Lost my Dad abruptly

[Hazelharts]

I've been working abroad for the last 5 years and make sure to visit my parents every year twice.

My father has and had a very special place in my life. He treated me like his little precious girl. He always told me that no matter where in life I am, or what ever trouble I'm going through, his doors are always open for me. So, he had my back and I knew that if anything goes wrong I can always take his shelter and be okay.

In 2020, I got engaged to my boyfriend and just after 9 days of my engagement, my father passed away very abruptly.

He was doing okay that morning and went for a day nap. But then he just didn't wake up after that. Doctors said he got a stroke.

I can never forget that day...I could never believe he would leave me so soon. He wished to plan my wedding day. I wanted him around. The worst part is that due to covid I couldn't travel back to my country to pay last respects before his cremation. So I didn't get to see him too.

Yes, it has been more than a year but I still feel the pain. I miss him badly everyday and specially on occasions and festivals. I feel like I have nobody to comfort me, no one who has my back. I lost most of my confidence because he was my cheerleader. I wish someone understood me better in my day to day life.

I can't wait to see him again but I'm not even sure if I'll still be able to. Life after him has turned upside down and even if I pretend to be happy for others, deep down it makes me more sad. This month I'm getting married but the whole idea of marriage is so vague without having my daddy by my side. I feel emptiness and numb thinking about the day.

Things are hard to put into words but In this forum I hope to find some friends who I can relate to and help ease this never ending despair.

[reader]

Dear Hazel,

I'm so sorry for the deep pain you are feeling. It's so hard to lose a beloved parent. There is no fixed timeline to grief and we all do the best we can to get through each day. I know it's especially hard not having your dad with you on your special day. I hope some of these suggestions will give you some comfort. Thinking of you.

https://www.brides.com/story/ways-to-honor-deceased-family-members-at-wedding

 

[Jen H]

Welcome.  Your relationship with your father was very special.  Of course your still heartbroken from this especially through your engagement, holidays, and soon to be wedding.  We never expect our parents to leave us so soon.  Their supposed to be around to see us start and expand our lives with marriage and grandkids, etc.  When they leave us too soon, it feels like there is always something missing in our lives that we still need and long for.  I totally understand as I lost both parents in my early thirties.  It's been 11 years and I still and will always feel the void no one else can ever replace.  You will never totally get over losing him.  You just learn to live with it.  Just don't ever forget that your dad loved you more than anything and would want you to go on with your life and find love and happiness.  Even though he won't be there physically at your wedding, I believe he will be there in spirit holding your hand and feeling so proud.  It might not be possible but maybe you can incorporate your dad some kind of way into your wedding.  Best wishes! 

[Hazelharts]

@reader Thank you for taking the time to read and give your suggestions. I will be carrying his honour in a memorial photo charm on the day of my wedding. 

I'm so glad to be part of this community and reading others stories makes me feel that I'm not alone in this pain. Thanks for your support!

 

@Jen H I can't imagine losing both my parents. I'd probably be devastated. You're so strong to be writing words of motivation to me!

That is very true.. I'm still learning to live with a void which is absolutely painful. Honestly I feel jealous of some of my friends who got their parents at times. It's hard to go on and even for moments trying to be happy without him. And yes, my dad still is a big part of my life and will always be. I'll be carrying a memorial photo charm of him on the day of my wedding.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read and write to me Although I'm in no position to say but much strength to you too!

[Jen H]

Thank you for responding.  I'm glad this place has helped you.  It has helped me tremondously as not only have I lost my parents, I lost the love of my life 3 1/2 months ago.  No one understands exactly how it feels unless they have been there so keep coming here to talk to other people as long as you feel you need to.  And yes totally I feel jealous at times seeing other people with their families and their mates going about their lives seemingly without a care in the world while I continue to suffer alone.  It's feels so unfair.  So many people don't appreciate having their family and friends I swear it drives me insane.   I also have questioned God sometimes " what have I ever done to deserve all this loss".  Life is hard and a mystery I guess.  Best wishes to your marriage! Hope you two have a wonderful life together! 

[Hazelharts]

@Jen HFirstly, Thank you for your wishes for my marriage!

But, Oh my gosh, that's a lot of loss to deal with. I'm really sorry, I feel lack of words. Warm hugs to you!

I could write more but I'm in a state of shock hearing you.

 

[Jen H]

Thank you.  I just try to take it day by day and appreciate whats still positive in my life.  It's been one hell of a struggle.  Please stay in touch and let me know how your wedding went!