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4 Months


LittleBeans83

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LittleBeans83

It has been 4 months since the passing of my grandfather. During the day, I am a brave face. At night, I cry and cry thinking of things I could've done differently while he was still here.

His passing was not unexpected. Well I guess it was and wasn't. On Valentine's day, after months of what his doctor claimed was "the flu", I sat with Grampy at outpatients hoping to see an er doctor. His breathing was bad, he had entirely no voice, and he was getting so thin and dehydrated that he just wanted another opinion. We got to see the doc, who within the first 24 hours, diagnosed him with end stage lung cancer, and later pancreatic, brain and soft tissue cancers as well. They have him 6 months to a year, possibly longer with chemo. He decided to take Chemo (mainly for us, even though we never asked him) and responded well at first. After 3 rounds, my once husky granddad, was a frail 140 lbs and expected to get the summer. He made it until June 15th. His youngest daughter was married on the 13th and 2 days later, he was gone.

I cried that morning. I cried that night. I sobbed at the funeral for a few moments. But then, I put on a brave face, which has been on ever since. My family is the type to look at you and say things like "why are you crying? You're just a big sook." I never show my emotions in front of them. But in the comfort of my bedroom, I cry. I miss him so much. I want him to be here to see the things that I can accomplish in the future. When he died, I was 27 years old, married, living with my mother and working at a dead end job. I wanted to be so much more for him....but he never got to see it. I just want to hug him one more time and tell him I love him.

The night before he died, I stopped into the hospital to sit with him, he was unresponsive, but I told him I loved him and said goodbye to him when I left. The next morning, we got a call from the nurses telling us to call our minister and that it wouldn't be much longer. My job wouldn't let me go, and in a way I am greatful for that. I want to remember my granddad strong and alive, not weak and dying.

I guess I'm not sure where to go from here. It upset me to go to his house after he died because everything reminded me of him, a chair he sat in, where he stood to do dishes etc. I had to go into the computer room and breathe deeply because I thought I was taking a panic attack and technology was the only thing he refused to learn, thus the only Grampy free zone in the house. I still have a hard time looking at Nanny because I'm still upset by the fact that he's not with her anymore.

I feel as though I'm punishing my family, we were really close, Sunday dinner every Sunday since birth. But I just have a hard time being around them. I don't want to deal with their nonsense, I just want my Grampy back. I feel I am becoming isolated from them, and I kind of prefer it.

Does anyone have a similar experience or any advice? I feel like I'm drowning, all the while with a smile on my face to hide the fear. Thanks for reading.

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It has been 4 months since the passing of my grandfather. During the day, I am a brave face. At night, I cry and cry thinking of things I could've done differently while he was still here.

His passing was not unexpected. Well I guess it was and wasn't. On Valentine's day, after months of what his doctor claimed was "the flu", I sat with Grampy at outpatients hoping to see an er doctor. His breathing was bad, he had entirely no voice, and he was getting so thin and dehydrated that he just wanted another opinion. We got to see the doc, who within the first 24 hours, diagnosed him with end stage lung cancer, and later pancreatic, brain and soft tissue cancers as well. They have him 6 months to a year, possibly longer with chemo. He decided to take Chemo (mainly for us, even though we never asked him) and responded well at first. After 3 rounds, my once husky granddad, was a frail 140 lbs and expected to get the summer. He made it until June 15th. His youngest daughter was married on the 13th and 2 days later, he was gone.

I cried that morning. I cried that night. I sobbed at the funeral for a few moments. But then, I put on a brave face, which has been on ever since. My family is the type to look at you and say things like "why are you crying? You're just a big sook." I never show my emotions in front of them. But in the comfort of my bedroom, I cry. I miss him so much. I want him to be here to see the things that I can accomplish in the future. When he died, I was 27 years old, married, living with my mother and working at a dead end job. I wanted to be so much more for him....but he never got to see it. I just want to hug him one more time and tell him I love him.

The night before he died, I stopped into the hospital to sit with him, he was unresponsive, but I told him I loved him and said goodbye to him when I left. The next morning, we got a call from the nurses telling us to call our minister and that it wouldn't be much longer. My job wouldn't let me go, and in a way I am greatful for that. I want to remember my granddad strong and alive, not weak and dying.

I guess I'm not sure where to go from here. It upset me to go to his house after he died because everything reminded me of him, a chair he sat in, where he stood to do dishes etc. I had to go into the computer room and breathe deeply because I thought I was taking a panic attack and technology was the only thing he refused to learn, thus the only Grampy free zone in the house. I still have a hard time looking at Nanny because I'm still upset by the fact that he's not with her anymore.

I feel as though I'm punishing my family, we were really close, Sunday dinner every Sunday since birth. But I just have a hard time being around them. I don't want to deal with their nonsense, I just want my Grampy back. I feel I am becoming isolated from them, and I kind of prefer it.

Does anyone have a similar experience or any advice? I feel like I'm drowning, all the while with a smile on my face to hide the fear. Thanks for reading.

Ashco,

I am sorry about the loss of your Grandfather. If you are not able to talk to anyone in your family about his passing, you may want to go join a self help grief and loss meeting or make an appointment with a counselor. Coming here and talking about your feelings is also a good way to help you get them out.

Did your family know how close you were to him? Is he the first person in your family that you've ever had to pass on? Can you talk to anyone else, like a close friend? What about journaling how you feel?

Nanny is probably suffering far more than you realize, and she may actually wish someone would talk about Grandpa so she can. I'm sure if it bothers you that Grampy isn't there, then it bothers her too. Why don't you get the nerve to ask her sometime in private? That way, if she is uncomfortable about talking, you both can move forward.

In the meantime, why don't you tell us more about your beloved Grampy? Got any pictures to share?

ModKonnie

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LittleBeans83

Thank you for your support. I think all of your ideas might be a great approach for this grief. Every day I find it getting better, nobody can replace my Grandfather, but why would I want them to? My memories of him are with me forever, and he holds a special place in my heart. It doesn't make it any easier, but it is manageable. I still have a hard time looking at photographs, but I can look at some for a brief period, which is a lot more than I could before.

My grandmother is hurting. I notice that everytime I see her. She's so lonely. I wish there was something I could do, but she doesn't really want to do anything. I'm sure it will come in time. I'll just keep at it.

My husband has been amazing through everything. We can be enjoying a laugh one minute, and then something he will do or say will remind me of my grandfather and my emotions will get the better of me. He will sit with me, holding my hand or stroking my hair as I cry. I can really talk to him about how I am feeling and I think that without his support I would spiral. Thankfully, that's not the case.

I do have a pic of me and my Grampy at my wedding, he was healthy and handsome. It's one of my favorite pics and I will try to add it later.

Again, thank you. It's nice to have a listening ear out there. I will pay it forward in the forums.

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Thank you for your support. I think all of your ideas might be a great approach for this grief. Every day I find it getting better, nobody can replace my Grandfather, but why would I want them to? My memories of him are with me forever, and he holds a special place in my heart. It doesn't make it any easier, but it is manageable. I still have a hard time looking at photographs, but I can look at some for a brief period, which is a lot more than I could before.

My grandmother is hurting. I notice that everytime I see her. She's so lonely. I wish there was something I could do, but she doesn't really want to do anything. I'm sure it will come in time. I'll just keep at it.

My husband has been amazing through everything. We can be enjoying a laugh one minute, and then something he will do or say will remind me of my grandfather and my emotions will get the better of me. He will sit with me, holding my hand or stroking my hair as I cry. I can really talk to him about how I am feeling and I think that without his support I would spiral. Thankfully, that's not the case.

I do have a pic of me and my Grampy at my wedding, he was healthy and handsome. It's one of my favorite pics and I will try to add it later.

Again, thank you. It's nice to have a listening ear out there. I will pay it forward in the forums.

I am glad you feel better today. There are many many people who come and read these posts, but choose not to respond because sometimes it's too difficult or they are simply too overwhelmed. I get private messages and emails all the time, so please do not think I am the only one listening or paying attention.

Does your grandmother not talk to anyone about how she is feeling? Is she just too grief stricken? I feel for her. Maybe you can show her how to use this site? Or maybe you should suggest going to a counselor together--just you two?

ModKonnie

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