Being Happy

[M Olden]

My wife was diagnosed with metastasized cancer almost 8 years ago. I love her so and not always feeling like i am helping although every ounce of my being is going to getting her the best care and rolling with the ups and downs. weight loss and near death times to getting better with experimental treatments. I feel like life is a gift everyday and to know you are loved and appreciated is higher and higher on my list daily. Putting myself second or third is always necessary. My mother died of cancer in 2008 and wife has outlived the 2 months given by almost 8 years now. Yet I feel like i cannot do enough.

Fulltime job, taking care of 80+ year old mother, everything about the care and dates on my plate as well as all upkeep, All wants, All needs.........seems to much at times and i spiral but no one knows but me. Whenever i get asked what's wrong i have to say "nothing" because if i say anything it doesn't trump the terminal cancer. No friends/family to talk to because they have lives and dont want or need anymore stress that will ruin their vacations or lives. I am in a place now the last couple years that i understand i guess but it doesn't stop the empty, lonely, worthless feelings.

There has to be someone else who feels this way and needs a friend for advice or just and outlet. Don't want or need professional help as i am a pretty capable guy to internalize and trudge on. Throw into the mix of CoVid.....:-(. I can travel for work to get away but don't much anymore for fear im missing out on care needed. I pray on it daily to have the strength to find on outlet to find some reenergizing solace for me. I know what my parents would tell me and i hear their voices doing so more and more. I need to think on me

New to this form of expression but it felt good just to type it...Mike

 

if there is a better site to interact with similar situations please for ward to me…. Abit lost here…

[M Olden]

This site doesn’t seem like a place where you can talk to people about what you’re going through. Can anyone suggest another place where there can be some interaction about the difficulty. Without publicly attending meetings. M