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Telling friends after a time


Connelly

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My mum died last February and I haven’t told my friends yet, I think because: 

  • Due to Covid, and geography, we only met up three times last year. 

  • I didn’t want to tell them over messenger, it didn’t and doesn’t feel right to. 

  • The three times we did meet up were two weekends in Swansea and a weeks holiday in Spain, they were happy occasions, we were having fun and I didn’t want to ruin them. 

  • I was happy with them not knowing, it was a brief return to normality. 

  • And it’s just a horrible conversation. 

I thought I was coping but it’s has just gotten so much worse since the start of this year, I don’t know if it’s because the anniversary is approaching or I reached my limit of bottling it up or even if it’s just lack of sleep, whatever the case I’m trying to be more open with people. 

I’m meeting with my friends at the end of February, another weekend in Swansea, I want to tell them but I’m apprehensive, it’ll be over a year since she died when we meet up, how the hell do I tell them now, how do I even bring it up? They’re good friends and I’m sure they’ll be understanding but I’m still fearful of ruining our limited time together and also that it’ll change their behaviour towards me. 

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Hi there ( big hugs) I know how you feel 

February 3 this year will be one year since the day my life changed without my mother she fell and broke her hip and from that day she declined and died on April 10th

for me February 3 is two days away and I feel anxiety depression hitting me already because this day is really I feel when I lost her because after she fell and broke her hip she was never the same. 
 

My friends try to reach out to me and other family members but I wasn’t ready to talk the holidays had approached and I started feeling more anxiety more depression lack of sleep etc. I only could talk to one brother and my stepfather about my feelings then the rest of the day I just kept busy and try not to think about it then it would hit me at night or in the mornings when things were very quiet. 
 

in January I was able to reach out to other family members because the holidays had passed and I felt like I could talk some more but now I’m starting to feel that overwhelming feeling again but I believe after February is gone and iApril …I will start to feel somewhat better and be able to reach out to my other close friends and talk about her passing.

I want to make pictures of her and thank you cards and go to the place is she used to go with her friends worked and say thank you to them for being her good friend. ..I think I’ll be able to do it maybe this summer.

I want to share with you that when I did talk about it ….it did help but you need to do it on your own time follow your instincts but yes it’s best to get it out eventually because it’s bottled up inside of you and this is what causes anxiety depression and lack of sleep. 

Other things I find that help is coming here and listening to other peoples stories so then I know I’m not alone just like your story and also writing down my feelings I also have a picture of my mother which I talk to her every morning and every night.
 

I also try to do things to honor her like wear some of her clothes and on February 3 I want to try to go to the place she wanted to go to which was a hamburger restaurant and have a hamburger sitting in the car this is what she wanted to do that day that she fell in my room.

I’m crying as I write this because I felt like it was my fault when I know deep inside it wasn’t that she fell from a small bench in my room. I did not know at the time she was having liver failure and toxins were going to her brain so she got dizzy and fell. I know I should be grateful that she fell in my room and not on the street or sidewalk.

please take care and know you can express yourself here it is a safe place and we are all in this together to help each other take care and be good to yourself.

 

 

 

 

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Sorry …forgot to say …your good friends will understand and just let them know you want to share with them …but want to enjoy your time with them being happy because this is what your mom would want and happy memories with them is important to you especially now. 

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Thank you for your kind words, your sharing and your advice. I’ve only been a member a couple of days and this has already helped a great deal.

I hope tomorrow goes ok for you.

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