Is it normal not to sleep?

[Marievc]

My husband of 22 years died suddenly. I just can’t fall sleep, or stay asleep. How long will this last and is it normal?

[Loriii]

Marievc, I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. I understand you and definitely could relate to your experience. My partner of 16 years passed away just almost 3 weeks ago. It just feels like yesterday. It's been hard for me to fall asleep. I sleep in different times, but it is extremely hard during the night when everything is completely silent. Sometimes, I'd sleep 3 hours straight then start waking up every hour, go back to sleep, then wake up again after an hour. I've been getting 5-7 hours of sleep recently, Lucky if I get 8 hours. But there are always interruptions. I couldn't sleep straight. It's also hard when I wake up knowing the first thing that comes to my mind is her. I'm always looking for her. Anyway, I'm sorry I don't have  answers to "How long will this last?" as I'm asking the same to myself. What I usually try to do is grab the opportunity whenever I feel tired (and sleep). There will come a time when your body cannot handle anymore and it needs rest/sleep. So grab the chance, even a nap will do. It will help. If you take naps frequently, they will add up and you won't feel as tired. I try to avoid sleeping when everything is completely silent. You can turn on the TV or radio, or any music to help take your mind off things. 

[catcat]

From myself and everyone I've known that has gone through loss, yes, its normal. if it gets bad seek help. I got sleeping pills as I wasn't sleeping for days, get an hour, then a couple days, then an hour or two broken up. Got to the point I was having auditory hallucinations. Sleeping meds have helped a lot..

Loriii, I too can't sleep with silence. I put on shows he liked.. Makes me feel like he is here..

[Loriii]

1 hour ago, catcat said:

Loriii, I too can't sleep with silence. I put on shows he liked.. Makes me feel like he is here..

I always end up having no choice but to sleep in silence. Sometimes I cry while talking to her. Then ask her to sleep beside me. It probably makes me feel tired and realized few hours later that I already gone to sleep. I don't normally have a TV or music on, more so watching/listening to the stuff that she likes. I could not stand them. Maybe, not yet when everything is still fresh for me. Makes me feel depressed. You are brave doing that though, so I guess continue what works for you. When you think about it. All we want is to feel that they're there with us.

[KayC]

Welcome, I'm glad you started your own thread...yes inability to sleep/think is "normal" in grief.  It took me years but I finally gave in and started using a sleeping pill.  The doctor offered me one when he died and I declined, thinking it a temporary solution to a permanent problem.  I was wrong.  If anything I made it harder on myself by not accepting his help.  Now I do, if I have to take one the rest of my life, so be it, I need some sleep.  I started on anti-anxiety meds three years into this, will take the rest of my life too...not an SSRI, I didn't want something that altered my brain or took away my ability to feel, I did my own research and settled on Buspirone (Buspar), very mild and safe and have had no side effects but it did stop my panic attacks and took the edge off my anxiety so I could cope.  I've been on the anxiety meds 13 1/2 years, the sleep meds a few years.  I've had GAD all my life, even as a child, I just never got help for it until 2008.  George's death greatly escalated it!

I am so sorry for your loss and that anyone else has cause to be here.  It's been the hardest journey of my life, but also one I've learned more in than the rest of my life put together...he died 6/19/2005, Father's Day, barely 51, sudden, unexpected.  Diabetic complications, we had been doing what the doctors/classes said, it didn't help.  Now I help run a diabetic group with thousands of people from all over the world, in an effort to keep someone else from going through this.  The irony?  Now I am diabetic with it reversed and under control w/o meds.  I can't wish I knew then what I know now, I didn't, I can only do what I can going forward and spare someone else this heartbreak.

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

 

 

[catcat]

17 hours ago, Loriii said:

I always end up having no choice but to sleep in silence. Sometimes I cry while talking to her. Then ask her to sleep beside me. It probably makes me feel tired and realized few hours later that I already gone to sleep. I don't normally have a TV or music on, more so watching/listening to the stuff that she likes. I could not stand them. Maybe, not yet when everything is still fresh for me. Makes me feel depressed. You are brave doing that though, so I guess continue what works for you. When you think about it. All we want is to feel that they're there with us.

No choice but to sleep in silence, but you also said its very hard to sleep in silence.. Perhaps a white noise machine, sounds of nature, soft music? Anything to break that silence.

I cry while talking to him too.. I also ask for him to crawl in bed next to me.. I have a stuff elephant with his sweaty shirt on it that I can hold..

I'm sorry the thought of watching things they like is depressing to you.. It is to me too, at first I cried harder, but it ended up turning into a comfort, making me feel like he was here in some way. I also don't know what to believe about the afterlife, if he was here in some way, he would probably enjoy it..

But yeah, your last statement. Thats why I do it, I want to feel like he is there. When the show ends and its silence it is a bitter reminder, but it still felt good for a moment..   Everyone is different though, some people cut out all reminders as it hurts so bad. While I've put up photos, and have a coat of his on the couch, and in bed to sleep with. I'm afraid with my memory issues I will start to  forget without those triggers.

[foreverhis]

As you can see, not being able to sleep is very common.  Like Kay, I fought against taking medication to sleep.  I already have medications I have to take for my medical conditions and didn't want to take more.  But my doctor is not a "pill pusher" and made clear that I needed to take what he prescribed.  Deep grief disrupts every part of our lives and bodies.  It's not surprising our minds won't "shut up" and let us sleep.

I was getting 3-4 hours.  After I started taking a low dose of alprazolam, I started being able to sleep 6-7 most nights, usually in two "chunks" because I still find it very difficult to just go upstairs and "go to bed."  I start on the sofa and then head upstairs after a few hours when I know I will be able to get back to sleep.  Because I do have medical issues, I need 10-11 hours to keep from having bad flare ups.  I am not at that point, but I do now manage 8 or so and sometimes take sneak attack naps.

If I have to stay on medication for sleep for the rest of my life, I will.

[Loriii]

3 hours ago, catcat said:

No choice but to sleep in silence, but you also said its very hard to sleep in silence.. Perhaps a white noise machine, sounds of nature, soft music? Anything to break that silence.

I cry while talking to him too.. I also ask for him to crawl in bed next to me.. I have a stuff elephant with his sweaty shirt on it that I can hold..

I'm sorry the thought of watching things they like is depressing to you.. It is to me too, at first I cried harder, but it ended up turning into a comfort, making me feel like he was here in some way. I also don't know what to believe about the afterlife, if he was here in some way, he would probably enjoy it..

But yeah, your last statement. Thats why I do it, I want to feel like he is there. When the show ends and its silence it is a bitter reminder, but it still felt good for a moment..   Everyone is different though, some people cut out all reminders as it hurts so bad. While I've put up photos, and have a coat of his on the couch, and in bed to sleep with. I'm afraid with my memory issues I will start to  forget without those triggers.

Yes, I dread the feeling of sleeping at midnight being in alone in my (our) room. I hate silence. I still sleep in silence because, yes, I have no other choice. To give you an idea how I sleep normally (during the time when everything is still normal), well, I hate noise. I don't sleep with music and tv on. Even the sound of the door wakes me up sometimes.  Back then, sometime last year, there was construction beside our house (like literally). I always wake up to the sound of hammer, steel, etc. during really early mornings and I hated it. I think my hearing is very sensitive. I wasn't diagnosed with anything, but ever since I was a kid, I was like that. It got even worse as years go by. So there. It's always been hard for me to sleep even before. A hug or cuddle from Catherine usually change that though.

Stuff elephant that probably looks cuter than any other stuff toy you want to hold, and sweaty shirt that has full of memories of him. I can imagine how these things comfort you during your sleep. For me, I avoid holding any of her things. It would make me think of her more then make me feel worse. I have this habit of looking at her photos every day, every now and then. I've always been reminded of her youthfulness and having that positive attitude all around. It breaks my heart seeing them. I always end up crying, even bawling after staring at her pictures. The only other things that I can probably hold that we used to share together are the gaming consoles (gaming is my hobby). Sometimes, I intentionally try to play my PS5/Xbox Series during midnight so I could avoid trying to sleep. I've always been getting intense memories of her around 9pm to 6am. That's when she usually stays in the room to work while in front of the pc then sometimes take a break and lay beside me. So usually, I feel more at ease to sleep when it's almost 6am or later. Please don't tell me to play until I fall asleep like how do it watching his favorite shows. I'm a neat freak myself. I wouldn't be able to sleep until I clean everything (tv, console, controllers, etc.). So that's how I am from the start. So I guess, if I end up feeling tired or sleepy while playing, the feeling would eventually go away because I take time cleaning everything. It is weird, but like said, it is how I am. 

I understand you using his things, embracing them and watch his shows. You want that feeling of being reminded of him always than have memory issues and gradually forget about the things that he used to do. With me. it is the opposite. I honestly I have an amnesia that one day, I'd wake up not remembering anything about her. It is selfish, I know. But even if I don't touch or see her things, I've been constantly reminded of her impact in my life. It just hurts so much.

[catcat]

Ah, you're a very light sleeper. Sorry for that.. Have you thought about sleeping not in your bed? I slept on the couch for the first month, I couldn't handle being in bed. I don't think @KayC sleeps in their bed either if I remember right.

I don't actually watch his shows, I just put it on for background noise. I read a lot of articles online to distract myself.

The elephant is actually a big Mammoth with tusks that represented him, I have a small cute elephant that represents me. I have the mammoth next to me on his side, sometimes I get a wiff of his shirt and it hurts so bad, I cry so much, so I have to push it away, other nights its a comfort. I never know what kind of night it will be.. I use a facemask to block out light, kinda helps or Ill stare at the ceiling for hours..

I wouldn't say play until you fall asleep, its not so healthy, but if that was what you did to cope there wouldn't be anything wrong with it. Cleaning can be good stress relief. I let my place get really trashed for the first month, bad, and i was crying so much and so overwhelmed, I finally started cleaning.. and it just felt A better, not so closed in. I can't get rid of his things though. I've been cleaning when i get bad waves of feelings, its a way to put some part of my life back in "order" at least for a moment. Something to focus on that is positive, if even for a moment..

If you don't want to see things, and don't want to touch or be around them, its ok. Everyone copes differently, some people I've known immediately pulled down every photo, got rid of their clothes and things, as it was just too painful to look at. Nothing wrong with that either..

 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, catcat said:

Everyone copes differently

For sure, and it can change for us from time to time depending on what brings us comfort or pain.  

You're right, I haven't slept in our bed, I sleep on our reclining loveseat with my dog...I don't know why it brings me comfort and the bed is a reminder of his absence, but grief doesn't need to make sense, it just is.

[Bill V]

Hi I’m new here but I too have had problems getting to sleep, it’s past midnight right now and I’m wide awake. I seem to sleep better watching a YouTube video then in bed. I have found if I meditate until I can turn off all the thoughts running around in my head I will fall to sleep. I hope it  doesn’t last to long either. 

[KayC]

You and I could have been up together!  I didn't get back to sleep after 11:45 pm!  

[Bill V]

5 hours ago, KayC said:

You and I could have been up together!  I didn't get back to sleep after 11:45 pm!  

I’m a night person and some times I’m up until 2 am my mind racing, but I’m awake early so not getting enough sleep. I will watch a movie or YouTube video just to get a short nap to get me through the day. 

[KayC]

20 hours ago, Bill V said:

I’m a night person and some times I’m up until 2 am my mind racing, but I’m awake early so not getting enough sleep. I will watch a movie or YouTube video just to get a short nap to get me through the day. 

I'm a morning person, to bed early with a sleeping pill or I don't get enough.  If this continues, I hope you'll get some help from your doctor!  I struggled with this for YEARS on my own before accepting his help!  Night before last I had a horrific dream is why I didn't get back to sleep.  I dropped off at 7:30 last night!  It's hard to function without sleep, I know all too well.  (((hugs)))

 

[Bill V]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm a morning person, to bed early with a sleeping pill or I don't get enough.  If this continues, I hope you'll get some help from your doctor!  I struggled with this for YEARS on my own before accepting his help!  Night before last I had a horrific dream is why I didn't get back to sleep.  I dropped off at 7:30 last night!  It's hard to function without sleep, I know all too well.  (((hugs)))

 

I actually got a good nights sleep last night and feel really good today, I woke up early this morning as usual but i didn’t let my mind start thinking I just tried to meditate clearing my mind of thoughts and fell back to sleep and woke up 3 hours later. I have never found a sleeping pill that doesn’t leave me groggy in the morning with a disconnected head feeling. I may order me some camomile tea I’ve had good luck with that in the past so maybe it will help. Thank you for your post, I have noticed you’re very active here and spend a lot of time helping others, you’re a good lady,” HUGs back to you}

[KayC]

On 1/29/2022 at 10:19 AM, Bill V said:

I have never found a sleeping pill that doesn’t leave me groggy in the morning

Mine doesn't (Trazodone 50 mg), I bounce out of bed at 3 or 4 am!  I don't usually have trouble going to sleep, it's getting back to sleep if I wake up during the night.  I never had this issue when George was alive.

[widower2]

I'm sorry I haven't read all of this thread yet but my .02 and as I think others have said, it's totally normal. Bed time remains the hardest time of the day for me; I routinely go to bed 1-2 AM give or take (not great but used to be worse). My "medication" is a few drinks at night.  And as terrible as covid is, for me one bennie has been working remotely and I can get up much later. So not a morning person!

I respectfully disagree that you have to sleep (or be awake) in silence. For ex I always hit my snooze button and listen to the radio as I fall asleep, and when I wake up one of the first things I do is turn on the TV downstairs, even though I don't watch it, just to have some noise and voices in the background. I often also play music quietly in the background when I'm working (or when I'm not) at the PC. 

Gradually over time your sleep habits should settle down somewhat, FWIW.     

[foreverhis]

On 1/29/2022 at 10:19 AM, Bill V said:

I have never found a sleeping pill that doesn’t leave me groggy in the morning with a disconnected head feeling. I

I tried a few different sleeping pills and hated the way they made me feel.  I wasn't sure getting sleep was worth the next day's yuck.

Alprazolam is an anti-anxiety medication (Xanax) that really works for me.  I had a low dose prescription for when I needed it during the day.  It helped.  At my next appointment, my doctor increased my prescription amount and told me to take one and a half or two of them at night to see how that worked.  It's the only thing that has worked consistently with virtually no side effects or next day after effects.  And I haven't developed a tolerance to it, so the dose that helps is exactly the same as 3 years ago.  I take one or one and a half, depending on how I feel.

[KayC]

11 hours ago, widower2 said:

I respectfully disagree that you have to sleep (or be awake) in silence.

You're speaking for yourself, of course, we all differ.

 

[widower2]

Well yeah, I guess some people have to have it totally quiet to get to sleep, but no one has to be awake in silence. Radio, TV, "white noise" sounds etc, anything can help. Speaking of the latter, FWIW I found this useful at times for white noise type of sounds like rainfall, other nature sounds, etc: https://mynoise.net/

[MaryB]

On 1/27/2022 at 1:22 AM, foreverhis said:

It's not surprising our minds won't "shut up" and let us sleep.

This is exactly what it's like.  At first I had such a hard time sleeping...couldn't turn off my mind.  Time made it easier.  Also, I found apps on my phone that have nature sounds and white noise and that helped a lot.  I still use them every night.  Sleep has gotten better but I still struggle every now and then after two and a half years into grieving the loss of my husband.  

[KayC]

9 hours ago, widower2 said:

some people have to have it totally quiet to get to sleep

I live out in the country, I like it quiet, not with barking shrill repetitious loud noise like the neighbor's dog.  Can't understand why they don't bring them in but they must sleep through anything because if I go out on the porch in my nightgown and yell, "SHUT YOUR DOGS UPPPP!!!" they don't respond.  Irritating to watch the hand go around on the clock knowing you could be asleep if only the dxxn neighbor would consider the rest of us.

 

As for having our minds turn off, that's more often the case for me, why I take a sleeping pill...I need an off switch.  If we sleep in heaven, God please give me an off switch!!!

[widower2]

14 hours ago, KayC said:

I live out in the country, I like it quiet, not with barking shrill repetitious loud noise like the neighbor's dog.  Can't understand why they don't bring them in

Simple: they're self-centered morons. Believe me they're breeding like rabbits too; they're everywhere. 

Quote

but they must sleep through anything because if I go out on the porch in my nightgown and yell, "SHUT YOUR DOGS UPPPP!!!" they don't respond.  Irritating to watch the hand go around on the clock knowing you could be asleep if only the dxxn neighbor would consider the rest of us.

ugh. Sorry to hear that. Maybe you should try what I did when my neighbors did that: I set off my car alarm (out in the driveway not the garage). My driveway is up next to them and away from my neighbor on the other side, and no one is across from me, so it's perfect. As long as the dog barked, that's as long as I let the alarm go on (side note, careful of that though, as it drains the battery). It took a LONG time, but they finally got the message.  Sometimes the only way to get through to such - people - is to give them a taste of their own medicine. They're like spoiled kids who will only respond to discipline. 

Quote

As for having our minds turn off, that's more often the case for me, why I take a sleeping pill...I need an off switch.  If we sleep in heaven, God please give me an off switch!!!

amen; I really need to cut back on the drinks at night, but if I don't, sure enough I'm laying there wide awake for hours, even though I go to bed really late.... 

[KMkm]

Sleeping seems to be a problem with most grief sticking people, myself included.  I live in the country, no neighbour's except my in laws down the road.  I tend to try and read til I feel myself pass out and then sleep til I wake up and then start my day no matter what time.  Over the past few days I have been able to get back to sleep after I wake up.  I would agree that sleep is essential but just try and get some whenever you can at any point.  I hate not being able to fall asleep at night so I'll push myself not to sleep til late and then I hope I can sleep til 4.  Hopefully you find something that works.  

[Conpie]

Im reading this as I sit at 1237 am 1 week and 1 day after my son's overdose.  I am also on the loveseat recliner.  His dog is on the other half.  I have been here since it happened.  On the one week anniversary I asked everyone to stay down here with me.  Just so nobody felt alone.  I have only been upstairs several times since his death and really can not bear it.  Seeing his door (shut) makes me start sobbing.  I will sleep shortly and then in the morning I will wake up feeling like the worst hang over ever(no drinking involved).  Not sure what that is about.  I could take melatonin if i really needed it because it or benedryl can normally knock me out.  I am just really trying to power through this.  

[KayC]

11 hours ago, widower2 said:

As long as the dog barked, that's as long as I let the alarm go on

Can't do that here, we don't need MORE noise for the other neighbors!

 

10 hours ago, Conpie said:

I am also on the loveseat recliner.  His dog is on the other half. 

That's what Kodie and I do!  (my dog)

 

10 hours ago, Conpie said:

Seeing his door (shut) makes me start sobbing.

My heart breaks for you.

Caution, don't be afraid to take what you need to help you with sleep, I tried "powering through" for years, only to realize I did myself a disservice and was robbed of a lot of sleep.  I WISH Melatonin worked for me, my daughter takes it.

[tnd]

On 2/3/2022 at 8:14 AM, KayC said:

I like it quiet, not with barking shrill repetitious loud noise like the neighbor's dog. 

KayC: Many years ago I had a trucker who parked outside my apartment window and would regularly warm up his big rig at 4am every morning. The worst! 

 

On 2/3/2022 at 8:14 AM, KayC said:

If we sleep in heaven, God please give me an off switch!!!

KayC:  I am hoping for soft clouds to sleep on and a beautiful display of stars to look up at. Hopefully the clouds won't move whenever my husband rolls over. 

[KayC]

4 hours ago, tnd said:

I am hoping for soft clouds to sleep on and a beautiful display of stars to look up at.

This sounds wonderful!

[C L]

I have kind of an opposite reaction.  I have no problem going to sleep.  I always was able to put my head down and be out in 2 minutes (drove my wife nuts!).  So now I can go to sleep and sleep most of the night until about 2 hours before I have to get up for work (very early) and then I toss and turn until the alarm goes off.  Strange thing is that I still wake up fatigued like I hardly slept at all.  I did have one night of insomnia (fueled by my inconsiderate neighbors revving a truck with no muffler most of the night) and felt exactly as worn out as the "full" nights sleep I had been having.  I wake up and have mild headaches most days.

[tnd]

5 hours ago, C L said:

Strange thing is that I still wake up fatigued like I hardly slept at all.

C L:  Maybe you DID hardly sleep but don't remember it. Or else something during the day is stressing you and causing the fatigue. New medication? Stress at work? I also think that no matter how we deal with it, grief all by itself wears us out. 

[KayC]

 

[RN-Nix]

When I got the call on Christmas morning my life drastically changed. I could not sleep. I would doze off thinking I slept for hours but it was only for 10 minutes the most. I started leaving the TV on every night but that made it worse bc my brain wasn't fully shut down so I would see the bright lights from the TV which drove me nuts but I refused to turn it off. I called my doctor and she prescribed ambien . It shut my body down but somehow my brain kept going. One Friday I decided to drink a glass of red wine and it was very relaxing I went right to sleep.  It's been 2 months since he passed away and last Sunday for the first time I turned the TV off and laid in my bed in total darkness after drinking an organic bedtime tea. I have to read the ingredients because it put me to sleep right away. Now I drink my tea turn the TV off and go to bed. What you are experiencing is totally normal and you will eventually find what works for you. 

[KayC]

 

These Sleep Experts Explain How to Get the Best Rest

 

Is it normal not to sleep?

You might consider talking to a doctor about it, you may need help with this for a while...I made it harder on myself than I needed to by toughing it out, thinking of it as a temporary bandage to a permanent problem, now I gladly take a sleeping pill every night.  Some think that unhealthy, at the dose I take (50 mg Trazodone) it's fine, but I answer, it's not healthy to not get enough sleep for years!  Not to mention you could have a car accident.  Some take lavendar, I don't like the smell.  My daughter takes Melatonin, I tried it, it didn't help me.  It's important to find what works for us!

 

 

[KG21]

I too struggle to sleep. I didn’t sleep at my house for the first week and a half. I then went back to my house and slept on the couch a couple of weeks. I am now back in my bedroom. It’s not easy. Some nights are more difficult than others. I spray a little of his cologne on my pillow, put on an eye mask (which I’ve always worn because I can’t sleep with any light), take a melatonin, wrap myself in his clothes and put on quiet rain sounds. They help quiet my brain. I still wake up in the middle of the night a few times, but I find it helps me fall asleep at least. I hope you and everyone else can find some peace tonight and get a little sleep. Keeping you all in my thoughts.