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Im shattered

Pup mama

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 In nov i had to put my best friend to rest. He was my familiar, a german shepherd named Goobert. I loved this dog as a child. He had blood vessal cancer. The vet said it would be best to just put him down but i took my baby home and gave him vitamins and supplements safe for dogs. Raw liver and top grade food. I talked with him and told him he needed to tell me when enough was enough. We had a wonderful last month together. He played and we went for walks. Then one morning i woke up in a puddle of blood. My bedroom looked like a massacre took place. I looked at my friend and he looked away. I went to get his pills ready and he weakly walked to me. He said he was done. I then began the process that shattered my heart but i knew he was done. 

Since then we see him every so often but yesterday i was doing my tarot cards and thinking of him. He always drew cards with me and was so accurate. Anyway i could feel him next to me guiding my hand. The cards we chose said he wanted to be released and was sending the Goddess to me for the strength i would need to do it. All that night i saw him bounding around the house. I know i have to release him but im not ready at this time. 

I cry every day when i think about him, i cant talk about him without crying. Im so sad all the time. It was suggested i get another dog. I found one at a shelter that looks like him only much smaller. My new little girl is as different as night and day. Shes a sweetheart and i do love her but all i want is him. I dont know how to get control over this grief. I love(d) him so totally.

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