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Good-bye Dad It is What it Is.


YQpidLuvsYou

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It started June 20, 2021. I was home for the holiday, and to get some work done around my parents home. My dad was telling me in the days prior he was not feeling well. His breathing had become more labored than normal. Well being the daughter I am I asked are you wearing your CPAP at night. Daddy said he had not, with that knowledge at hand I said can you please try tonight and tell me how you feel, and to promise to call the doctors the next day. With much surprise he did call and make an appointment. His doctor didn't see anything wrong I told him to call that doctor back make another appointment which I would attend virtually. He did so, and we talked to the doctor together. He was going to try dad on a new medication for his breathing. 

Summer came and left swiftly. Almost as swiftly as he left me. I still wonder how........why......

Dad was hospitalized from July 15 until he passed on Sept 18. Ups and downs so much time.

I watched him die. Code Blue rang out at 150ish on the 17th. I literally watched him die. I begged my mom for them to stop CPR. I never seen anything like that in my life. It is burned into my memory. I feel like I died that day too. All my dreams were shattered. 

Recently I tested Covid positive and my grief has had ahold of the reigns. 

God bless my mom she has moved on with her life. I just wish I could too.

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Dear YQpidLuvsYou,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is very traumatic watching CPR being performed and seeing your dad passed. Please know there is no fixed timeline to grief. Losing a parent is not something to get over or move on from. We have to find some way to make sense of our loss and incorporate it into our life story. It's very hard and painful. My counsellor told me it takes on average 18 months for people to process their grief. And for others it will be much longer.

Be kind and gentle to yourself. It might help to talk to a grief counsellor, or join a support group or seek out additional supports online. I know these websites helped me.

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

What's Your Grief

Thinking of you.

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