I lost my brother/Best friend to suicide.

[Androider]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm sorry to share this but this forum seems like it can help in some ways. I lost my brother exactly 3 months ago and I've copied with it every day since somehow, not without tears or thoughts.

 

I'm there for my mother as much as I can be although I have a family of my own. My brother was everything to me, he was my best friend and the person if turn to in times of need.

 

We worked together every day, we gamed together every night and spend multiple hours on Minecraft or FIFA and talk. I loved him to bits.

 

Today the police delivered his suicide notes (since his death is being investigated, an inquest) and he took his own life by hanging himself. It's been fairly shocking and surreal is all I can say.

 

I've been drinking ever since and not working or keeping fit (gained 4 stone in weight since October 2021) and can't seem to pull myself out of this hole I've been dropped into.

 

Ive felt suicidal since his death and let myself go in many ways, I know it's selfish but I'm not thinking about myself or anyone else since he's died and it's bothering me. I'm not sure if this is normal but I had to ask. Sorry if I missed anything outz just missing my little brother he was only 32 years old.

[Chowder]

I lost my younger brother to substance abuse in December and I have felt the same way. It is hard to think about yourself or others during this time. I have tired to remember the good times and look for signs from him. I wish you the best. 

[Sheila Thomas]

I am very sorry you had to endure that kind of pain. I recently lost my little sister and brother, so I definitely understand your pain. No matter the circumstance, dealing with a loss is very traumatic. What helped me manage to find some peace is knowing that they are not actually dead. They just transitioned into a spirit. They graduated earth school and is now living in paradise eternity. I know you probably have questions in relation to your brother suicide. So this what you do, you do not, throw your life away. Your brother spirit is all around you and he's watching your every move. He wants you to go back to enjoying life. He is very much ok. Whatever was bothering him, is no longer a concern.. when we cry and beat ourselves up, it hurts them to see that. Pick yourself up, and pay attention to the signs he is sending you. Pray to God and ask him to send you a dream so that your brother can visit you. They visit us vividly in our dreams. When we sleep, our conscious mind kicks in, and it allows the spirit to telepathy us and talk to us. It worked for me and my family. It will for you. Praying for you, whoever you are. Suicide is not the answer. That's giving the enemy what he wants. Dont give the enemy that kind of glory over you! You are strong and you have purpose!!!

[Laceylove]

I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. I too, lost my brother to suicide in October. He was my older brother and I looked up to him even though he didn’t always make the best choices in life. He was really good at making bad decisions and I guess some of them were coming back to haunt him in addition to other things.He didn’t leave any suicide note and so we all are left trying to understand what happened and why he would do this. He left a 10 year  old daughter behind. I feel so many emotions with his loss especially because he didn’t really let on to us that he was struggling so much mentally. By the time we all figured it out something was going on, and were making a plan to go see what was up it was too late to act and we got the call that he was gone. Now we’re all left with guilt and unanswered questions. We expected his new wife to let us know if something wasn’t right but she didn’t and we feel like we let him down. I’m so upset that he was in such a dark place and didn’t reach out and  that he felt no other option but at the same time I’m disappointed that he set this example for us younger siblings and for his daughter. He was 48 and it is hard to believe that he made it so far in life and been through so much just to get discouraged and not be able to reach out for help from us or use any resources available. His texts to friends mention his failures in life but he had so much to be thankful for! He had struggled with alcohol and since his death I havent hardly even wanted to touch any alcohol because of its affect on his life. I feel like in his death it almost makes me stronger and more determined to get through any bullshit because I never want my family or friends to suffer the way we are now. The first couple months I could barely eat or sleep or even listen to music. But I’ve been talking to a counselor and doing mindful meditation at bedtime. Even though he ultimately couldn’t handle what life threw at him I feel like he would want me to be happy and press on and be strong for my son and live a full life and not dwell on his decision. Which is very hard. Sometimes looking at his pictures he looks so happy in his younger days but the more recent ones he looks so sad and I wonder how well we really knew him these last few years and how long he had been struggling. Ultimately I just miss him. I keep catching myself wanting to text him for a recipe or how to cook something and then it hits me that he’s really gone

[ChristieM79]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My brother took his life the same way in August of last year. One more month and it’ll be his one year death anniversary. He was my person. I loved him like I could never live anyone else, and it shattered me. I have never been the same. Wishing you some peace and comfort, though I do understand that feels impossible to come by. Sending love to you, and true understanding.