Jump to content

why doesnt anyone understand?


taurusgirl93

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I truly believe that no understands your pain until they go through it. I was having a conversation with a friend and he was being so hurtful. Ok my father was cremated because we couldnt afford to do a body burial. His ashes are getting buried in a cremation grave. The cemetary will not let us have a headstone. Here is the conversation:

me: the cemetary wont let me get my dad a headstone

him: Why??

me: cuz he was cremated

him: Oh well I guess that makes since

me: nooo

him: Well if there's no body to burry than y do u need a headstone

me: because hes my father and his remains are still there? bodies u bury eventually deterioate.

him: Ya but not in to dust I get why u r upset I'm just saying doesnt make much since to be upset that u didnt get a head stone those are usually intended for people who have past and wish to be buried

me: he is goin to be buried

him: Wait ur going to burry ashes?

me: yeah.... they are in a buriable box

him: Hmmm... Ok well lol sorry idk what else to say

me: whys tht funny? i want a place where i can go see him. If u keep the ashes then u can lose them, drop them, anything

him: It's just idk u cremated him to just put him in the ground

me: i cremated him because i had no choice. I didnt have the money to bury a body, it cost about $12,000 when cremation is $200. Big difference. Im sorry I failed my father but its the best i could do

I probably should have stopped the conversation long before it started upsetting me. Can you even call that a true friend?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am sorry, Brooke. Some people are just clueless. It is very hurtful. Who knows why people say what they say. You did the best you could which quite frankly I think was pretty darn good! Does the cemetery allow any kind of marker? It doesn't seem right if they don't. I am so sorry. I think you are right, a lot of people just don't understand. Please don't let the ridiculous comments get you down. Take care. Terra

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I truly believe that no understands your pain until they go through it. I was having a conversation with a friend and he was being so hurtful. Ok my father was cremated because we couldnt afford to do a body burial. His ashes are getting buried in a cremation grave. The cemetary will not let us have a headstone. Here is the conversation:

me: the cemetary wont let me get my dad a headstone

him: Why??

me: cuz he was cremated

him: Oh well I guess that makes since

me: nooo

him: Well if there's no body to burry than y do u need a headstone

me: because hes my father and his remains are still there? bodies u bury eventually deterioate.

him: Ya but not in to dust I get why u r upset I'm just saying doesnt make much since to be upset that u didnt get a head stone those are usually intended for people who have past and wish to be buried

me: he is goin to be buried

him: Wait ur going to burry ashes?

me: yeah.... they are in a buriable box

him: Hmmm... Ok well lol sorry idk what else to say

me: whys tht funny? i want a place where i can go see him. If u keep the ashes then u can lose them, drop them, anything

him: It's just idk u cremated him to just put him in the ground

me: i cremated him because i had no choice. I didnt have the money to bury a body, it cost about $12,000 when cremation is $200. Big difference. Im sorry I failed my father but its the best i could do

I probably should have stopped the conversation long before it started upsetting me. Can you even call that a true friend?

My grandfather was cremated and he was allowed a headstone to mark his final resting place. It's really terrible that they won't allow you to get one for your Dad. Have you considered not burying him and keeping his remains in an urn in your home? You can get the container sealed up so that they can't spill if dropped or moved. It seems very wrong to me that they won't allow that...

People aren't going to understand unless they've been through this with someone very dear to them. I had a friend tell me (after my Dad passed away) that she knew how I felt, because her Dad died when she was two years old... she barely remembers him, so how does that compare with losing a parent who was there every day for 30+ years? Still tragic, but not the same, by any means.

I'm really sorry your friend was so insensitive. My Dad's ashes are at my mom's house, with a small amount I kept in a locket (called an urn pendant) as well as a small amount I had placed in a teddy bear with his voice recorded in it. At Build-A-Bear they will allow you to put a small token (a lock of hair, a small amount of ashes, etc.) inside a stuffed animal, and you can record a voice as well so that when you squeeze the paw (or wherever you place the little recording device) it will play back his voice. I had my Dad's voice on my voice mail still, so I took that in and recorded it. They were really wonderful about it and said they do this for people when their loved ones have passed on all the time. If you want more info you can message me... <3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I truly believe that no understands your pain until they go through it. I was having a conversation with a friend and he was being so hurtful. Ok my father was cremated because we couldnt afford to do a body burial. His ashes are getting buried in a cremation grave. The cemetary will not let us have a headstone. Here is the conversation:

me: the cemetary wont let me get my dad a headstone

him: Why??

me: cuz he was cremated

him: Oh well I guess that makes since

me: nooo

him: Well if there's no body to burry than y do u need a headstone

me: because hes my father and his remains are still there? bodies u bury eventually deterioate.

him: Ya but not in to dust I get why u r upset I'm just saying doesnt make much since to be upset that u didnt get a head stone those are usually intended for people who have past and wish to be buried

me: he is goin to be buried

him: Wait ur going to burry ashes?

me: yeah.... they are in a buriable box

him: Hmmm... Ok well lol sorry idk what else to say

me: whys tht funny? i want a place where i can go see him. If u keep the ashes then u can lose them, drop them, anything

him: It's just idk u cremated him to just put him in the ground

me: i cremated him because i had no choice. I didnt have the money to bury a body, it cost about $12,000 when cremation is $200. Big difference. Im sorry I failed my father but its the best i could do

I probably should have stopped the conversation long before it started upsetting me. Can you even call that a true friend?

Brooke,

I am sorry about the loss of your father and the misunderstanding between you and your friend. Obviously, she didn't comprehend how important this issue is for you. She didn't seem malicious or anything, just genuinely confused. You didn't fail your father; many people are forced to make this choice. And I mean many. So, have you already buried your father's ashes? Can you look for another cemetery that may allow you to put up a stone? I am sure this is traumatizing on top of the pain you are already experiencing. Hugs to you.

ModKonnig

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I got it arranged to get a flat military name plate. Its not exactly what I wanted but Im glad they will let me at least put something. We chose that cemetary because it had sentimental value to my father. He was adopted and never found his family. So he was in a foster family with 13 kids. All of the ones that have passed including his foster father are buried there. I guess the compromise wasn't so bad after all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I couldn't afford to get a already made necklace to put some of my fathers ashes in so I made my own (:post-297454-0-15752800-1319218351_thumb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Wow, Brooke...the necklace is beautiful. I can't believe you made it. Maybe there is a jewelry business in your future. What a great idea. ~terra

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm sorry for your loss too. I totally understand how you feel but you did not fail your father at all. You did what you had to do and I'm sure he knows that. What's important is that you love him and respect your dad. You did good. Dont let your friend make you think otherwise.

We had to cremate my dad too for the same reason as you. We just couldn't afford the high cost but my dad is now buried in a military cemetary in Phoenix. Very respectful and he would be proud.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.