Jump to content

Miss my dad ):


taurusgirl93

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my father has been gone. October 2nd will be a night that I will never forget. My mom was in the back room taking a nap and I was in my room listening to music. 15 minutes before everything happened I walked into the kitchen and got a pop. My dad was sitting on the couch and watching football. I even spoke to him and asked him what my mom was doing. Then I went back in my room. 15 minutes later my mom came in my room and said your dad is laying kinda funny on the couch. I walked out there and tried to wake him up. He wasnt responding to anything. I was calling his name and shaking him. So my mom called 911 and we had to lift him on the floor and I did cpr on him. It seemed like I did it for almost 10 minutes before the ems arrived. When they walked in they didnt even try to help him. All they did was look at me and my mom and say Im sorry but hes gone. We had no clue what happened to him so they had to do an autopsy. He had no previous medical records because he wouldnt go to the doctor. He seemed to be in good medical condition. But he had a massive heart attack. They also said its not the first time hes had a heart attack and he had severe coronary artery disease. I feel such guilt because what if I would have made him go to the doctor. He could have been ok. I cant even listen to music anymore because I was listening to it while he was out there dying. If only I had been out there with him. There are so many what ifs. Im only 18, Im not supposed to lose my dad this early ): He will never get to meet my 1st official boyfriend, wont get to walk me down the aisle, or meet my kids. Its such a big adjustment I have to make. It made me realize how much I depended on him. I have to get a job and support my mom. There is so much that he provided for this family. Without him it all feels empty. I feel lonely sometimes. He was a foster child, he never met his biological family. All he and I had was my moms family. Im my dads only known blood left. Its so hard. Especially when all the arangements were put on my shoulders because im the next of kin. Not that I dont want to be responsible. Its just a lot to take in. Within 5 minutes of them taking his body they wanted to know what funeral home I wanted him to go to. Its not something Ive thought about. It was so hard to make the decision to have him cremated because I know thats not what he would have wanted. He didnt have a will but I know my father. Its tough though when you dont have money. It was the only option. Ive never really had anything to do with his foster family because after he turned 18 he went out on his own. I know hed understand we didnt have any money. He always used to tell me stories about them though. So I contacted them and we had a nice memorial service.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Brooke, I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious dad. It is so painful to lose a parent, especially it would seem when you yourself are so young. I am years older than you and still miss having my mom to guide me and be there for all the special occasions in my life and that of my kids. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have lost her at 18. It sounds like your dad had advanced heart disease and there little if anything you could have done to have changed what happened. You gave him CPR and did everything that you could have been done. I am sorry that all of the arrangements are falling on your shoulders. That sounds like to much to ask of you right now. Can your mom help? If not, just know that the fact you are handling all of this at your age, by yourself, after such a major loss is amazing. I believe your dad is safe in heaven and would not want you to worry for one minute over whether his body he no longer needs is cremated or not. As a parent I know all I would want was for my children on earth to feel my love and protection even if I couldn't be there to personally provide it. Please be gentle and kind with yourself. You have suffered a major shock and your world has been turned upside down. I find talking about it helps. I have found people here who are willing to listen and understand the difficult path that grief and loss takes us on. As you said it is quite an adjustment. I hope your mom can provide some comfort to you, although it sounds like she is leaning on your right now. Sometimes when everyone is hurting it is hard to be there for each other. That being said you need support. Please feel free to share your thoughts, feeling and story here. People here know your pain and understand. Take care and I'll keep you in my prayers. Hugs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you. Talking about it does seem to help for me. At first I bottled everything up but when you do that the pressure builds up. Ive never heard of this site before but it feels good to get it off my chest and that there are others who know what Im going through. My mom can help but she doesnt have a say in anything. It makes me feel bad. She was with my dad for 27 years but they never got married. Since they werent legally married the officials said she wasnt legally authorized for anything. Everything of his went to me. But I know that is not right at all to my family. I have 2 brothers and even though my dad isnt their real father he raised them and they seen him as a dad. They are both much older than me but I had to put everything of his in my name. After it all gets straightened out I will see to it that everything gets equally divided in my family. But my point was I know its hurting my mom so much that they act like she doesnt exist because of the simple fact of them not being married. This past week ive had to sign me and my dads name so much its tiring. But I know ill get through it and learn to appreciate things alot more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Brooke,

So glad to hear you have your mom's support. You will need that. Sorry for the situation which has your mom excluded from all of these important things and everything resting on your shoulders. I know it must make it very difficult for you both. Seems so unfair...no-one needs things like this when coping with a major loss. I'm glad talking helps. I know that is true for me. It effects everything from my energy level to my tolerance for frustration to my health if I don't get stuff out. I still miss my mom but have good days and bad days. For months after the initial sadness and shock of her actually being gone I thought I was fine. Then a month and a half a ago it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes the process of grief doesn't always go in a straight line. I have some other things going on in my life that are stressful that are probably contributing to it as well. My mom was a big source of support to me. Of course I didn't realize how big until she was gone. Take good care of yourself. Make sure with all the activity right now that you sleep enough eat and take time to share your feelings. Your grief my come and go for a bit. Enjoy whatever happy moments you are able to have. Don't feel guilty for having them. Your dad would want your to be happy and okay. I feel that I am finally accepting the fact that my mom is gone. Not totally there but getting closer. Take care feel free to share whenever it helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my father has been gone. October 2nd will be a night that I will never forget. My mom was in the back room taking a nap and I was in my room listening to music. 15 minutes before everything happened I walked into the kitchen and got a pop. My dad was sitting on the couch and watching football. I even spoke to him and asked him what my mom was doing. Then I went back in my room. 15 minutes later my mom came in my room and said your dad is laying kinda funny on the couch. I walked out there and tried to wake him up. He wasnt responding to anything. I was calling his name and shaking him. So my mom called 911 and we had to lift him on the floor and I did cpr on him. It seemed like I did it for almost 10 minutes before the ems arrived. When they walked in they didnt even try to help him. All they did was look at me and my mom and say Im sorry but hes gone. We had no clue what happened to him so they had to do an autopsy. He had no previous medical records because he wouldnt go to the doctor. He seemed to be in good medical condition. But he had a massive heart attack. They also said its not the first time hes had a heart attack and he had severe coronary artery disease. I feel such guilt because what if I would have made him go to the doctor. He could have been ok. I cant even listen to music anymore because I was listening to it while he was out there dying. If only I had been out there with him. There are so many what ifs. Im only 18, Im not supposed to lose my dad this early ): He will never get to meet my 1st official boyfriend, wont get to walk me down the aisle, or meet my kids. Its such a big adjustment I have to make. It made me realize how much I depended on him. I have to get a job and support my mom. There is so much that he provided for this family. Without him it all feels empty. I feel lonely sometimes. He was a foster child, he never met his biological family. All he and I had was my moms family. Im my dads only known blood left. Its so hard. Especially when all the arangements were put on my shoulders because im the next of kin. Not that I dont want to be responsible. Its just a lot to take in. Within 5 minutes of them taking his body they wanted to know what funeral home I wanted him to go to. Its not something Ive thought about. It was so hard to make the decision to have him cremated because I know thats not what he would have wanted. He didnt have a will but I know my father. Its tough though when you dont have money. It was the only option. Ive never really had anything to do with his foster family because after he turned 18 he went out on his own. I know hed understand we didnt have any money. He always used to tell me stories about them though. So I contacted them and we had a nice memorial service.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my father has been gone. October 2nd will be a night that I will never forget. My mom was in the back room taking a nap and I was in my room listening to music. 15 minutes before everything happened I walked into the kitchen and got a pop. My dad was sitting on the couch and watching football. I even spoke to him and asked him what my mom was doing. Then I went back in my room. 15 minutes later my mom came in my room and said your dad is laying kinda funny on the couch. I walked out there and tried to wake him up. He wasnt responding to anything. I was calling his name and shaking him. So my mom called 911 and we had to lift him on the floor and I did cpr on him. It seemed like I did it for almost 10 minutes before the ems arrived. When they walked in they didnt even try to help him. All they did was look at me and my mom and say Im sorry but hes gone. We had no clue what happened to him so they had to do an autopsy. He had no previous medical records because he wouldnt go to the doctor. He seemed to be in good medical condition. But he had a massive heart attack. They also said its not the first time hes had a heart attack and he had severe coronary artery disease. I feel such guilt because what if I would have made him go to the doctor. He could have been ok. I cant even listen to music anymore because I was listening to it while he was out there dying. If only I had been out there with him. There are so many what ifs. Im only 18, Im not supposed to lose my dad this early ): He will never get to meet my 1st official boyfriend, wont get to walk me down the aisle, or meet my kids. Its such a big adjustment I have to make. It made me realize how much I depended on him. I have to get a job and support my mom. There is so much that he provided for this family. Without him it all feels empty. I feel lonely sometimes. He was a foster child, he never met his biological family. All he and I had was my moms family. Im my dads only known blood left. Its so hard. Especially when all the arangements were put on my shoulders because im the next of kin. Not that I dont want to be responsible. Its just a lot to take in. Within 5 minutes of them taking his body they wanted to know what funeral home I wanted him to go to. Its not something Ive thought about. It was so hard to make the decision to have him cremated because I know thats not what he would have wanted. He didnt have a will but I know my father. Its tough though when you dont have money. It was the only option. Ive never really had anything to do with his foster family because after he turned 18 he went out on his own. I know hed understand we didnt have any money. He always used to tell me stories about them though. So I contacted them and we had a nice memorial service.

I am so sorry for your loss hon! My father passed away on the 2nd as well. ): It is difficult even for me being 36! Can't imagine losing a parent at just 18. Thank you for having the courage to post your story. I know it helped me to do the same. Take care!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.