Very angry at my dad for dying due to thinking he knew more than his doctors, and unmanaged type 2 diabetes.

[888thDay]

Dad died two days ago due to thinking he knew more than his doctors, and unmanaged type 2 diabetes.

 

In the last few years, I have watched my father quickly decline due to the complications that come from this disease. He never wanted to take certain medications that he needed and never managed his BG. Last month EMS was called out to my parent's house 48 times. His blood sugar would range from 21-400. Last year when he was hospitalized, I told him, “If you keep this up, you are going to die.” His response? “Oh well.” Two days ago, my mom watched as my father was hooked up to tubes as the doctor performed CPR on him for 45 minutes before calling it. He was 56. At the time of death, he had a fever, pneumonia, low blood sugar, and kidney failure. A week before, he was asking for grandchildren. I'm angry he didn't take better care of himself and listen to the advice that was given to him, and I'm mad for him abandoning my mom because of his stubbornness.  I will never forgive his selfishness.

 

 

 

All my life, my dad has been sick. I remember, as a little girl at the age of 4, taking care of my dad when he had low blood sugar. We never did anything fun as a family or took vacations because my dad was always sick, and we were always poor. Only two memories stand out. All the other kids got to go outside and play with their dads, not me. School events? Nope, dad was too sick? Going out to eat? Dad was too sick. For years, my family would monitor him. As a teenager, I never hung out with friends because I was constantly worried about my dad. My mom and dad never did anything fun like go on dates, go for walks because he never wanted to. His diabetes was unmanaged. He was overweight, not active, and ate junk food regularly. He would never tell the doctor anything because he never wanted to. He always thought he knew more, and now he's dead. Leaving my mom all alone because he didn't listen. He didn't even get to tell my mom bye. His last days before he died, it was putting my mom through stress and hell, and now she's alone. I hate to hear my mother cry. I hate that she is alone. I hate my father for being so selfish and having “he-man” syndrome, that it killed him. I'm not going to the funeral at all. He obviously wanted to be in the ground anyway. I wish I had a new dad. Someone to keep my mom company. Someone who listens and wants to stay around for his family. Sometimes I dream of being born to a different dad. I pray every night that my mom will remarry someone better. My husband has been fabulous in supporting me because we expected he would die soon. But his father is two years younger than mine was, lost 50% of his heart, has one kidney, and not managing his diabetes, and it pisses me off. Someone tell me I'm not crazy for feeling the way that I do.

[reader]

Dear 888thday,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think your thoughts and feelings are normal and natural. I too felt angry with my dad. Wished so much he had cared more about himself and his family. I tried so hard to get him to stop smoking when I was a teenager but he never did. He paid a heavy price because the smoking lead to him having a minor heart attack and then mini strokes and a bigger stroke. Diabetes, high blood pressure, eye issues, problems with his teeth. He was grumpy. I tried so hard to do everything I could to make things right. He would never listen to me.

I blame myself. Why didn't he do more? Why wouldn't he listen to me? Thinking about staying around for his grandson. It's really hard looking back and wishing things could have turned out differently.

I know you're hurting right now. But I truly hope with more time you can forgive your dad. He was suffering too and probably couldn't see things as clearly as he should. I'm sure he never wanted to cause you this much pain.

Take your time. Day by day. I know I was angry for two years after my dad passed, but over time the intensity will lessen.

Thinking of you.