I miss my dad so much

[Ash90]

My dad passed away on 01/22/2022. The phone call from the hospital replays in my head over n over. He suffered a stroke back in June 2021, just 2 1/2 weeks after my wedding and was put on a ventilator and feeding tube. He couldn’t talk, move much, or eat but he responded by nodding his head, and blinking his eyes. He was put into rehab with 24/7 care and i’d visit him almost everyday to make sure he was ok and even made him exercise by moving his arms and legs, up and down, in and out. I got a call from his rehab center that he had vomited coagulated blood and wasn’t breathing well so they’re sending him to the hospital at 2am. It’s happened before too the vomiting but the breathing part worried me. A few hours later I called the hospital since I saw a missed call from the rehab place at 4am, and the dr told me that he had come in very sick, wasn’t breathing on his own and his heart stopped, they couldn’t bring his heartbeat back. My whole world shattered.I know he’s not suffering anymore but I miss him so much. Everything reminds me of him and that morning keeps replaying in my head. I keep thinking what if I had done this for him or that for him, or wished I would have spent more time with him, told him I loved him more often, hugged him more. It’s eating me up inside, I cry almost every night holding on to his watch and ring. I’m struggling to cope with his death, I just can’t believe he’s really gone it’s so painful

[Briannaw23]

I’m sorry for your loss, I send my condolences to you and you’re family. I just recently loss my mom to Covid on January 28 and I know how you feel I couldn’t go and see her because of Covid restrictions but I know she’s in a better place. I try to think positive and think of happy moments that I spend with her to get by each day but it’s hard living life without your parent. I pray that god would give you strength and healing during this time.

[Ash90]

@Briannaw23 I’m so sorry for your loss, praying for you and your family during this time. It will take time for us to heal from their loss but I’m here to talk anytime you need to. It’s a type of grief that can’t be explained in words but try to grieve/cry when you need to and distract yourself when you can. I cry whenever I feel overwhelmed with his memories and it makes my heart feel a little less heavy from the pain, or I’ll replay his voicemails just to hear his voice. I will pray for you to get through this pain with patience and strength. 

[MrX]

I'm sorry for your loss as well, my Father passed away 7 days before yours. I'll tell you friend, I've been through many losses of both friends and family, this is biggest fear I've had losing my parents.. and losing my Father has been the most impactful of any losses I've experienced over the years..

Some tips I like to share that seem to be comforting me and my loss and I hope maybe some of this may help you, as everyone is different in the grieving process.

- Other than sharing my feelings on the site here (great kind people on this site!) I've also listening to grief audio pod casts on Spotify and also watching grief videos on YouTube.

- The "7 stages are grief" is not linear (you will hear and read that over and over again) and everyone experiences things differently. I tend to cry more and feel depressed more at night before bed as it is quiet. In the very early morning I sometimes feel some anxiety like I NEED to help my Mom or I need to be doing something or I should be worrying about someone or something, and I do sometimes wake up very early in the morning.. It's the same type of feeling in my gut, I had during my entire trip to see my Father at his wake and burial... That anxiety is part of the grieving process... I know this now.

- What helps ME, with my grief and my anxiety is saying to myself "one day at a time", it's my saying or mantra.... That is all I can do now. I have been setting one goal loosely for whatever that next day is, and that is the only thing that I do... (like cleaning my home office, I'm a pack rat like my dad, gotta get more room in here). BUT if I not able to do that "one thing" I cut myself some slack as well.

- Also what I do during the day is mediate on my loss and grief, I set like a 1/2 hour for that give or take and again I give myself some slack. Sometimes, I think in my head like I am talking to my Father on how I'm feel and sure I cry at times.. that is going to happen and it's good not to keep those feelings inside. Other times I again watch videos on grief or listen to audio podcasts on grief to help me. Or maybe I'll do a hobby that my Dad and I liked to do, even a similar interest that we both talked about and shared about... That also helps.

- There may be some things that I will eventually stop doing when I get more the "acceptance" part of the grieving process again whenever I finally get there. There is again no right or wrong answer to when I will stop doing this or that.. I have honored my fathers memory and legacy and I will keep doing so. I also plan to do something on the anniversary date of his passing in 2023.

- There is no set time on how long each person will grief, everyone again is different. It's common also to hear friends, co-workers and even relatives say things like "you'll get over it soon". Or "it will only last a year and then you'll be ok". I've heard a lot of these things myself even NOW... And also others out there have heard the same thing unreal as that is. Know that those people think their intentions are good, but they don't know they are a bit misplaced, towards how you are feeling.

- The most important reason why wanted to write to you today, is to say YOU ARE NOT ALONE! The first few days, I felt like I was the only one out there going through this, its also 100% expect to feel that way as part of the grief process but trust me the more you read and look around other sites and forums, there are a lot of us out here.

[Ash90]

@MrX I am so sorry for your loss my friend. I know how you’re feeling, and can understand the pain that comes with losing someone you were so close with/spent all ur life experiences with. I can definitely relate to the anxiety you’re experiencing I go thru it daily since he’s passed. At night before bed is when I feel overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts abt the past 8 months he was sick and that morning he passed away. I feel like I have to control everything since that feeling of helplessness I experienced was traumatic for me. I’ll listen to his old voicemails on my phone just to hear his voice again, I’ll try to distract myself but sometimes I just let it out and cry to feel lighter. You’re so right, at first I felt like I was the only one that’s feeling this way and going through this pain but I’ve realized I’m not alone and THANK YOU for reminding me. I will definitely take ur advice and cut myself some slack, I hope and pray you heal with me. It’s not easy but we will get through this 

[MrX]

@Ash90 Thank You, I appreciate what you said. Your Father is proud of you, just as my Father is proud of me. And what you said is so very relatable to me. That is the one thing that is helping me, is I know I have to go through the grieving process, cut myself a lot of slack and just try to have one goal or task each day... And also again if I can't do that one goal or task, that's ok.. because it's "one day at a time" and "it is ok, NOT to be ok".