It's only been a month and I can't imagine missing my mom for the rest of my life.

[peachglitter]

Hey everyone. As the title says, my mom died suddenly in January of this year. My mom had neglected her health after my brother became ill with cancer. She was battling depression that turned into heart disease among a myriad of other health problems. She died of cardiac arrest. I tried to administer CPR until the paramedics arrived and resuscitated her only for her to die twice over. I do not want to focus too much on the details as I am feeling immense guilt about the entire situation.

I never thought I'd be 20 years old without my mother. I never thought I'd have to choose to take her off life support. I never thought I wouldn't be able to tell her about how my day went. I never thought I'd never hear her laugh or her voice again. It never has crossed my mind just how lucky I had been to have had her in my life. Now that she is gone, I realize I haven't had the proper time to grieve. I am still in shock. Yet, I still have to do my daily responsibilities, as I have an ill brother who I must take care of. I have to go to work, pay bills, and suddenly become the dependable person in my household. There is so much to say, I have so much regret and guilt. I am sorry this isn't making much sense. I just miss her so much, it is becoming unbearable. I still find myself waiting for her to pop up and say, "here I am!" I know everyone says it gets easier, but I don't want it to get easier. I don't want her to be just a memory to me. I want her to be around for all the things life gives us so freely. I want her to be here to laugh, smile, and joke around with like she used to before my brother's diagnosis. I can't imagine living everyday and missing her. I just can't imagine myself dealing with this loneliness. I just miss my mom.

[reader]

Dear peachglitter,

I am so sorry for your loss.  All your thoughts and feelings are understandable. There's so much on your young shoulders and you're doing the best you can. I hope trusted friends and family will come forward to help and support you and your brother during this very sad time.

Please know we are here with you. x

[janetan]

Hi peachglitter,

I am sorry for your loss. When you start to feel the sadness, you cry to release the grief. Take baby steps for each day.

Feeling guilty at this stage is normal. We all wanted our loved ones to be healthy and live on. However, death is not what we can predict and control. Your mother will definitely want you to be happy and live your life. 

True, we can never hear our mother speaking to us anymore. I still talk to her photo and sometimes, I think  of how she will react or say when I am doing some work or cooking. By doing so, I want to feel her and have her around. Not sure if this is unhealthy for me, but at least I feel better.

[peachglitter]

On 2/9/2022 at 4:31 AM, reader said:

Dear peachglitter,

I am so sorry for your loss.  All your thoughts and feelings are understandable. There's so much on your young shoulders and you're doing the best you can. I hope trusted friends and family will come forward to help and support you and your brother during this very sad time.

Please know we are here with you. x

Hello reader, thank you for understanding. I wrote my post while I was crying and emotionally spiraling. I don't have much support from my family as they keep telling me to "get over it." Even my mother's sister told my family that my constant crying was bothering her. She told me to "go on antidepressants already," as if that was going to dry my tears instantly. Then, my uncle, my mother's brother, asked if he could have some of her things - like her car, to which I refused. A lot of people in my family have tried to exploit my vulnerability and, sometimes, it has worked. The world seems a lot more cruel without my mother here to protect me, as silly as that sounds. Since that conversation with my aunt, I have steered away from my family as they do not care, not really anyway.

My friends tell me everything will be okay and say things like, "it was just her time." But they all have their parents. This experience has truly showed me who cares for me and who doesn't. This is why I was so touched by your compassion. I haven't had much support as no one really knows what to do around me because I am so emotional. I am make them uncomfortable with this sadness. I am very grateful for this forum and people like you, thank you.

[peachglitter]

7 hours ago, janetan said:

Hi peachglitter,

I am sorry for your loss. When you start to feel the sadness, you cry to release the grief. Take baby steps for each day.

Feeling guilty at this stage is normal. We all wanted our loved ones to be healthy and live on. However, death is not what we can predict and control. Your mother will definitely want you to be happy and live your life. 

True, we can never hear our mother speaking to us anymore. I still talk to her photo and sometimes, I think  of how she will react or say when I am doing some work or cooking. By doing so, I want to feel her and have her around. Not sure if this is unhealthy for me, but at least I feel better.

Hi janetan, thank you for your empathy. Your post made me emotional as you are right, I do think my mom would want me to be happy and to live my life. It just feels impossible to think of how lonely my life will be now. Recently, I started writing in a diary as if I were speaking to my mother. I've been asking, well, begging for a sign from her. It feels like an uphill battle and the only reason I continue to go on is for my brother. I pray he overcomes this horrible cancer because, without him, I will truly be alone.

[EmmaO21]

Hi peachglitter

I am sorry for your loss, and I know exactly how you feel. My father passed away almost 2 months (+ 9 days) from an aggressive and rare cancer. His death wasn't sudden but the pain is just as unbearable. I, like you, find it hard to believe that I have to spend the rest of my life without him. I am 32 and newly married - he will never meet my children, he will never pick up the phone or walk in through the door. Thoughts like this tear me up every single time... and it is hard for our friends (even family members) to know how we feel. Only people who have lost a parent will truly understand.

What I can tell you is that the pain will never go away, but you will learn to live with it a little more with each passing day. I still have very random moments where I burst into tears - but these tears are so cathartic. I also talk to him out loud as if he is with me, and my husband and I often talk about him. This helps tremendously. And this forum helps a lot, too. Please feel free to message me on private and we can share our pain - misery loves company, after all.

For now the best advice I can offer you is to take it moment by moment. Move through the pain, not around it. Your mom lives on through you - I know my dad does.

 

[reader]

Dear peachglitter,

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for all the hurtful things people say and do when you're already going through such a painful time. None of us need more grief from our friends and family members. That was wrong of your uncle to try and ask for your mom's things. He should know better and that everything belongs to you and your brother. And you're so right about your friends and people don't understand because they still have their parents. I know they mean well but I too found so many things said to me after my dad passed highly insensitive and only made me angry.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers to you and your brother. x 

[peachglitter]

On 2/10/2022 at 9:26 AM, EmmaO21 said:

Hi peachglitter

I am sorry for your loss, and I know exactly how you feel. My father passed away almost 2 months (+ 9 days) from an aggressive and rare cancer. His death wasn't sudden but the pain is just as unbearable. I, like you, find it hard to believe that I have to spend the rest of my life without him. I am 32 and newly married - he will never meet my children, he will never pick up the phone or walk in through the door. Thoughts like this tear me up every single time... and it is hard for our friends (even family members) to know how we feel. Only people who have lost a parent will truly understand.

What I can tell you is that the pain will never go away, but you will learn to live with it a little more with each passing day. I still have very random moments where I burst into tears - but these tears are so cathartic. I also talk to him out loud as if he is with me, and my husband and I often talk about him. This helps tremendously. And this forum helps a lot, too. Please feel free to message me on private and we can share our pain - misery loves company, after all.

For now the best advice I can offer you is to take it moment by moment. Move through the pain, not around it. Your mom lives on through you - I know my dad does.

 

Hey EmmaO21,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. You are right in everything you said, especially about how only people who have lost a parent will truly understand. It is a pain that is indescribably lonely for me right now. I think of my mom every day, every hour, and every second. Sometimes I think it is enough to drive me insane. I've been watching YouTube videos about people's afterlife experiences to comfort myself at night after I get off of work. It sounds weird, I know, even as I type this. It doesn't take away any pain, as you said, that will never go away but, it does make me feel like I will see her again someday. The part about how you talk to your dad aloud made me realize I could do that, too. Thank you for that because I think I will start to talk to my mother. I think I should if only to feel less lonely. I will take your advice and try to push forward, if not for myself, but for my mom.

[peachglitter]

On 2/10/2022 at 1:50 PM, reader said:

Dear peachglitter,

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for all the hurtful things people say and do when you're already going through such a painful time. None of us need more grief from our friends and family members. That was wrong of your uncle to try and ask for your mom's things. He should know better and that everything belongs to you and your brother. And you're so right about your friends and people don't understand because they still have their parents. I know they mean well but I too found so many things said to me after my dad passed highly insensitive and only made me angry.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers to you and your brother. x 

Thank you so much, reader. I've been grateful for how kind people are here on this forum. I'm especially gratuitous because my own family doesn't seem to care in the slightest that I've lost the most influential, most important person in my life. Yesterday, I realized I am harboring a lot of anger over other people's reactions to my mother's passing. Today, I realize I can't hold that anger because it will only become a burden to me. Everyday I shift into a different emotion.

Thank you so much. I appreciate every word you have written.

[peachglitter]

I am not sure if I should respond to my own topic, but I've been tormented lately by my mother's death. I should be thinking of her life and how amazing it was but I can't. I worry about if I made the right choice taking her off life support so soon after her cardiac arrest. At night, I don't sleep because I wonder if I, or the doctors, gave up too soon. She was fighting to stay alive. Her heart kept stopping and the CPR was forceful. The doctor, who had such empathetic eyes, told me she will continue having heart attacks every few seconds. He told me if it was his mother, he would let her go as it was very stressful on her body. I was hysterical. I didn't want them to stop but when I saw blood smeared on the side of my mother's hospital bed, I froze. They were performing CPR so forcefully that there was blood. I looked at my mother, once a beautiful pageant queen, laying there. She was probably in pain and I didn't want her to suffer. I ... don't know why I'm sharing this part of the story. I just relive it over and over.

I relive her funeral and not knowing how to dress her. My aunt chose a frumpy, distasteful dress and they didn't even put shoes on her. They didn't give her shoes. I chose closed casket so everyone said it would not make a difference but it does to me! My mother was very into fashion. It feels wrong to not have dressed her like the star she was. I am left with closets full of her clothes now. I look at them and I break down, knowing I didn't give my mom the farewell look she deserved.  I feel like an idiot, but I'm stuck on the details I wish I could change. There are a lot more regrets I have about her funeral. I feel like a child. I feel sorry to have let my mom down.

[EmmaO21]

57 minutes ago, peachglitter said:

I am not sure if I should respond to my own topic, but I've been tormented lately by my mother's death. I should be thinking of her life and how amazing it was but I can't. I worry about if I made the right choice taking her off life support so soon after her cardiac arrest. At night, I don't sleep because I wonder if I, or the doctors, gave up too soon. She was fighting to stay alive. Her heart kept stopping and the CPR was forceful. The doctor, who had such empathetic eyes, told me she will continue having heart attacks every few seconds. He told me if it was his mother, he would let her go as it was very stressful on her body. I was hysterical. I didn't want them to stop but when I saw blood smeared on the side of my mother's hospital bed, I froze. They were performing CPR so forcefully that there was blood. I looked at my mother, once a beautiful pageant queen, laying there. She was probably in pain and I didn't want her to suffer. I ... don't know why I'm sharing this part of the story. I just relive it over and over.

I relive her funeral and not knowing how to dress her. My aunt chose a frumpy, distasteful dress and they didn't even put shoes on her. They didn't give her shoes. I chose closed casket so everyone said it would not make a difference but it does to me! My mother was very into fashion. It feels wrong to not have dressed her like the star she was. I am left with closets full of her clothes now. I look at them and I break down, knowing I didn't give my mom the farewell look she deserved.  I feel like an idiot, but I'm stuck on the details I wish I could change. There are a lot more regrets I have about her funeral. I feel like a child. I feel sorry to have let my mom down.

Hi PeachGlitter

My father's death was very tragic too - a very aggressive cancer that attached him to 7 different tubes + tracheostomy for 3 weeks + a long list of health issues he had popping up every day. It was tough and he was suffering. He went from being such a light hearted, funny and handsome man to a pile of skin and bones. All he would do was stare at the ceiling. Once when I was alone in the hospital room with him, he pointed to the ceiling and said "I want to go". I knew right then and there just how deeply he was suffering, in his mind, his body and his spirit. Everything was crushed. And that crushed me too. I remember praying so hard that night for God to just end my father's suffering, even if it meant taking him away from us here in the land of the living. I re-live his last two months in the hospital over and over again, too. I think that's normal, especially that it is so fresh. But at the same time I am so relieved FOR him. If i were him, i would want to go too. So I sort of know how you feel. Letting go is hard for us, but easier for them - those that are tied to hospital beds, sick and dying slowly. Sometimes we need to share these stories because it is a form of taking off some of the weight.

We were left with closets full of clothes too, but we gave them all away to families in need. Perhaps you can do the same in her honor when the time feels right for you? We did at as a way to help others (my father was very charitable) and a way to pass on his legacy. And save some of the pieces you cherish the most. I cleared out his closets a week after the funeral because I couldn't bear staring at them anymore... I knew it was painful for my mom too, so I bit the bullet and gave 90% of his stuff away. The families who received them were so happy, and I knew my dad was smiling down at us that day.

I know it is easier said than done as well, but please don't have any regrets. This will just cause you more suffering.... funerals are hard and it is so so difficult to make the right choices when faced with arranging a funeral of a loved and close one - especially a parent! There is so much pressure and pain, and everything is so cloudy with our deep loss. I think no matter what you would have done, you would have ended up with a few regrets either way. I know it's what happened with me, too.

You are tormented but the shape of this torment will change too. It did for me... it took a few weeks, and the new torment is new but still ugly... but it will change. 

Sending you my thoughts.

[Elio]

Hi I just got to this website and I couldn't imagine how much I would resonate with everything said. I am 21 years old and I lost my mom 11 months ago. She had been suffering for a long time and I just felt helpless as there was nothing I could do about it. I would call her and text her about every tiny detail about my day to day life. How I saw kids playing in the mud in the park to how good or bad my exams went. She was the strongest, smartest and most empathetic woman I have ever known. 

I have realised that most people dont know how to help me whenever I talk about grief. They get scared of the things im saying and just leave me to isolation. Its not my friends or families fault, they just dont know how to react. So I have not really been able to talk about what happened the night of my moms death. We still have her clothes hung up in her closet. We couldn't just let go of her belongings no matter how difficult it was to look at them. Most importantly, it was the fact that her clothes still had her scent. That scent was the most solid thing left from her. 

As peach glitter has said, I cant imagine feeling this sad all my life. Feeling that my future kids won't be able to meet their grandmother, that my mom won't see me graduating university or won't be in my wedding day. I honestly sometimes dont feel like I want to live in a world full of pain. Even though the pain comes in waves, I am still most of the time sad and have no energy. 

I hate how desperate I have become to contact my mom. After her death, I would desperately ask for her to send me a sign. To leave me a message on my phone, to come into my dreams... anything. The harder I tried to contact her, the further away I felt she got. And life just seems to be going on. Classes go on, friends go on living their lives, everything just keeps on moving

[stargirl1976]

I lost my dad 6 weeks ago and am vacilating between numb and extreme crying fits. I am at a loss as to how to cope. I so understand the asking a parent to send you a sign. I asked my dad to show me through pennies as he was an accountant.I just go one moment at a time and try to make myself laugh at what a funny man he was. I hope you feel better soon. I do not know the words to say to console you as this is so fresh for me. But I can empathize with your pain and understand you.

 

[Elio]

4 minutes ago, stargirl1976 said:

I lost my dad 6 weeks ago and am vacilating between numb and extreme crying fits. I am at a loss as to how to cope. I so understand the asking a parent to send you a sign. I asked my dad to show me through pennies as he was an accountant.I just go one moment at a time and try to make myself laugh at what a funny man he was. I hope you feel better soon. I do not know the words to say to console you as this is so fresh for me. But I can empathize with your pain and understand you.

 

 I think the most difficult part to comprehend is the concept of death overall. I was never taught about death. I have so many questions with regards to where she is, is she okay, does she even remember her old life, is she a spirit etc. A friend of mine who does hypnotherapy tried to help me as apparently by opening your subconsciousness, you are able to contact your loved ones. It didnt work out for me as I am no spiritual person. It seems silly at times but I have become so desperate. 

I am so sorry for your loss aswell. I think there is little we can say to console each other, other than simply sharing our experiences and maybe hearing things that resonate 

[stargirl1976]

I think sometimes as humans we just have to feel lost together and know as a species we are survivors. The pain will never go away but we must learn how to cope. 

[stargirl1976]

How to cope yet I am not sure. I am still numb and not a religious person so have no spiritual faith to lean on at this time and my friends are so avoidant to be supportive. Friends have a hard time knowing what to say or do...but where are we taught about death in society? In schools? It is almost taboo in western culture to discuss death and how to deal with it. Now my dad has passed, I see how in all my 45 years of life...all the education I have completed, in psychology too, no where did they prepare me for death of a parent.

[Elio]

2 minutes ago, stargirl1976 said:

How to cope yet I am not sure. I am still numb and not a religious person so have no spiritual faith to lean on at this time and my friends are so avoidant to be supportive. Friends have a hard time knowing what to say or do...but where are we taught about death in society? In schools? It is almost taboo in western culture to discuss death and how to deal with it. Now my dad has passed, I see how in all my 45 years of life...all the education I have completed, in psychology too, no where did they prepare me for death of a parent.

exactly friends seem to keep distant. People say that no matter our age, losing a parent never gets any easier. The comfort, the care, the love we get from a parent is incomparable. I wish we could understand all of this in order to simply carry on. Life goes on and doesn't wait for anyone to catch up, its cruel that way I guess

[peachglitter]

On 2/13/2022 at 1:02 AM, EmmaO21 said:

Hi PeachGlitter

My father's death was very tragic too - a very aggressive cancer that attached him to 7 different tubes + tracheostomy for 3 weeks + a long list of health issues he had popping up every day. It was tough and he was suffering. He went from being such a light hearted, funny and handsome man to a pile of skin and bones. All he would do was stare at the ceiling. Once when I was alone in the hospital room with him, he pointed to the ceiling and said "I want to go". I knew right then and there just how deeply he was suffering, in his mind, his body and his spirit. Everything was crushed. And that crushed me too. I remember praying so hard that night for God to just end my father's suffering, even if it meant taking him away from us here in the land of the living. I re-live his last two months in the hospital over and over again, too. I think that's normal, especially that it is so fresh. But at the same time I am so relieved FOR him. If i were him, i would want to go too. So I sort of know how you feel. Letting go is hard for us, but easier for them - those that are tied to hospital beds, sick and dying slowly. Sometimes we need to share these stories because it is a form of taking off some of the weight.

We were left with closets full of clothes too, but we gave them all away to families in need. Perhaps you can do the same in her honor when the time feels right for you? We did at as a way to help others (my father was very charitable) and a way to pass on his legacy. And save some of the pieces you cherish the most. I cleared out his closets a week after the funeral because I couldn't bear staring at them anymore... I knew it was painful for my mom too, so I bit the bullet and gave 90% of his stuff away. The families who received them were so happy, and I knew my dad was smiling down at us that day.

I know it is easier said than done as well, but please don't have any regrets. This will just cause you more suffering.... funerals are hard and it is so so difficult to make the right choices when faced with arranging a funeral of a loved and close one - especially a parent! There is so much pressure and pain, and everything is so cloudy with our deep loss. I think no matter what you would have done, you would have ended up with a few regrets either way. I know it's what happened with me, too.

You are tormented but the shape of this torment will change too. It did for me... it took a few weeks, and the new torment is new but still ugly... but it will change. 

Sending you my thoughts.

I've been reeling at how to respond to your post, EmmaO21. I've read it multiple times, especially the line about letting go is hard for us but easier for them. I really hope and pray that there is more out of there. I hope our parents are healed and no longer in pain. I believe that in my heart and it is the only thing getting me through everyday.

I've left my mom's room untouched. When she was in the hospital, I had cleaned it in hopes she would come home and rest comfortably there. I keep the door closed and it still has her scent. She had so many perfumes that, when I open the door, I get a strong scent of her. I've been wanting to move because I can't live where we made memories together and where, she died twice, according to the paramedics.

Thank you for your kind advice as it has comforted me. I've been drowning in my own feelings, my own thoughts for so long, it is nice to hear someone who understands. When I am stuck or when I start to feel regret, I will remember your words.
 

[peachglitter]

On 2/13/2022 at 5:08 PM, Elio said:

Hi I just got to this website and I couldn't imagine how much I would resonate with everything said. I am 21 years old and I lost my mom 11 months ago. She had been suffering for a long time and I just felt helpless as there was nothing I could do about it. I would call her and text her about every tiny detail about my day to day life. How I saw kids playing in the mud in the park to how good or bad my exams went. She was the strongest, smartest and most empathetic woman I have ever known. 

I have realised that most people dont know how to help me whenever I talk about grief. They get scared of the things im saying and just leave me to isolation. Its not my friends or families fault, they just dont know how to react. So I have not really been able to talk about what happened the night of my moms death. We still have her clothes hung up in her closet. We couldn't just let go of her belongings no matter how difficult it was to look at them. Most importantly, it was the fact that her clothes still had her scent. That scent was the most solid thing left from her. 

As peach glitter has said, I cant imagine feeling this sad all my life. Feeling that my future kids won't be able to meet their grandmother, that my mom won't see me graduating university or won't be in my wedding day. I honestly sometimes dont feel like I want to live in a world full of pain. Even though the pain comes in waves, I am still most of the time sad and have no energy. 

I hate how desperate I have become to contact my mom. After her death, I would desperately ask for her to send me a sign. To leave me a message on my phone, to come into my dreams... anything. The harder I tried to contact her, the further away I felt she got. And life just seems to be going on. Classes go on, friends go on living their lives, everything just keeps on moving

Hey Elio,

your post struck deeply in my heart as I related so heavily. I feel like most people don't know how to talk to me about this, either. I feel like they get tired of my constant being sad or being distant. They get restless over my crying, especially my dad, who I have cut off due to his impatience over my grieving. This is why I feel so lonely and why I am so glad this forum exists.

Everything you said about the future is exactly what I feel, too. I've also asked my mom to send me a sign, if only to tell me she is okay. I get what I would think are signs, then I doubt if they really are or not. For example, my mom was an avid bird watcher - and loved owls in particular, and one morning I had got home from work (night shift) to hear two owls loudly hooting during sunrise after I got out of the car. Then, I walked into the house, skeptical as I had never heard such loud, clear hooting in my life. When I got into the house, the hooting got louder and more frequent. It was like they were in the room with me, that is how loud it was. Then, later on, I had a dream where I could not see her, but I felt like she was there. I felt her presence while I was driving in the countryside, in my dream, when I suddenly drove past a cemetery when I heard her voice. It was like she was in the passenger seat but I never turned to look at her. Yet, I heard her say, "you have to keep driving past this cemetery, you have to keep driving." I wonder if that was a sign, her telling me I have to keep going especially since I have been so fixated on being with her. (in the cemetery, constantly panicking that I am not visiting her grave enough, not wanting to leave her alone etc) I wonder if it is my desperation seeing these things or if they are really signs. I really want to believe that she is communicating with me.

It is so hard and like you said, everything just keeps moving on. That has been one of the hardest things I've been faced with during my mom's death.

[peachglitter]

On 2/13/2022 at 5:14 PM, stargirl1976 said:

I lost my dad 6 weeks ago and am vacilating between numb and extreme crying fits. I am at a loss as to how to cope. I so understand the asking a parent to send you a sign. I asked my dad to show me through pennies as he was an accountant.I just go one moment at a time and try to make myself laugh at what a funny man he was. I hope you feel better soon. I do not know the words to say to console you as this is so fresh for me. But I can empathize with your pain and understand you.

 

Hi stargirl1976,

I am sorry to hear about your father. I understand your difficulty in finding how to cope. I am going through the same thing. Sometimes, I'm faking like I am okay but that only lasts for a few hours before I break down and remember just how empty my life is now. When you said your father was a funny man, it reminded me of how I think of my mom. I try to remember funny moments, too. I find myself doing that a lot these days as it is the only way I can stop my crying. I am grateful that this forum allows us to reach out to each others' similar feelings. I am thinking of you and I hope you find comfort in the times your father made you laugh.

[stargirl1976]

On 2/18/2022 at 7:35 AM, peachglitter said:

Hi stargirl1976,

I am sorry to hear about your father. I understand your difficulty in finding how to cope. I am going through the same thing. Sometimes, I'm faking like I am okay but that only lasts for a few hours before I break down and remember just how empty my life is now. When you said your father was a funny man, it reminded me of how I think of my mom. I try to remember funny moments, too. I find myself doing that a lot these days as it is the only way I can stop my crying. I am grateful that this forum allows us to reach out to each others' similar feelings. I am thinking of you and I hope you find comfort in the times your father made you laugh.

I do find focusing on happy aspects of my dad helps and sharing funny things he use to say or do help me grieve in a more positive way rather than focusing on the loss which takes me on a downward spiral.

[JennaBenna]

On 2/8/2022 at 3:45 PM, peachglitter said:

Hey everyone. As the title says, my mom died suddenly in January of this year. My mom had neglected her health after my brother became ill with cancer. She was battling depression that turned into heart disease among a myriad of other health problems. She died of cardiac arrest. I tried to administer CPR until the paramedics arrived and resuscitated her only for her to die twice over. I do not want to focus too much on the details as I am feeling immense guilt about the entire situation.

I never thought I'd be 20 years old without my mother. I never thought I'd have to choose to take her off life support. I never thought I wouldn't be able to tell her about how my day went. I never thought I'd never hear her laugh or her voice again. It never has crossed my mind just how lucky I had been to have had her in my life. Now that she is gone, I realize I haven't had the proper time to grieve. I am still in shock. Yet, I still have to do my daily responsibilities, as I have an ill brother who I must take care of. I have to go to work, pay bills, and suddenly become the dependable person in my household. There is so much to say, I have so much regret and guilt. I am sorry this isn't making much sense. I just miss her so much, it is becoming unbearable. I still find myself waiting for her to pop up and say, "here I am!" I know everyone says it gets easier, but I don't want it to get easier. I don't want her to be just a memory to me. I want her to be around for all the things life gives us so freely. I want her to be here to laugh, smile, and joke around with like she used to before my brother's diagnosis. I can't imagine living everyday and missing her. I just can't imagine myself dealing with this loneliness. I just miss my mom.

I’m so sorry for your loss girl. I lost my momma 16 years ago when I was 13 years old. You learn adjust to life without them. It took me close to 10 years to fully grieve, and I can honestly say it has gotten easier. I think about her every single day, and will until I take my last breathe. I’m at piece with her being gone. Hugs to you and I hope with time your able to be in the same place. 

[ADM925]

On 2/12/2022 at 3:25 PM, peachglitter said:

It is a pain that is indescribably lonely for me right now. I think of my mom every day, every hour, and every second. Sometimes I think it is enough to drive me insane.

It is the same for me for over 7 months now.  I am an older male and Mom was my sole companion and entire world.  We became even closer after losing my father shockingly in 2000.  I pace in the empty house and still can't believe she's gone, can't sleep because of flashbacks.  I also have extreme guilt because I didn't call the EMTs when Mom had some confusion one day, because even though it seemed to go away that was probably the first sign of the clot that caused her cardiac arrest a week later, beginning 8 1/2 months of hell for both of us.  The idea that I could have prevented that but allowed it to happen instead is too much to bear.

On 2/18/2022 at 7:15 AM, peachglitter said:

I feel like most people don't know how to talk to me about this, either. I feel like they get tired of my constant being sad or being distant.

When people ask I tell the truth, it gets worse every day.  One friend who's known us for years looked shocked and asked "Why?".  IDK, maybe it's because Mom and I were inseparable for my whole life.  Why can't our family and friends understand this?    

On 2/12/2022 at 3:25 PM, peachglitter said:

I've been watching YouTube videos about people's afterlife experiences to comfort myself at night after I get off of work. It sounds weird, I know, even as I type this. It doesn't take away any pain, as you said, that will never go away but, it does make me feel like I will see her again someday.

That sounds like a good idea if you can do it.  Mom and I worked for the same church for 25 years and attended for 33.  We loved to go to Sunday Brunch each week.  The music director I was assistant to became like family to us over 21 years.  She passed away from Covid (or a bad reaction to the vaccine) on 1/6/22.  Now I've taken over her job and it is very difficult to go there without Mom.  Playing music used to bring joy and peace, Mom loved to listen to us and was very proud.  Now I see her empty place and can barely get through it.  Each day or even hour is worse and has more panic than the last one.  I've gone on long enough.  I will keep you and your brother in my thoughts and prayers. 

   

[peachglitter]

On 2/21/2022 at 12:33 AM, JennaBenna said:

I’m so sorry for your loss girl. I lost my momma 16 years ago when I was 13 years old. You learn adjust to life without them. It took me close to 10 years to fully grieve, and I can honestly say it has gotten easier. I think about her every single day, and will until I take my last breathe. I’m at piece with her being gone. Hugs to you and I hope with time your able to be in the same place. 

I think I will be grieving this loss for the rest of my life. Since my mom died, I have felt like half a person. I don't smile or laugh and my days just seem so empty. As you have said, I think of my mom every day. Lately, the only way I function is watching Matt Fraser videos on YouTube. It gives me hope that one day I can be at peace with my mother's passing. I don't see that day coming any time soon, but maybe one day.

Thank you for your kindness and sharing your experience with me.

[Norain]

Hello, my mother passed away December 22 very similar to your mother. I had to do CPR on her until the paramedics arrived. I am still in shock I can’t believe that my mother is no longer here with me. I miss her so much everyday and I feel like a big part of me died. I’m so sorry that you have to go to this and I pray that we would  both begin to feel some relief

[Norain]

I’m so sad all the time and it feels like I will never be okay again so I definitely understand 

[peachglitter]

On 2/21/2022 at 4:32 AM, ADM925 said:

It is the same for me for over 7 months now.  I am an older male and Mom was my sole companion and entire world.  We became even closer after losing my father shockingly in 2000.  I pace in the empty house and still can't believe she's gone, can't sleep because of flashbacks.  I also have extreme guilt because I didn't call the EMTs when Mom had some confusion one day, because even though it seemed to go away that was probably the first sign of the clot that caused her cardiac arrest a week later, beginning 8 1/2 months of hell for both of us.  The idea that I could have prevented that but allowed it to happen instead is too much to bear.

When people ask I tell the truth, it gets worse every day.  One friend who's known us for years looked shocked and asked "Why?".  IDK, maybe it's because Mom and I were inseparable for my whole life.  Why can't our family and friends understand this?    

That sounds like a good idea if you can do it.  Mom and I worked for the same church for 25 years and attended for 33.  We loved to go to Sunday Brunch each week.  The music director I was assistant to became like family to us over 21 years.  She passed away from Covid (or a bad reaction to the vaccine) on 1/6/22.  Now I've taken over her job and it is very difficult to go there without Mom.  Playing music used to bring joy and peace, Mom loved to listen to us and was very proud.  Now I see her empty place and can barely get through it.  Each day or even hour is worse and has more panic than the last one.  I've gone on long enough.  I will keep you and your brother in my thoughts and prayers. 

   

Hello ADM925, thank you for sharing your experience. A lot of what you said was very relatable. I, too, think it gets worse every day. Everyone says it gets easier, but in actuality, for me, it gets harder. It hits me at random times and I can feel my body tense up. I could be in bed, I could be at work, I could be in the grocery store, and suddenly it hits me that she is never coming back. I believe we will see each other again, but I can't get over the shock of losing her in the first place. I always ask "how could this have happened?" The worst is flashbacks, as you said. I get flashbacks of my mom's funeral a lot. I sobbed so much they rushed me away from her casket, afraid I would fall out from grief, I'm sure. I wanted to get in there with my mom. I didn't want to let her go.

I liked hearing about how you and your mother attended the same church for so long. That is such a nice memory to share. I tell myself to think of nice memories like that of my mom, but they are just not enough. They are bittersweet, reminding us of what can never be again. I understand the panicking feeling. I think pretty soon I'll have to be prescribed medication just to function like half a human being. 

Thank you for your prayers, I am praying for a miracle with my brother's health because without him, without my mom, I am alone.

[Lost now]

On 2/25/2022 at 5:09 AM, peachglitter said:

my

I am totally lost. It's been 3 weeks now. It was so sudden and I unexpected. She was only 58 and I'm 31. I am scared to live my life (unfortunately if it is long) without her. My days started with her and ended with her. Everyone knew that her world revolved around me. Why did this happen? We were so happy and she had no health issues. One moment she was there and next not there. I don't think I will ever be happy in my life and I don't even want to be. Everyone I know have their moms. I'm too young to lose my mom. She was too young to go. I'm in pain, so deep and unbearable pain. Why do we have to keep going on when someone so close to you leaves. Why do people expect you to get back to your usual routine. I just hope I die in my sleep. I am also watching Matt Fraser videos and have started believing in after life. I know I will reunite with her one day. I just want it now. It's so wrong that she had to go. She deserved to live 

I don't know how I can keep going without her.

Mumma please take me with you 

Everyone here, so sorry for your loss. We all are in the same boat. We understand the pain and we know nothing can fix the problem but talking to you guys helps me a lot. Keep talking and express everything.

[peachglitter]

3 hours ago, Lost now said:

I am totally lost. It's been 3 weeks now. It was so sudden and I unexpected. She was only 58 and I'm 31. I am scared to live my life (unfortunately if it is long) without her. My days started with her and ended with her. Everyone knew that her world revolved around me. Why did this happen? We were so happy and she had no health issues. One moment she was there and next not there. I don't think I will ever be happy in my life and I don't even want to be. Everyone I know have their moms. I'm too young to lose my mom. She was too young to go. I'm in pain, so deep and unbearable pain. Why do we have to keep going on when someone so close to you leaves. Why do people expect you to get back to your usual routine. I just hope I die in my sleep. I am also watching Matt Fraser videos and have started believing in after life. I know I will reunite with her one day. I just want it now. It's so wrong that she had to go. She deserved to live 

I don't know how I can keep going without her.

Mumma please take me with you 

Everyone here, so sorry for your loss. We all are in the same boat. We understand the pain and we know nothing can fix the problem but talking to you guys helps me a lot. Keep talking and express everything.

Hello Lost now, I am so glad you are watching Matt Fraser videos! It really does provide a source of comfort and hope. If it wasn't for him, I think I would be in a worse place than I am now. I have to hold out hope that I will be reunited with my mother. I have to have faith that she is here with me, in spirit, because without that I am not able to be there for my brother.

Your post hits me particularly hard because it relates so well to what I feel. If I could be with my mom, I would be. Just as you said, my day also started and ended with my mom. My mom died far too young, as well. I see and here of older people overcoming much more serious issues and my mom, who had never been in bad health a day in her life, suddenly dies from cardiac arrest. It seems surreal. At first, I was angry but as time goes on, my feelings become more complicated. I am grateful that you reached out and shared your thoughts here. It is a feeling I wish we didn't have to feel nor relate with, but it is better to not be alone in our grief.

[peachglitter]

On 2/25/2022 at 1:45 PM, Norain said:

Hello, my mother passed away December 22 very similar to your mother. I had to do CPR on her until the paramedics arrived. I am still in shock I can’t believe that my mother is no longer here with me. I miss her so much everyday and I feel like a big part of me died. I’m so sorry that you have to go to this and I pray that we would  both begin to feel some relief

Hi Norain. For days, I cried about the fact I had to perform CPR on my mother and I worried that I failed her. But now, I think I am glad she was not alone. If I could do one thing for her, if her death was inevitable, as much as I miss her, I am glad she did not have to leave this Earth alone. I, too, feel as if a huge part of me died. In truth, I know it did, because I do not laugh or smile or even feel the same. I will pray for you, too. I will pray we all be healed and blessed knowing we carry our parents in our hearts. I pray for all of us because this experience is one full of regret but I am grateful we all have each other when no one else understands.

[Lost now]

6 hours ago, peachglitter said:

Hello Lost now, I am so glad you are watching Matt Fraser videos! It really does provide a source of comfort and hope. If it wasn't for him, I think I would be in a worse place than I am now. I have to hold out hope that I will be reunited with my mother. I have to have faith that she is here with me, in spirit, because without that I am not able to be there for my brother.

Your post hits me particularly hard because it relates so well to what I feel. If I could be with my mom, I would be. Just as you said, my day also started and ended with my mom. My mom died far too young, as well. I see and here of older people overcoming much more serious issues and my mom, who had never been in bad health a day in her life, suddenly dies from cardiac arrest. It seems surreal. At first, I was angry but as time goes on, my feelings become more complicated. I am grateful that you reached out and shared your thoughts here. It is a feeling I wish we didn't have to feel nor relate with, but it is better to not be alone in our grief.

So sorry for your loss. Ours stories are the same. I am so so so angry. I talked to her that day and later this happened. She didn't even get a fighting chance. This is wrong. She deserved to live. So did your mom. You are strong to take care of your brother. You need support too and know that I am here whenever you want to talk. You can private message me as well. Talking helps when it is with someone who is going through the same loss.

[peachglitter]

So, an update, I've been struggling a lot. This is the loneliest I've ever felt in my life and I've been lonely before. Someone I thought was my closest friend today said, "everyone dies, get over it" when she saw me quietly sobbing over my mom. We have been friends for over seven years. Her response shocked me. Her lack of empathy, really, is what shocked me. I am not the type of person to cry easily. She knows this. But, since I am not the type of person to cry I can admit my sadness has turned to anger and in that moment, I wanted to reach out and slap her. I wanted to slap her hard across the face and tell her to go home to her mother and cry about it. At least she would have her mother there to console her. I wanted to hurt her, but I didn't. After the anger passed, shock set in as I sat there, looking down crying. How can people be so insensitive? Instead of reacting the way I wanted to, I told her I had to go and afterwards, I blocked her number. No explanations. No words. Nothing. I shouldn't have to tell people how to be decent. I am sure she knows she hurt me because after saying the words, she tried to clarify herself, only for her own reassurance I'm sure. Sometimes, I think if the shoes were on the other foot, I would never say anything like that to someone, not even a stranger let alone a friend. I am done with our "friendship," whether she knows it or not. People always say, "don't hole yourself up alone in your grief," or "get out and be with friends to smile again." I tried to interact with someone instead of keeping myself away like a shut in. Now I feel even lonelier than before.

[Elio]

48 minutes ago, peachglitter said:

So, an update, I've been struggling a lot. This is the loneliest I've ever felt in my life and I've been lonely before. Someone I thought was my closest friend today said, "everyone dies, get over it" when she saw me quietly sobbing over my mom. We have been friends for over seven years. Her response shocked me. Her lack of empathy, really, is what shocked me. I am not the type of person to cry easily. She knows this. But, since I am not the type of person to cry I can admit my sadness has turned to anger and in that moment, I wanted to reach out and slap her. I wanted to slap her hard across the face and tell her to go home to her mother and cry about it. At least she would have her mother there to console her. I wanted to hurt her, but I didn't. After the anger passed, shock set in as I sat there, looking down crying. How can people be so insensitive? Instead of reacting the way I wanted to, I told her I had to go and afterwards, I blocked her number. No explanations. No words. Nothing. I shouldn't have to tell people how to be decent. I am sure she knows she hurt me because after saying the words, she tried to clarify herself, only for her own reassurance I'm sure. Sometimes, I think if the shoes were on the other foot, I would never say anything like that to someone, not even a stranger let alone a friend. I am done with our "friendship," whether she knows it or not. People always say, "don't hole yourself up alone in your grief," or "get out and be with friends to smile again." I tried to interact with someone instead of keeping myself away like a shut in. Now I feel even lonelier than before.

Hey dude. That is a horrible thing to say. There is absolutely no explanation for your friends actions. I wish people thought about what to say before actually saying them. Most people in this goddamn world dont have empathy. Do whatever feels comfortable for you in order to stay mentally okay. So if by blocking her, she doesn't get the memo, just slap her tbh 

[Elio]

On 2/18/2022 at 1:15 PM, peachglitter said:

Hey Elio,

your post struck deeply in my heart as I related so heavily. I feel like most people don't know how to talk to me about this, either. I feel like they get tired of my constant being sad or being distant. They get restless over my crying, especially my dad, who I have cut off due to his impatience over my grieving. This is why I feel so lonely and why I am so glad this forum exists.

Everything you said about the future is exactly what I feel, too. I've also asked my mom to send me a sign, if only to tell me she is okay. I get what I would think are signs, then I doubt if they really are or not. For example, my mom was an avid bird watcher - and loved owls in particular, and one morning I had got home from work (night shift) to hear two owls loudly hooting during sunrise after I got out of the car. Then, I walked into the house, skeptical as I had never heard such loud, clear hooting in my life. When I got into the house, the hooting got louder and more frequent. It was like they were in the room with me, that is how loud it was. Then, later on, I had a dream where I could not see her, but I felt like she was there. I felt her presence while I was driving in the countryside, in my dream, when I suddenly drove past a cemetery when I heard her voice. It was like she was in the passenger seat but I never turned to look at her. Yet, I heard her say, "you have to keep driving past this cemetery, you have to keep driving." I wonder if that was a sign, her telling me I have to keep going especially since I have been so fixated on being with her. (in the cemetery, constantly panicking that I am not visiting her grave enough, not wanting to leave her alone etc) I wonder if it is my desperation seeing these things or if they are really signs. I really want to believe that she is communicating with me.

It is so hard and like you said, everything just keeps moving on. That has been one of the hardest things I've been faced with during my mom's death.

Dreams are sometimes truly crazy because they feel so real. I am so sure that it was definitely your mom trying to contact you as in our dreams we are not so blinded by our emotions so its easier to communicate. I truly believe in this. To give you an example, one night I was feeling extremely anxious and depressed. I was in my moms room asking and begging her to contact me. I was sitting on her bed looking through her tablet. That night I had a dream and saw her. She was extremely frustrated and told me to leave her to be. To not touch her stuff. It made so much sense. She was a strong independent woman and always needed her privacy to be respected. Later on that day my cousin suddenly called me telling me about a dream she had that day aswell. It was my mom telling her to leave her alone. It could not have been a coincidence. Ever since then I never touched or looked through her tablet or phone. 

Another day, months later, I had another dream. It was short but extremely intense. I was going into her room. She was lying on her bed like she always used to. She sat up and looked at me. I knew that she was supposed to be dead so I asked her what she was doing home, confused as hell but also happy to see her. The overall feeling was calm and just pure. We looked at each other and cried intensely. It was so fucking real. I knew she was dead. She knew she was gone and was not here. She was primarily sad for seeing me this way. I missed her so much that seeing her sitting on her bed, everything feeling so real just made me remember how much I missed her.  

[Lost now]

5 hours ago, peachglitter said:

So, an update, I've been struggling a lot. This is the loneliest I've ever felt in my life and I've been lonely before. Someone I thought was my closest friend today said, "everyone dies, get over it" when she saw me quietly sobbing over my mom. We have been friends for over seven years. Her response shocked me. Her lack of empathy, really, is what shocked me. I am not the type of person to cry easily. She knows this. But, since I am not the type of person to cry I can admit my sadness has turned to anger and in that moment, I wanted to reach out and slap her. I wanted to slap her hard across the face and tell her to go home to her mother and cry about it. At least she would have her mother there to console her. I wanted to hurt her, but I didn't. After the anger passed, shock set in as I sat there, looking down crying. How can people be so insensitive? Instead of reacting the way I wanted to, I told her I had to go and afterwards, I blocked her number. No explanations. No words. Nothing. I shouldn't have to tell people how to be decent. I am sure she knows she hurt me because after saying the words, she tried to clarify herself, only for her own reassurance I'm sure. Sometimes, I think if the shoes were on the other foot, I would never say anything like that to someone, not even a stranger let alone a friend. I am done with our "friendship," whether she knows it or not. People always say, "don't hole yourself up alone in your grief," or "get out and be with friends to smile again." I tried to interact with someone instead of keeping myself away like a shut in. Now I feel even lonelier than before.

You don't need people like her in your life. Good you blocked her. You have friends here. We all with you. You did the right thing.

Are you on Sue Ryder community? That's a grief group like this but people are more active there 

Sending a tight hug from here.

- Your friend

 

 

[ADM925]

17 hours ago, peachglitter said:

"everyone dies, get over it"

The next-door neighbor said the same thing to me and like you I was shocked and taken aback.  It hit me like a physical blow.  He is about my age and has both parents.  I am terrified to see him now and terrified of facing life alone.   

 

[MomsLovingSon]

Today has been one week since I lost mom, one day since she was buried. It feels like a lifetime ago since I've spoken to her, been able to see her eyes and been able to have her just squeeze my hand. Really it's only been about two weeks since she was on a ventilator until the end. I'm not crying as much as I was but I suspect that'll change when I'm able to be back at our house. The one thing that I can say that I'm happy, or maybe "satisfied" is a better term, about is that right up until she took her last breath I was right there with her, holding her and telling her everything I thought about her (all good of course, my mom was awesome). I know that my last words to her when she was still awake and everything before they intubated her was that I love her more than anything. It was kind of a blur as I didn't get much time with her then and they were kind of rushing me out, but at least those are the last words we said to each other. Had I known she'd never wake up I would've said more.

 

I had these fantasies that she'd be off of the ventilator after a week or so and that after we'd have all these long conversations, probably one sided with me telling her how much I loved her to a point that it would have made her sick again haha. Sadly I didn't get the chance to, but I hope that when I was talking to her while she was in bed she could hear me. She was on so many painkillers and sedatives that I doubt she did (even though the nurses and everyone says otherwise) but I hope she at least knew I was there. When I played one of her favourite songs in her ear I was told that her heart rate jumped (I wasn't looking at the monitor, I was just kind of cuddling with her) during the ~three minutes that it played, so who knows.

[peachglitter]

On 4/15/2022 at 9:39 PM, MomsLovingSon said:

Today has been one week since I lost mom, one day since she was buried. It feels like a lifetime ago since I've spoken to her, been able to see her eyes and been able to have her just squeeze my hand. Really it's only been about two weeks since she was on a ventilator until the end. I'm not crying as much as I was but I suspect that'll change when I'm able to be back at our house. The one thing that I can say that I'm happy, or maybe "satisfied" is a better term, about is that right up until she took her last breath I was right there with her, holding her and telling her everything I thought about her (all good of course, my mom was awesome). I know that my last words to her when she was still awake and everything before they intubated her was that I love her more than anything. It was kind of a blur as I didn't get much time with her then and they were kind of rushing me out, but at least those are the last words we said to each other. Had I known she'd never wake up I would've said more.

 

I had these fantasies that she'd be off of the ventilator after a week or so and that after we'd have all these long conversations, probably one sided with me telling her how much I loved her to a point that it would have made her sick again haha. Sadly I didn't get the chance to, but I hope that when I was talking to her while she was in bed she could hear me. She was on so many painkillers and sedatives that I doubt she did (even though the nurses and everyone says otherwise) but I hope she at least knew I was there. When I played one of her favourite songs in her ear I was told that her heart rate jumped (I wasn't looking at the monitor, I was just kind of cuddling with her) during the ~three minutes that it played, so who knows.

Hi MomsLovingSon,

thank you for sharing with all of us. The way you speak about your mom, I can tell that your love is unconditional and everlasting for her. I am certain your presence in her final moments meant the world to her. Although I was with my mom at the end, I wish I had stayed after they unplugged all the machines keeping her alive. I wish I had held her hand for a while longer. I wish I had hugged and kissed her in those final moments just to let her know I was there. But I was hysterical. I couldn't let her go. It's been a little over three months and I still haven't let her go.

I hope you find comfort and strength in your time of grieving. I know these words don't mean much. When I hear people tell me to be "strong," I'm already turned off from them. But, with all sincerity, I do wish the best for you and hope that you can smile rather than cry when thinking of your mother.

[MomsLovingSon]

18 minutes ago, peachglitter said:

thank you for sharing with all of us. The way you speak about your mom, I can tell that your love is unconditional and everlasting for her.

She really was everything to me. She, just like myself, was never a type who'd be described as "the life of the party" or anything. She was, however, a very smart woman and very thoughtful. Very dependable and just had a good disposition. She made for good company and was just a very good friend on top of being a mom.

18 minutes ago, peachglitter said:

Although I was with my mom at the end, I wish I had stayed after they unplugged all the machines keeping her alive. I wish I had held her hand for a while longer. I wish I had hugged and kissed her in those final moments just to let her know I was there. But I was hysterical. I couldn't let her go. It's been a little over three months and I still haven't let her go.

I feel you there. I don't blame you though if you couldn't be there at that moment. Trust me, it was extremely difficult to be there as they did everything. Knowing that it was all up to her then to breathe and that it wouldn't take long for her to be unable to was devastating. Watching someone, a parent no less, in that position is just... it's hard. On top of that it was me who made the call to have her taken off of everything. I don't feel guilty since it was a choice between dragging out suffering or not, but it still blows my mind that I ended up in a position with my family to tell a doctor to let my mom go. I remember when we left the room so that the nurse could tidy things up that the ~20-30 minutes or so felt like forever. Going back in to see her knowing that she was gone was heartbreaking; her laying there with the tube still in her mouth (it was hospital policy to leave it because of her pneumonia) was jarring. I wanted to give her a kiss on the corner of her mouth one last time but couldn't because it was kind of in the way.

18 minutes ago, peachglitter said:

I know these words don't mean much. When I hear people tell me to be "strong," I'm already turned off from them. But, with all sincerity, I do wish the best for you and hope that you can smile rather than cry when thinking of your mother.

It does mean something though. It's nice (you know what I mean) that someone else can relate. I wish it was over something nicer than death, but it helps a little. I'm still very upset (but still not really crying anymore for some reason) and I'm very scared for the future. My mom did a lot for me, almost everything really and now it's like I live in a different reality. I hope that I can figure things out, not just for me but for her.

[unluckydaughter]

On 2/28/2022 at 3:22 PM, peachglitter said:

So, an update, I've been struggling a lot. This is the loneliest I've ever felt in my life and I've been lonely before. Someone I thought was my closest friend today said, "everyone dies, get over it" when she saw me quietly sobbing over my mom. We have been friends for over seven years. Her response shocked me. Her lack of empathy, really, is what shocked me. I am not the type of person to cry easily. She knows this. But, since I am not the type of person to cry I can admit my sadness has turned to anger and in that moment, I wanted to reach out and slap her. I wanted to slap her hard across the face and tell her to go home to her mother and cry about it. At least she would have her mother there to console her. I wanted to hurt her, but I didn't. After the anger passed, shock set in as I sat there, looking down crying. How can people be so insensitive? Instead of reacting the way I wanted to, I told her I had to go and afterwards, I blocked her number. No explanations. No words. Nothing. I shouldn't have to tell people how to be decent. I am sure she knows she hurt me because after saying the words, she tried to clarify herself, only for her own reassurance I'm sure. Sometimes, I think if the shoes were on the other foot, I would never say anything like that to someone, not even a stranger let alone a friend. I am done with our "friendship," whether she knows it or not. People always say, "don't hole yourself up alone in your grief," or "get out and be with friends to smile again." I tried to interact with someone instead of keeping myself away like a shut in. Now I feel even lonelier than before.

Dear peachglitter,

I’m sorry, I totally get this feeling.. this frustration. When we are already suffering, feeling helpless about the irreversible tragedy, you cannot just tolerate people like your insensitive friend.
Similar thing happened with me, but from my insensitive relatives. I lost my dear Daddy to covid in April 2021, within a span of 5 days. When he was put on ventilator, I messaged this relatives group asking for prayers but out of 16 participants in the group I think 2-3 responded. Others read my message but didn’t care to reply OK. I mean I’m already panicking, I’m already anxious and people cannot show their support for whatever reasons. Whatever the outcome may be, I would have felt better to see some supportive replies. The second incident is it hadn’t been even 24 hours since Dad passed, the same group of people continued their BAU - sharing jokes, videos. And the worst part is they were forwarding jokes on covid. Everyone knew my Dad’s lungs were badly damaged due to covid. Still one of the jokes read - “One year of taking steam, hot water has made nasal passages so clean, that virus now goes straight to the lungs, earlier it used to get stuck in the nostrils (lots of smileys)”. I mean to this day I cannot tolerate this message and that person. My frustration is the same. My husband said I am overreacting, but I don’t feel I am. The timing in which this was sent makes me feel extremely sad. This is just one of such jokes. One of the other ones was “covid umbrella” where someone covered his entire body with a big umbrella when another person sneezed. My relatives kept sending similar ones continuously totally oblivious to what happened. And guess what, there were replies to such jokes! There were smiley reactions! The same relatives didn’t bother to send me condolences even. I kept seeing all of this and couldn’t take it anymore and just exited the group. And the worst part? Except for one lady nobody else asked me why I exited. I mean how can people be so mean minded. I would have never even “thought” of behaving so badly even with a stranger. The feeling I got after this was like you mentioned, more lonely.. I felt yes there’s nobody to support us other than our immediate family. And these relatives were the ones whom I treated as close people. That made me more sad. Like you said your friend has her mom, my relatives have complete families. In my opinion, one doesn’t need to suffer the same to understand others’ sufferings. Also, these same mean people continue to live happily while we are still suffering. My relatives’ lives are unaffected by the covid pandemic while ours turned upside down. 
Sorry I honestly don’t know how to console you in this regard, but knowing other incidents like these may make you feel you’re not alone. World is full of mean people unfortunately.