I lost my brother to suicide

[farmkids5655]

My older brother Jim ended his life 9/23/2011 by hanging himself in a tree in my parents back yard. My Mom was the one who found him and had to get him down. My brother and I didn't always see eye to eye. He was an alcholic and drank all the time. We had a fight in August 2011 and we barely spoke to each other. He lived with my parents and my children loved him so much. They called him "Big Jim" he played with them all the time. He leaves behind a son 18 and a daughter 6 . We are all having such a hard time dealing with this. My brother was 11 years older than me and I always looked up to him when I was little he was my hero. I feel so guilty that later in life we argued. I know alcoholism is a disease but Jim told us he did not want help he was sober for 8 years and he said they were the worst 8 years of his life. I am angry because he did this at my parents house and my Mom was the one to find him. I love him and miss him so much. It feels like it is all a bad dream and I can't wake eup. I dream about him and it is so real. He left no note. I just want to know why??

[moon]

My older brother Jim ended his life 9/23/2011 by hanging himself in a tree in my parents back yard. My Mom was the one who found him and had to get him down. My brother and I didn't always see eye to eye. He was an alcholic and drank all the time. We had a fight in August 2011 and we barely spoke to each other. He lived with my parents and my children loved him so much. They called him "Big Jim" he played with them all the time. He leaves behind a son 18 and a daughter 6 . We are all having such a hard time dealing with this. My brother was 11 years older than me and I always looked up to him when I was little he was my hero. I feel so guilty that later in life we argued. I know alcoholism is a disease but Jim told us he did not want help he was sober for 8 years and he said they were the worst 8 years of his life. I am angry because he did this at my parents house and my Mom was the one to find him. I love him and miss him so much. It feels like it is all a bad dream and I can't wake eup. I dream about him and it is so real. He left no note. I just want to know why??

Hello, my name is kerry and im am deeply sorry to read what happened to you and your family, my only sibling, Trinity Gail killed herself 15th Nov 2011,at home, with her children and husband home...i know the pain and hurt, i cant wake up either, im a single parent so have to do the basics , but when my child is in school i find im lost and in pain. My sister left no note, i wish she had, i wish she hadnt killed herself, she had 6yrs of mental illness,like you ,i dont know how to cope but i want to say this...im here for you, my email is kerry.gilbey@btinternet.

Anyone can contact me if you know this pain,

[lao15]

I lost my big brother in late September. We are unsure of his death, but we know that his addiction played a part. My brother and I struggled with our relationship for most of my adulthood. I could never understand why he did what he did. Going through Justin's belongs I have realized that he struggled with addiction everyday, and at times when we even thought he was sober. My grandmother told me, "Remember Justin had more good days than bad"

I am sorry for your death, and I know it is very difficult. I feel guilty as well for not doing anything. I ask why everyday too.