Lost my son and my parents won't go to the memorial

[Conpie]

So My son passed from a drug overdose on 1/27/22 and now my parents aren't going to the memorial because they are afraid it will be a Covid super spreader.  They are both in their 80's and not well.  Mom is not vaccinated. I do understand I really do and I and my son would not want to cause their death.  I was just so shocked.  What do I do?

[KMkm]

I know that people stream the service or record it and share it with others.  I haven't lost a child but my wife's memorial service will be held in May and I accept that it might be smaller than I would hope.  It might be different for you and I don't know your situstion.  Laying someone to rest that is dear to us is hard and I hope it brings you some peace like I hope it wil for me.  Maybe ask them if they would like someone to video stream it and they can be with you in some way.  I will have someone do the same for my wife's service to allow people to be there in some manner.  Again I am sorry that you have to go through this and I hope you find some peace.

[Conpie]

Thank You.  The situation has actually changed and I found out my dad is refusing to go because he is very angry with our son.  I get his anger but not the way he is expressing it.  He is spewing it to anyone who will listen and in a very ugly way.  I get it--if you are that angry you can't feel pain.  But it is hurting others including our surviving son.  I can't change how he feels--putting a lot nicer than he is that our son chose drugs and drug addicts over a family that loved him.  I can only pray that he forgives Connor and himself.

Thank you

 

[KMkm]

Anger manifests sometimes out of sadness and fear.  Your Dad might not understand how drugs can turn you into something you aren't.  Maybe he needs to see a counselor to get to the bottom of his anger.  It may be as simple as he is angry that the sadness a death has brought to your family.  I hope things work out cause anger doesn't help in healing from grief.  Just focus on your well being and if you need to vent then here is a safe place.  I just had to deal with a family member being angry after my wife passed and I explained to them that I am grieving and whatever anger you might have for me will have to be discussed in a calm manner and dealt with so both of us can move forward.  I told them that I can't deal with grief, our family losing their mom, sister, aunt, daughter, friend and on top of that anger.  I hope that you find some help.

[Conpie]

Thank you.   He did not go  but my mother did.  It was such a healing event for me.  Although I am now exhausted I feel strangely at peace.  I accept his way of dealing with it  and that is something he will have to process.  We did this as a family with the love and support of so many people.  I could not ask for more.

[KMkm]

Good to hear.  I'm glad that it gave you some peace.  I am waiting til May to intern my wife's ashes.  I hope things keep moving forward for you and get better.  I hope your family comes together and becomes closer.

[Judith fay]

A few of my family could not attened my daughters  funeral. My sister got her leg amputated  and had mersa. My brother was adviced not to travel he had stomach  cancer. I just tried to understand. Seeing my Christina in the casket i wanted to just run. But my Grandkids needed me to be strong. Everybody was impressed that I didnt fall apart but inside me I was screaming a scream nobody could here. I  fell apart at home. I didnt believe she was gone until i seen her. Her boyfriend who left her to die showed up and was asked to leave.

I never thought I would lose another daughter but here i am again. My son now is my rock. I wish I had peace but i guess everyone is different. Right now I dont see a end to my grief  and anger.

[LostHeartMom]

Conpie, too many people don't understand addiction and the tendency is to judge. My daughter and only child passed in 2019 as the result of an overdose. I have a soft spot in my heart now for drug addicts. Their sickness is no different than any other mental health issue. I believe your Dad wouldn't be feeling so much anger if he didn't love your son. I hope that he will find the strength to support to you in the way that you need right now. Your son was so strong to fight so hard for as long as he did in life, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Judith fay]

lostheartmom  I also have  a soft spot for addicts. My sweet Christina taught  me  alot about  compassion  for people with addictions. She tried to help and guide people in the right direction. My heart broke into when she overdosed. I am still confused over why. I struggle everyday.

Iam glad for this group because in my family nobody understands. They say just move on . Until you have lost not 1 but 2 children you couldn't  possibly know my pain

Momofchristina