How do I deal with the loss of my mom and best friend

[Baby doll]

I have been surrounded by death my whole life lost one of my best friends when I was 15 years old. And lost so many people close to me after that. I learned to deal with their losses and just kept going. But in the last two years January has almost killed me. On January 31 2020 I loss my best friend of 30 plus years( she was my other half) and I still have not got over That loss it hurts every day. Now I lost my mom January 11 2022 and my heart is beyond broken its ripped right out. I have so much rage, anger, and hate now then I have ever had before that it scares me. I can't handle it. I know I am depressed and don't know how to stop it. I know my mom is in a better place and not suffering anymore and I am grateful for that. But I can't see my life without her here I don't want my life without her. I know she would want me to keep going and be happy but just don't know how to. She is was the only person who has always been there my whole life. I just don't know how to go on without her. She was my rock, my best friend, my mom, my everything. How do I go on

[Traz]

Hi Baby doll,

I mean this when I say my heart goes out to you. To lose the two most important people in your life so close together must feel unbearable. You are still grieving the loss of your best friend while trying to come to terms with your mom's recent passing. Your anger and rage are appropriate responses, considering the amount of loss in your life. 

There are grief counsellors out there who deal specifically with multiple losses, many have gone through it themselves. That may really help you through this really difficult time.

Do you have anyone else to turn for comfort? (Remaining family members, spouse, friends etc) Sharing your grief with people close to you and who knew your mom might help. 

I lost my dad, mom and brother but not all at once. It has been almost 2 1/2  years since my mom died and I'm in a better place than I was but my grief is still profound. I wasnt able to get counselling through the pandemic and the isolation was tough. Some of the things I did to get me through the initial stages were 1. Buying a couple of journals - one to write to my mom in and another one to just express my feelings. 

I dont know if you like to write but it helped me a lot.  2. I started looking at YouTube videos on near death experiences. I don't know why it brought me comfort, but it did. It helped me understand a lot more about what happens when we die.

3. My daughter got me an audiobook subscription and I listened to authors' books on their grief - about mothers specifically. I would go for long walks in the nice weather and listen to these. 

4. I cried and cried until I had nothing left. The kind of sobbing that comes from your soul. It's not fun but I always felt relief afterward. 

I am trying to still have a 'relationship' with my mom, even though she's not here. I try to honour her in little ways, on her birthday, mother's day etc. Those firsts are really hard to get through, but you do somehow. 

Please give yourself time. These are early days yet and the shock of it all is so overwhelming. It will take a long time to process and its something we'll never get 'over' but it won't always be as raw and like an open wound. 

Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

[Baby doll]

Thank you. Yes I do have a few people to talk to it about my sister has always been there for me. I always feel so bad for her cause I know she is going through the loss of our mom as well. And I also special bond with my mom then the two them have and I feel like my grief is rubbing that bond in her face and I am not.  I have always wrote in journals my whole life but since mom passed I have not been able to do that.  But the idea of one for just her in it sounds like a good idea for me to do. 

[Traz]

I'm glad you have a sister to share your grief with and don't feel guilty about the special bond you had with your mom. You and your sister can still be there for each other with shared memories of your mom - all her little habits or gestures etc that made her who she was, that kind of thing. Yeah, I found talking to my mom in my journal helpful and I still write to her. It's my way of feeling a connection. 

Remember to do your self care during this really difficult stage. Grief is so hard on your body. Take care of you, xo.

[Baby doll]

I wish I could just skip January sleep the whole month away. If it wasn't for my kids and hunny I would never get off the couch. How do I move forward