...many people get them not realizing what they're in for and so many end up being given to shelters or as rescue dogs. I think there was a big surge in this problem after "Frasier" became popular and a lot of people wanted one, again being clueless about them.

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1 hour ago, widower2 said:

. . .  Especially for my favorite breed, Jack Russells...many people get them not realizing what they're in for and so many end up being given to shelters or as rescue dogs. 

Widower2, 

This is true for Beagles too.  They look cute and people get them not understanding that Beagles are stubborn, independent, howlers. After a few years of frustration, sometimes abuse, they are given up as incorrigible. 

They can be wonderful dogs, but you have to work with their natural tendencies. 

Jack Russell's can be a handful, but they are very smart dogs. 

Gail

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OMG, I had to laugh at this one as a friend adopted a dog, she was a "working dog" but they didn't have sheep for her to herd, so after a couple of month of Kodie and I getting attached to Bella, they suddenly rehomed her with someone!  We missed her greatly and I hope she's happy.  But then suddenly, they adopted a HUSKY!  What???!!  I asked her if she KNEW anything about Huskies!  They are wonderful intelligent dogs with great personalities but they're known for their energy and stubbornness!  I know because they're my favorite dog!  (Kodie is a Klee Kai, which is a miniature Husky).  He is blended enough that he's not quite as stubborn, Arlie was half Husky, half Golden Retriever, a wonderful combination!  But they take working with.  She is a huge disciplinarian and was used to German Shepherds.  I was sure this one would be doomed to go the same route as Bella, but so far they still have her two years in!  But the power struggle persists...I mean, I couldn't help but think, after all they'd already been through, you'd think they'd at least CHECK into what kind of dog the breed is!  

And I agree with you 1,000% on needing tougher animal abuse laws.  They say what one does to a dog you can expect them to do the same to a child.  To me an animal is not a "piece of property" to be depreciated and paid off with $ for someone killing them.  To me, they are my child, my family member, and if someone harms one of mine, they can take what I dish out and they will not like it I guarantee!  To me our animals should be included in the "stand your ground" laws some states have.

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Thinking of you @Sparky1, I hope going to your cousin’s funeral didn’t set you back emotionally too much.  I know attending these events are difficult when our grief is so fresh and we miss our partners so much.  It seems we have come to the age where this will be part of our lives now and we are the experts at understanding loss.  

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On 3/1/2022 at 8:40 PM, widower2 said:

Jack Russells...many people get them not realizing what they're in for and so many end up being given to shelters or as rescue dogs.

That's how my friends got their wonderful rescue dog Raleigh (the shelter named her Roxie, a fine name, but not "her").  She's a mix of Parson and Jack Russell terrier with maybe a little of something else thrown in.  She's 12 now and was between 2 and 3 when they got her.  She had been abandoned in a field and was picked up and taken to the shelter.  No one knows her back story, but she has a sensitive digestive system and can only have fish and lamb for her animal proteins or she gets sick.  Her parents spent months patiently and lovingly helping her become the dog she is today.  At first she was alternately afraid and cowering (still does flinch when her harness goes over her head, so I bet she was hit as a puppy), tentatively loving, or overly excitable.  They think that she was afraid to bond for fear of being abused or abandoned again.

Now she is my second favorite dog ever.  Our Charlie Bear will always be first in my heart; he was my soul dog.  Over the past several years, Raleigh has absolutely blossomed.  She's smart and stubborn, but minds us 90% of the time.  She's not a big barker, which is great, though she barks when she thinks it's necessary.  She's super playful, as if making up for missing out on puppyhood.  Lordy, does that girl get the zoomies when she's happy!  Yet she's also a cuddler and loves nothing more than to spend the end of the day all snuggled up warm, being held and holding us.  And she adores me, fully integrating me into her pack.  In fact, I'm her Goddogmother.  If anything happens to my friends, their sweet girl will come live with me.  It's even in their wills now with money set aside for her needs.

The afternoons and early evenings I have with her are so precious to me that when I told my friend I was thinking about getting a rescue cat this fall (can't until I know if I need surgery on my shoulder and I have the kitchen remodel done), I said, "Okay, here's what I'm thinking.  I want an adult female because their personalities are already established.  I like medium- or long-hair and prefer tabby markings over all others.  Oh, and the most important requirement:  Must be good with small dogs because your Raleigh is my number one priority.  When she's here and I'm focused on her, the cat must be good with it."  Raleigh has been around cats since the day her parents brought her home and is fine with them.  In fact, my friend fosters kittens and Raleigh helps socialize them in being around other animals.

I don't know how I would have made it through the pandemic without my Raleigh days.  I really don't.  I was just starting to step back out into the world, figuring out how to forge a life I could lead, when the stay at home orders first happened.  My friends decided it was going to shove me backward in my grief (it did) and asked if I wanted Raleigh more often (I did).  I know terriers can be a handful, but with the right training, environment, and family, they are wonderful companions.

Here is a little close up of her holding my hand while she sleeps snuggled up tight with her back and bum rolled into my thigh and hip.  When she does that, she wants me to slide my arm up around her tummy and chest.  Then she rolls her legs around my arm and holds me with her paws.  I will sit with her like that even if my arm goes to sleep or I get a cramp in my leg.  The love just oozes off her in waves.

 

On 3/2/2022 at 11:12 PM, widower2 said:

Well said. If I was king for a day, there would be federal laws mandating that people get some kind of briefing about the kind of dog they're getting before being allowed to own them. (And you probably don't want to know my ideas on far tougher animal abuse laws.....) 

Yes!  Our Charlie Bear was a purebred Keeshond.  We bought him from a reputable local breeder, though because they're not "popular" dogs, over breeding isn't usually an issue.  He was from the number one champion line and we had all his genealogy.  John had had Kees before, so he knew the breed was an excellent choice for our family.  We chose our vet because he was the one who cared for most of the Kees in our area.  When we took Charlie for his health check the day after we brought him home, the vet gave him a thorough exam (he'd also been the one who cared for Charlie's mom and dad and certified Charlie's birth).  In all seriousness, the vet looked at us and said, "Do you understand Keeshonds?  Do you know the temperament, personality, and medical needs?  Do you understand that these are highly social dogs who must be part of the family, and will you give him proper exercise, attention, and love?  Are you willing to do what is necessary for him to thrive?"  I mean, he was adamant that we were not leaving his office until we understood and agreed.  John told him about his previous Kees and the vet said, "Good.  Then I'm happy for you to have him."  I really appreciated that vet for all the years he took care of our pets, not just Charlie.  He was truly an "old fashioned" vet who really cared.

I wouldn't dream of getting a dog without understanding his or her breed or breeds.  It makes me crazy when people talk about "surprising" someone with a dog or other pet, especially when it's a child.  Too many people think of pets as "cute" little accessories that can be dumped at will.  When I read about someone dumping/abandoning an animal because he or she has gotten older, slower, and maybe developed the health issues that go along with aging, I truly want to punch that person in the face--and I am not generally a violent person!  Anyone who would abuse, neglect, or abandon an animal is not even human in my eyes.

Our laws really do need to be strengthened when it comes to animal cruelty.  (Okay, off my soapbox for now.)

Raleigh holding hands (2).jpeg

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Hello folks, 

I am going to launch off on a tangent here that for me is a sticky tar pit that often drags me down into depression.  I am wondering how all of you, as caring thoughtful people, avoid sinking into these moral quagmires.  I'd like to find a way to get unstuck.

In the discussion here about pets, I concur with all of the strongly held feelings that neglect or abuse of animals is despicable. I have always considered our dogs as members of the family.  I have spent absurd amounts of money on our pets.  

That being said, I have often been very trouble by the moral implications of the financial inequities in life.   I feel like I have often made the immoral, or less moral, choice, and it greatly troubles me.  

Example:  My sweet beagle needed knee replacement surgery at age 3. The alternative treatment was amputation of his leg.  We opted for surgery, from the best orthopedic surgeon we could find, a 3-hour drive away. Cost $3,800.00. 

Morally, how is that defensible when Doctors Without Borders show you child after child with debilitating needs that will suffer or die for lack of medicine, surgery, or such. 

My dog would have had a happy life as a 3- legged dog.  We would have still loved and pampered him.  

The surgery was totally successful. The dog lived to the age of 15 with full use of all 4 legs. 

But morally it still seems indefensible to me. 

When we talk about needing to strengthen laws punishing animal abuse or neglect, my mind jumped directly to how terribly weak our laws are regarding child abuse. Day after day we all read the horror stories of the tragic suffering and death of children.  Shouldn't we strengthen those laws first.  

Of course we should strengthen both, but reality is there is only so much time and energy to be spent on lobbying for good causes.  

Maybe I should delete this post altogether.  There is no way to prioritize what is good, better, best in life.  

I just spend way too much time troubled by the idea that I should have lived differently.  Not that I was/am a "bad" person.  But I could have been, should have been, better. 

Perhaps when I stand at the pearly gates, . . . 

Gail

 

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17 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

They rolled in the coffin and I  nearly had a heart attack. The coffin was 100% identical to the one my wife is buried in.

Wow, I can understand that hitting you hard.  I'm glad you got through it, I wish your brother/SIL had made the effort to be there with you if for no other reason.

 

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20 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Our Charlie Bear was a purebred Keeshond

A neighbor had a keeshond/Husky, about 40 lbs, they were her seventh home!  I couldn't imagine anyone rehoming her, she was the sweetest girl iin the world, I loved her and told them if they ever needed a home or sitter, I'd take her, of course they didn't!  She passed away about a year ago. :(

Terrier is what Jackson is, the little dog I tried to adopt in 2019, she bit me four times!  Otherwise she was perfect.  They lied to me about her background, they knew...he needed to go to Portland where someone could take her to a doggy psychologist, they don't have one in Eugene.  I have permanent damage from it.  The next day they listed him as "good with kids and pets!" My friend called them out on it so they blocked her...and me.  I wish I could have an update on his life, I still think of him. 

Jackson-8.jpg

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Gail, to answer your question, I do not equate dogs as "lesser than" as to me they are like my children, put in my care to take care of.  As a member of my family I will do whatever I can for them.  That's like asking how I can sit down to eat at night when there are starving people.  Honestly, I can't take care of all of the woes of the world, I do what I can.  To me the moral obligation lies with those who have exploited, governments who have done little for their people, for those with greed who turn a cold heart and pocketbook when they waste so much in all of their wealth.  I cannot judge, it's not my place, but I do not feel guilty doing what I can for one of my own.  There's been times in my life I could afford more, times when I was dirt broke, I know both sides of the coin.    I do not consider myself morally reprehensible.

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@foreverhis I appreciate your eloquent response to Gail’s post. I agree with you 100%!  It is so difficult to watch what is happening in the world these days and we only wish to leave things better for our children and grandchildren.  

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2 hours ago, foreverhis said:

child/human suffering

Today i read in the news that 100 children were killed in Ukraine...in only one town!

This break my heart...what kind of world is this we are living now?

If you are able to kill children, innocent people, animals...the life itself...freedom and democracy, all the values we believe in...there is no hope anymore!!!

Darkness come...

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54 minutes ago, SSC said:

  . . .  It is so difficult to watch what is happening in the world these days and we only wish to leave things better for our children and grandchildren.  

SSC, 

Everything is so darn complicated and intertwined.  It is hard to know what to do. 

Example: I had an all electric Nissan Leaf, on a 3 year lease.  I loved the idea that I was not emitting greenhouse gas as I drove around, doing my small part for slowing climate change. (My municipal electric provider generates electricity from large solar farms.)  I wanted to purchase an electric vehicle after the lease ended. I researched all about electric vehicles and learned that the cobalt used to make their batteries comes mostly from the Democratic Republic of Congo (70% of the world's cobalt comes from DRC) and cobalt mining is a horrible, brutal business in the DRC. No mining safety standards, people die in collapsed mines frequently, washing the cobalt ore is back breaking work done by women and children polluting the rivers and lakes. Pulverizing the cobalt into powder is often done by children. UNICEF documented that more and 40,000 children were essentially slave laborers in cobalt mining, some as young as 4 years old. Many of the children were orphans, their parents having died working in cobalt mining and processing. 

This cobalt is also in our computer batteries, cell phones and other electronics. 

So now I don't think I'll buy an electric car, but I also feel terrible about using my computer and cell phone.  

It's like the more you learn about anything, the more you find out about horrible things you didn't previously know. 

As you say, I just want to do what I can do to leave things better for future generations, including my grandchildren.  But not at the expense of other people suffering horribly, other children laboring in dust and dying of lung cancer. 

I have a hard time telling myself to just not think about it.  

There is that wise adage that it is important to recognize there are things you cannot change.  I know I can't change cobalt mining in DRC. But I still feel bad typing all this on my cell phone. 

Gail

 

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11 minutes ago, Roxeanne said:

....what kind of world is this we are living now?

Darkness come...

Roxeanne, 

War is the most horrible thing.  My heart breaks for what is happening in Ukraine. 

Prayer is all I can do on that front for now. 

Gail

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

. . .  I do not consider myself morally reprehensible.

Kay, 

I don't think you are morally reprehensible either. Quite the contrary, I admire you very much. 

I'm just sharing that I mentally struggle with these impossible moral dilemmas all the time and it's crippling me.  I wish I could turn my brain off.

Gail

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On 3/1/2022 at 10:36 PM, widower2 said:

like you I'm not about to go alone

I know how that feeling goes. I came to realize that I don't have many friends, I learned that after losing my husband. People dropped like flies, you would have thought I was contagious. I found that one of my friends will travel with me. A part of me want to travel, but I don't want to travel alone. Hubby and I used to take cruises. Maybe as the world opens up, I'll find someone to cruise with. That was always a good way to meet people.

I hadn't noticed this thread before. I'm glad I found it.

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On 2/26/2022 at 2:10 PM, Gail 8588 said:

My sweet beagle provided tremendous emotional support to me following the death of my husband

Gail 8588:  I love Beagles! They are some real characters. Smart doggos. And very loving and loyal. But they do need their human to be committed so they will stay out of trouble. Before I got sick I used to see myself training and playing with a Beagle. I think they'd be all sorts of fun but only for a person who has the time and understands the Beagles needs for closeness and activity. 

My husband and I once thought we'd get a French Bulldog that is, until we did our homework. We learned that they cannot be left alone and cannot tolerate heat, among other things. They require a lot of care. And they are also very expensive. We realized that a Frenchie would not be best for our lifestyle. Our neighbors had 3 Chihuahuas that we fell in love with. Did our homework and decided that if we were to get another dog, we'd get a Chi. Not all of them are yappers or biters and in reality, they shouldn't be allowed to do that. Most Chis I've encountered are quiet and love to play. They are good "lap dogs". They don't require long walks, mostly just want to be rubbed and loved and they travel well. I can't have a dog now but if I could, I'd get one. I've got my 2 cats and am so thankful to have them. They help keep me going. 

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On 2/26/2022 at 9:35 AM, KayC said:

This was him our first night...he's with my son's dog, Bruno (Siberian Husky). They get along great!  His best friend is a Husky, 2 1/2 times his size, Bruno is doube that!

 

KayC:  Just try saying THIS really fast!  "KayC's Klee Kai Kodie is a real cutie!"  ROFL :lol:

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18 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I have often been very trouble by the moral implications of the financial inequities in life.   I feel like I have often made the immoral, or less moral, choice, and it greatly troubles me.

Gail 8588:  I think you have fallen prey to the guilt some in the world want us to feel. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Your dog and sick and starving children in foreign countries are separate issues. You almost made it sound as if you spent the money on yourself instead of your dog. But he's your dog, a part of your life, your family and you wanted to do right by him and you did. Happy ending. You can still donate to charitable causes. Maybe you can't donate what you spent for your dog's surgery but even the smallest amount matters. But beware; in some Third World countries, their govt keeps most of the money before any cause or charity sees it. 

People will travel to some of these countries and pay locals to be their guide or give them a little money for hosting them for a native meal. But what they don't know is that these locals are forced to "be friendly, be nice and cook for visitors" and then their govt takes most of their money. Some even have annual quotas to meet. Because of my father's work, my family once lived in Laos. It was just ahead of the Fall of Saigon, I will never forget it. Every so often I will look up Laos and you know what? It has hardly changed, hardly progressed. Many are still without electricity and indoor plumbing. And...their families still are not getting good medical care. STILL! And that's what happens in oppressed nations under communist rule or dictatorship. So be careful, just do your homework and research a cause or charity before donating. There are even charities in our own country that use donations to pay "administrative fees and CEO's...think big houses and fancy cars and vacations. So select wisely (I'm sure you do). 

My point in telling you all this is that you have nothing to feel guilty about and in fact, should be applauded for doing what you did and do. :)

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14 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

There is that wise adage that it is important to recognize there are things you cannot change.

This is all far bigger than we are, we cannot effect change unilaterally, we can collectively but it requires gov't response.  It's all such a mess...what have we done to our world and system in the last 200 years!

14 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I'm just sharing that I mentally struggle with these impossible moral dilemmas all the time and it's crippling me.  I wish I could turn my brain off.

I know you weren't targeting me per sae, I'm just stating how I look at it.  Honestly, I can't even bear to watch the news now, it's crushing us.  Too much we can't change by ourselves, such as this war.  But I can offer support with prayers and donations to those who CAN help the situation.

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On 3/3/2022 at 10:01 PM, foreverhis said:

It makes me crazy when people talk about "surprising" someone with a dog or other pet, especially when it's a child.  Too many people think of pets as "cute" little accessories that can be dumped at will. 

A lot of morons out there. This is why it disgusts me that anyone can own a pet. It should be a privilege, not a "right," because the animal should have rights too. 

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When I read about someone dumping/abandoning an animal because he or she has gotten older, slower, and maybe developed the health issues that go along with aging, I truly want to punch that person in the face--and I am not generally a violent person!  Anyone who would abuse, neglect, or abandon an animal is not even human in my eyes.

Amen. When I hear about anyone mistreating an animal in any way for ANY reason...I want to do a great deal more than a punch in the face. PS and FYI I would happily give you an alibi and perjure myself if necessary in doing so ("impossible your honor, she couldn't have done it, she was at a party at my house"). 

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Our laws really do need to be strengthened when it comes to animal cruelty.  (Okay, off my soapbox for now.)

To put it mildly. And soapbox away...I think the problem is we don't have enough people on the soapbox, esp people in power. 

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On 3/4/2022 at 12:41 PM, Gail 8588 said:

Hello folks, 

I am going to launch off on a tangent here that for me is a sticky tar pit that often drags me down into depression.  I am wondering how all of you, as caring thoughtful people, avoid sinking into these moral quagmires.  I'd like to find a way to get unstuck.

(snip)

I just spend way too much time troubled by the idea that I should have lived differently.  Not that I was/am a "bad" person.  But I could have been, should have been, better. 

Who on this Earth couldn't be better than they are Gail...we're all human and by definition imperfect, something we cannot change. I would start with reminding yourself of that, and that it's OK not to be perfect. Almost all of us are our own worst critics, and while it's great that we're not narcissists or egomaniacs, going too far the other way and beating ourselves up because we didn't do every possible thing we could have doesn't strike me as fair or good or right either. Be fair at least; if we're going to criticize ourselves for not doing this or that, shouldn't we also give ourselves credit for the good we DO accomplish? Again I don't mean in an over-the-top arrogant way, but again in a fair-is-fair way. There is nothing wrong with taking some pride and comfort in the good we do. I'd say try to focus more on that, while still striving to do whatever else you can, and accepting that you can't do it all and that's not something that's fair to criticize yourself for. Bad things have been happening to good people from day one. No one person can save the whole world. 

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18 hours ago, tnd said:

Gail 8588:  I love Beagles! They are some real characters. Smart doggos. And very loving and loyal.

And that bark lol :) We had one growing up (not pure beagle, but mostly). Great dog.  

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On 3/4/2022 at 2:55 PM, KayC said:

A neighbor had a keeshond/Husky, about 40 lbs, they were her seventh home!

She must have a been absolutely beautiful, inside and out.  Kees are lively when young, very inquisitive, and need lots of attention.  They are generally very intelligent and can be stubborn, but usually take well to training.  Their full double coat means that they also need daily grooming, which some people find a bother.  As long as they're started young and with a gentle hand, grooming can be a loving, bonding time.  I guess some people bring home a Kees or Husky or mix and then decide they're just not worth the effort.

Kees are excellent family dogs.  They welcome new friends and are almost always very loving.  But they do take work with training, exercise, attention, and time.  Not everyone is willing to make that commitment.

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4 hours ago, foreverhis said:

As long as they're started young and with a gentle hand, grooming can be a loving, bonding time. 

foreverhis:  My female cat is a long-haired Maine Coon Mix. I don't really look at the time I spend brushing her as grooming or maintenance. I look at it as a special time between just me and her. That's when we do the most talking. She loves it. 

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