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Needing a friend who understands


paradox

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Lost my dad back in February of 2020 to kidney and liver failure, although I have a therapist and his help is greatly appreciated, I feel as though I need someone who isn't specifically medical, a person that just understands loss and can help me through this. If you're willing to help me, I'd appreciate a message so we can talk some more. Thanks in advance

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Dear Paradox,

I hear where you are coming from. I was also going to suggest a grief support group in the community or through church. I also found these websites helpful

Grief in Common

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

Please know you can always posts here.

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I recently lost my mom. I didn't think anything could hurt this badly. I am trying to find strength in knowing she is with God but then there is me on earth without her. I feel so selfish but I want my mom. I am so sorry for your loss. I have to say when someone that hasn't gone through the same thing says I understand, it is not even close to being true. I am extremely fresh on grieving but I'm also looking for a friend.

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I am sorry for your losses. I too lost my father in December 2021 to a very aggressive and rare cancer. I knew death was looming around, but it still didn't shock me any less. It hurts... and it has isolated me and I am looking for someone to talk to as well. Someone who understands.

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Me too, 

I lost my mum 8 weeks ago. No one asks how I am anymore, no one contacts me, no one understand how devastated I am. I feel so alone. I keep thinking of the saying, “laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone”.  I feel for you Chanel, I know how lost you feel 

 


 

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I have read a lot about how people care for a little bit but then they move on but you don't. I hate hearing how I will never be the same and have to find a new norm. It is so tough to not be able to have anyone fully understand. My husband tries and something he said hit me. No one will ever understand because no one had my exact relationship with my mom because I am only me and she was only her. I hope to eventually come to understand that we did have a special relationship. I am sorry for your loss as well.

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I know what you mean Chanel. I still cry everyday. I’m not sleeping. I’m drinking more than I normally would, to numb myself. I’m not socialising. I really understand what you’re saying. We miss our mums. Mother’s are so special. I feel for your loss. They are irreplaceable. Xx

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I do agree they are irreplaceable but don't lose yourself. Take one step at a time. Remember there are others that feel the excruciating pain so you are not even close to alone. And when I say take a step at a time, try having a friend over or step out to get something done for you.i have to be honest, I feel like my mom would want me to be sad for a bit, I know that sounds horrible but she was sort of like that but not like inna horrible way. But I know she wouldn't want me to give up. And your mom wouldn't either. Do you happen to believe in God? Please take my words as a caring friend that wants to see you flourish. I know so much easier to say to someone else than act like that but I do believe we have to try eventually. I am just so sorry this has been so rough. I wish none of us had to go through this. Please keep talking though. I know eventually something will click for us to finally feel like we can breathe. 

 

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I do believe in god,  but it doesn’t help my pain. I am trying, and I hope we can all learn to breathe again eventually.  Thankyou Chanell, it’s hard to talk much on a public forum. But I wish you healing. 

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KimberlyChrist

Hi , I know how you both feel . my mom died on Thanksgiving 2021 in an icu . She was my best friend and I was her last child and caregiver. We were best friends all our lives .
I have been watching life after death experiences on YouTube which has helped me understand how happy she is now

 

but I am haunted by the pain she was put thru in the nursing home and hospital. keep reliving those awful events and her tears .
I’ve been feeling like life has no meaning or goals anymore without her and smoking cigarettes way too much which she wanted be to quit .  Real trouble sleeping and even eating . Feel little joy . I just feel like the world is so cruel , I don’t understand how I can stay in this world another 10-30 years without her . 
Thanks to you both for sharing 

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I said the same thing about how do I stay in this world for that many years without her. I am very sorry for your loss. It does help to know you are not alone but it still is a journey. I haven't been to my parents house yet because I'm not ready. I know I will fall apart and part of me feels like I won't come back...I just keep trying to lean on my faith and figure out how to live life until I see her again. 

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I ask myself all the time: I am only 32, how am I supposed to spend the rest of my life without my father? All of the milestones that await me are already tainted and I know they will feel bittersweet. I had another episode of sobbing and tears a few nights ago, and it felt so good to let it out and to allow myself to be comforted by my partner. What I am trying to say is that maybe it can be cathartic to fall apart @Chanell. For weeks I felt like I had to keep it together and be strong for the rest of my siblings and my mother, but it did nothing to help me. Sometimes we have to stick up for ourselves too, even if it means to have a good cry.

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I empathise with you all. Now I feel very alone as it’s been several weeks and nobody wants to know anymore. I got the “if there’s anything I can do” messages. But now I cry alone at night. All I hold onto is that years ago, I lost my daughter. At the time I said I can never get over this, I can’t go on. Yet I did.
 

We should support each other through losing our mother or father, . I was my mother’s carer too, so now I don’t know what I am, or what I should do. 

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Ya I just had a major meltdown over my manager at work asking for proo for my time off. It has only been a week and a day. I felt so hurt and couldn't believe how callous. I want my mom!!! My gosh...I just don't understand life sometimes. 

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I am so sorry for of your loss and my heart goes out to all of you. It just doesn't seem fair that we could love something so much and have it fall away just into absolute oblivion. How is it possible that you can have something so tangible and wonderful in your life and the next minute you are supposed to find a new normal after it has been quite easily removed from the equation? I must admit that reading your messages makes me feel more normal. We can become so lonely and isolated in our grief. Like you have stated in the chats, people generally mourn with you for a short while and move on, expecting you to move on as well. However grief is so absolutely unpredictable, particularly when you are a sentimental person, the one minute you can look at photos and smile and the next minute, their chair or even just a song just crumbles your very being. And unfortunately most people just do not understand this. I lost my father in April 2021 to cancer. He was 66 at the time and I was 26. When I say that we were doppelgangers, it is an understatement. We had a treasure trove of memories together, including many many fights but also the sweetest and most enduring moments. But even now, 9 or so months down the line, the very fibre of my being aches for him. People, even my partner, do not fully comprehend this and cannot understand this if they have not gone through it. Not only that, if you are the only sentimental one in the family, you can honestly be made to feel crazy after a while. I am sure you are familiar with the statements: "it's time to move on", "stop thinking about it (the memory), it will just make you sad", "you need to let him go", "you are making yourself sick", "you are too sentimental", "I think you need to speak to a professional" . Heck yeah, I am sentimental when all I have left are some of his possessions that supposed to carry me through the next 60 odd (God allowing) years of my life. And yes, I just need someone to listen and not always feel they need to offer advice!! And double yes, he was my best friend and confidante, so 9 months are definitely not enough! So to bring it back to my initial statement, it is comforting to know that we are not alone in our grief. We may not know eachother, however, in some way, those dark corners of our hearts and minds that we visit and where we immerse ourselves in the memories and the realisation, don't seem so lonely (and so crazy) as there are others just like us, visiting their own corners at the same time. Because inevitably we do visit those places often, either voluntarily when we feel we need to connect with them somehow or involuntarily when something catches our attention and their image pops into our minds. Just typing this has made me feel better, so thank you for enabling me to do so. Hopefully my words have made you feel a little bit less lonely as well. Much strength to you. 

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On 1/11/2022 at 1:20 AM, EmmaO21 said:

I ask myself all the time: I am only 32, how am I supposed to spend the rest of my life without my father?

While I'm not that young, that is the question I repeatedly ask myself. I can't fathom another year, let alone, 10, 20, 30 years without my Mom. It just seems unfathomable.

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On 1/10/2022 at 7:28 PM, KimberlyChrist said:

but I am haunted by the pain she was put thru in the nursing home and hospital. keep reliving those awful events and her tears .

Today I had a flashback to a very brief Skype session in which I saw Mom being yelled at and shaken by one of the nursing home staff.  My thoughts of what she must have been subjected to (in unknown, unknowable detail) during the 3 months I wasn't allowed to see her, and how afraid and confused she must have been without me for so long, are indelible, brutal, lifelong horrors.  

7 hours ago, ESM said:

I can't fathom another year, let alone, 10, 20, 30 years without my Mom. It just seems unfathomable.

Time has dragged agonizingly slowly since 7/17/21 (our last day together).  I'll check my Mom's watch and say "It's only been 20 minutes since I last looked? Seemed more like an hour".  A single miserable day feels like 2 or 3.  Unavoidable social occasions, watching people laughing and enjoying the company of their loved ones, seem eternal and make me panicky and livid with envy and despair.  And any kind of pressure situation causes a dread and hatred of life and the world that I would never have if Mom were with me.  Those things either wouldn't happen at all because I was her caregiver at home, or at worst they'd merely be chores to finish so we could relax afterwards. Now they are lonely, unrelieved horrors and the future is filled with them, a very bleak prospect..                             

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9 hours ago, Jacqie94 said:

if you are the only sentimental one in the family, you can honestly be made to feel crazy after a while. I am sure you are familiar with the statements: "it's time to move on", "stop thinking about it (the memory), it will just make you sad", "you need to let him go", "you are making yourself sick", "you are too sentimental", "I think you need to speak to a professional"

Very comprehensive list.  I have cringed and/or gotten angry from all of these remarks in the almost 6 horrible months since losing my mom.  I try to explain to people that Mom and I were inseparable for 60 years and that I have no SO, children, siblings, close family, or close friends, but it doesn't seem to make much of an impression and so the platitudes just keep coming.  So does the frightening unspoken assumption that you'll just have to go on and deal with it.  Maybe I can't.  Maybe the upheaval was just too much (8 1/2 months of hospital / nursing home horrors and separation) and the loss too unbearable after all those years together. 

To make it even more difficult, some of us are quiet, withdrawn, introverted, uncomfortable with the noisy, hectic, intimidating, aggressive world, and can find no solace there.  Our sole refuge is found with our mothers or fathers.  People should try harder to appreciate the panic and horror a shy person like myself would feel upon finding himself alone in the world after the most devastating loss possible in his life has occurred, something so painful that only the person no longer there could alleviate it.  I've spent 9 out of the last 14 months frantically pacing the floors talking to myself in the horrendously empty house which used to be our home, while those making all of the above remarks get to go home to the comfort and consolation of being with their loved ones when they've finished 'advising' me.  It's really an endless 24/7 nightmare from hell that gets worse every minute and is taking an extreme toll on my mind and body (can hardly sleep and barely eat, nearly hysterical all the time).  The ever-increasing fear and panic are the worst of all, especially after dreaming about Mom and waking up with a shock in the unimaginably lonely, unhinging mornings.  I feel more and more each day that I don't belong here and don't want to be here anymore. 

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I understand ADM. you are lost, afraid, grieving and lonely. Can you see your doctor? There are medications that can make you less anxious. I’m not in USA so what I take may not be available there. 
 

I agree with you that quiet, introverted people must find bereavement harder. Sometimes you have to fight to get things done, and if you’re shy, you don’t have the fight in you. 
 

Write on here how you’re feeling each day. Perhaps writing it and getting responses, would help you. I always feel that bereaved people who need it, should be given help to sort through all the paperwork, and arrangements, and then be given support for as long as you need it. Not just left alone to cope. 
 

I lost my mum, my best friend, I miss our chats, our hugs. So I empathise with you. I’d love to give you a big hug, hold your hand, and let you pour your heart out. Bless you and may you find a step forward, out of the nightmare you are in. Xxxx

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On 1/14/2022 at 6:05 AM, adb said:

I lost my mum, my best friend, I miss our chats, our hugs. So I empathize with you. I’d love to give you a big hug, hold your hand, and let you pour your heart out. Bless you and may you find a step forward, out of the nightmare you are in. Xxxx

Thank you very much for your very kind words and thoughts.  I can feel how they truly come from the heart as Mom was my best friend as well.

Mom was Secretary / Office Manager for 25 years for the church we attended since 1987 (Dad was with us until we lost him very suddenly and shockingly in 2000).  They put me on staff as Assistant to the Director of Music, so Mom and I were coworkers until she retired in 2012.  A new Director was hired in 2000 and the three of us worked together out of the office and remained very good friends (more like family) for the next 21 years.  Mom was always right there in the front pew listening to our music and encouraging us until she could no longer leave home and I became her caregiver. 

Our nightmare began on 11/7/20 when she went to the ER with trouble breathing and had a cardiac arrest which put her in the ICU on a ventilator for 38 days, and then into a nursing home for another 5 weeks.  I didn't see her for the better part of 3 months (very brutal for someone with a lifelong separation anxiety, plus thinking about how bad it must have been for her as well) and was told she would never get off the ventilator and be able to come home.  But a nurse at the hospital where she was sent for a blood transfusion forgot to put the ventilator on and Mom breathed on her own.  She was able to come home on 2/10 and we had another 5 months together (it seemed more like 5 weeks).  I lost her on 7/17/21 and have been pacing the floors alone since.

On 1/6/22 our coworker and very close friend (the Music Minister) passed on from Covid.  Tomorrow morning I have to play for her Memorial Service and I dread facing it without Mom being there to support me after 33 years of our going to church together.  I feel obligated to help them but the heartbreak and stress of going back there without Mom (plus leaving from / returning to the empty house) has me in a real panic (I have no doctor right now).  The musical selections are naturally very sad and heartbreaking (even under normal conditions) so it's going to be difficult to get through.  It's also hurtful to be around people with families, and while I'm not losing my faith it's hard to listen to the liturgy and preaching.  There is just too much pain from Mom's absence and all the horrors she went through, especially with the tracheostomy and feeding tube, which she hated (we loved our meals and dining out. She was hungry and wanted desperately to eat and drink but couldn't).  Sorry I've gone on for so long and thanks again for the kind words.  I hope you are doing better than I am.                          

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No wonder you feel lost.ADM. That’s two losses you’ve had. I’m coping, just. But I have a husband to talk too. Without him, I would be on my own as no one else wants to know. 

please continue to post on here. Let your feelings out. It was good to hear about your mom and her work. How did the memorial service go? Xx

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9 hours ago, adb said:

But I have a husband to talk too. Without him, I would be on my own as no one else wants to know. 
 

That's it exactly.  It's been nearly 6 months and they must be thinking I should be over it or at least improving by now (I can sense the impatience, the 'move ahead, move on').  But the truth is that my loneliness, despair, and hopeless anxiety only get worse with time.  I feel like saying check with me again in 60 years. 

It reminds me of the time (early 80's, no cell phone) that I got locked in a stairway alone in NYC at night (I'm claustrophobic and can't take elevators).  I didn't think to prop open the door and sure enough it locked behind me, starting a panic which kept skyrocketing as I ran up and down the stairs only to find door after door locked.  I finally reached an emergency exit, but that wouldn't open either.  By then I was completely hysterical and kept throwing myself at the hinged bar until the door opened on the 3rd or 4th attempt (if it hadn't I might not be here now).  The trapped part is how I have felt for most of the last 14 months (and all of the last 6 alone in the house).  If only I could find an emergency door to crash through again.     

9 hours ago, adb said:

How did the memorial service go?

Got through it; it went smoothly enough, but was very difficult and oppressive (more 'you've got to move ahead' - yes, I know, to more solitary hell),  So was the lunch afterwards - it's unbearable to be around people laughing and joking and talking about their upcoming vacations.  And of course the heartbreaking musical numbers have stayed in my mind.  Going back to the empty house dreading the upcoming night was the worst of all, because I have to return tomorrow morning to what now feels like a frightening alien world in order to repeat the pattern.  Attending church used to be enjoyable for us, a respite, a highlight of our week, with Sunday Brunch out and a ride afterwards. 

I've heard from many people who downplay the loss of an aged parent, even to an adult child with no one else.  At least those here can appreciate how devastating the separation is, and that passing time and our parent's age don't lessen the great pain at all but rather increase it.  I can feel their anguish leaping off the page.  Lately I've been getting more of those sudden, traumatic shocks to the heart and gut which come when painful details of Mom's long ordeal (and there were very many) surface seemingly out of nowhere,  Now the dreaded night and even worse morning are coming and I'm again looking to the skies for some kind of miraculous escape.  Thanks for responding and reading.                      

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3 hours ago, ADM925 said:

It reminds me of the time (early 80's, no cell phone) that I got locked in a stairway alone in NYC at night (I'm claustrophobic and can't take elevators).

The more I read of your posts the more I realize just how much your situation reflects my own. I too, have come to the point where I can no longer take elevators. My mom was dreadfully afraid of elevators and for most of my life it did bother me but I was able to cope with it. Lately though I simply cannot go in an elevator.

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my covid booster shot. Although it might sound odd, I had never gone to the doctor without my mom accompanying me. Every time she would go to the doctor I would take a ride with her, and every time I had a doctor's appointment she would always volunteer to take a ride over with me.

Sitting in the waiting room without my mom beside me I actually had to make a concerted effort to not allow people to see the fact that I was shaking a bit. I also had to fight back the urge to cry. It was the most bizarre feeling. I was in the waiting room, sitting in the chair, occupying space, yet feeling like I was in some hellish limbo, like I really wasn't there, or shouldn't actually be there.

The whole experience of going to and coming home from the doctor felt surreal, like the laws of nature should prevent something like this from happening. I mean, everyone knows that when I go to the doctor, my mom is supposed to be accompanying me, sitting right beside me in the waiting room, and be with me when I enter the door into my home. The fact that she was not there felt as if some sacred law of physics was being violated.

Moreover, as was the case with my last two shots I feel like I have the flu and probably will feel this way for the next day or so. It's nothing all that bad, but it did bring up to me the fact that any time in my life I've ever felt ill with something like the flu my mom would always be right there. Telling me to go to the doctor, or telling me what to eat, or what to drink, asking me if I need anything. And yet here I was feeling like I have the flu and her presence was nowhere. Again, the sense of being alone, isolated, without that singular comforting presence in your life being there to provide you with some comfort just felt nothing short of crushing.

Well, I've rambled long enough. I hope everyone who is experiencing any pain on this board to somehow find the impetus to carry on and to find solace in something. Try to be well everyone. Thanks for listening to me.

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1 hour ago, ESM said:

Sitting in the waiting room without my mom beside me I actually had to make a concerted effort to not allow people to see the fact that I was shaking a bit. I also had to fight back the urge to cry. It was the most bizarre feeling. I was in the waiting room, sitting in the chair, occupying space, yet feeling like I was in some hellish limbo, like I really wasn't there, or shouldn't actually be there.

The whole experience of going to and coming home from the doctor felt surreal, like the laws of nature should prevent something like this from happening. I mean, everyone knows that when I go to the doctor, my mom is supposed to be accompanying me, sitting right beside me in the waiting room, and be with me when I enter the door into my home. The fact that she was not there felt as if some sacred law of physics was being violated.

Your experience with the doctor visit is uncannily similar to my (unavoidable) return yesterday to the church Mom and I attended for 33 years.  I couldn't describe it in any better detail.  I felt almost outside of myself, observing, disdainful and resentful of this twisted parody of what was normal and right for so long, and it was unnerving and unnatural in the extreme.  I now have to repeat the whole miserable process in a mere 8 hours, but my anticipatory nerves and dread of trying to sleep find me here instead.  

1 hour ago, ESM said:

it did bring up to me the fact that any time in my life I've ever felt ill with something like the flu my mom would always be right there. Telling me to go to the doctor, or telling me what to eat, or what to drink, asking me if I need anything. And yet here I was feeling like I have the flu and her presence was nowhere. Again, the sense of being alone, isolated, without that singular comforting presence in your life being there to provide you with some comfort just felt nothing short of crushing.

I suffered from very debilitating vertigo for years - nausea, vomiting, unable to move and barely able to breathe for 6 hours or more (as many as 18).  Mom was with me and helped me through every excruciating moment of those many terrible, frightening episodes.  I now have a permanent, paralyzing dread of the vertigo horror (or any other illness) happening to me alone in the empty house.       

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KimberlyChrist

Hi , I am also still having flashbacks of my mother’s painful last days in the icu and nursing home that fill me with anger and depression especially because she was such a sweet sweet person who did not deserve the horrific medical treatment/ abuse that she got in her last days . I took care of her for 16 years snd saved her life at least five different times from medical neglect and malpractice but in the last few days was unable to save her . 
I did find very powerful attorneys who are going to sue on her behalf but that doesn’t stop my angry feelings or depression. 
sorry to keep repeating myself but I am also dealing with suicide ideation snd currently hand covid so I am really alone with my thoughts . 

However I do want to tell you to go to YouTube and search for “near death experience interviews “ and watch a few .

There I found many comforting stories from people who suffered horrible accidents at all ages , died and went to heaven before returning to their broken bodies to finish this life . 
also if you watch the show Long Island Medium - you will find comfort knowing that your mom really is sitting next to you , really is watching you everyday and is hoping to help you through this life . It doesn’t totally take away my fear and anger and pain but it helps to hear . 
thanks again for sharing your pain - I totally get it - my mom was my best friend my whole life 

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1 hour ago, KimberlyChrist said:

I am also still having flashbacks of my mother’s painful last days in the icu and nursing home that fill me with anger and depression especially because she was such a sweet sweet person who did not deserve the horrific medical treatment/ abuse that she got in her last days

Mom hated the restraining mittens and fought the home nurses over them but at least I was with her.  My mind is obsessing over not seeing/knowing what she must have been subjected to in the nursing home for 5 weeks without seeing me.  One day they called to tell me they were discontinuing all of her physical therapy, which was very shocking and heartbreaking.  When I asked why the answer was "All she ever does is hit me with that thing."  

1 hour ago, KimberlyChrist said:

However I do want to tell you to go to YouTube and search for “near death experience interviews “ and watch a few .

I will try these after the ordeal of going back to church again Sunday is over.  It is not at all the great cure they assume it to be and it is very painful to play music without my mother there.  For some reason my anxiety has increased massively between 1/1 and the 6-month marker (1/17), and going there where everyone is laughing and joking is unbearable.  They are also tired of & annoyed at hearing me being honest about how bad I feel, but why should I lie?  If you don't want the truth then don't ask.  I could barely get out of bed the last 4 days because of the panic and the waves of despair that come over me 5 times in an hour and feel like they will be the end of me right then and there. 

1 hour ago, KimberlyChrist said:

sorry to keep repeating myself but I am also dealing with suicide ideation and currently hand covid so I am really alone with my thoughts . 

I am having darker thoughts and nightmares all the time as the agonizing separation lengthens, and also a paralyzing fear of becoming ill without my mother.  I hope all will be well with you in that area at least.  

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1 hour ago, ADM925 said:

I am having darker thoughts and nightmares all the time as the agonizing separation lengthens, and also a paralyzing fear of becoming ill without my mother. 

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. I know in my own case the last two days have been just unbearable. Maybe it has to do with the bleak weather, as where I live it's barely 10 degrees outside. But whatever the reason, the last two days and especially the last two nights, have been almost unbearable, the worst since my mom passed just a little over two months ago. For sustained periods of time I feel like I can't breathe.

Much like you preparing food has become an agonizing activity as I simply start to break down numerous times while I'm preparing the meal. I didn't think the all enveloping sense of hopelessness could possibly become greater, yet the last two days it has. Previously, at least for short periods of time, I had been able to distract myself with either house chores, or watching a TV show, or reading something. It wouldn't last very long but at least it's served as a fleeting moment of distraction from the horror. 

However, the last two days there has been no respite from the darkness. It's the reason why I'm on this board right now. I just can't stop the horrific thoughts from flowing through my brain like some sort of out-of-control a strobe light. I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I hope that everyone on this board somehow finds some way to feel at least a glimmer of hope soon.

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1 hour ago, ESM said:

I know in my own case the last two days have been just unbearable. Maybe it has to do with the bleak weather, as where I live it's barely 10 degrees outside.

I'm negatively affected by this as well, and the prospect of having to shovel snow (something I didn't mind in better days except for how it made Mom worry) is now a complete horror, as Mom's transfer from nursing home to hospital with pneumonia took place shortly before the massive snowstorm of 1/31/21, which hit our area very hard.  Some relatives had come to visit and I had to shovel out all the vehicles not knowing when or if I'd ever see my mother again, a miserable, almost surreal, hellish experience that I will flash-back to with every loathsome snowstorm from now on.

1 hour ago, ESM said:

I didn't think the all enveloping sense of hopelessness could possibly become greater, yet the last two days it has. Previously, at least for short periods of time, I had been able to distract myself with either house chores, or watching a TV show, or reading something. It wouldn't last very long but at least it's served as a fleeting moment of distraction from the horror. 

However, the last two days there has been no respite from the darkness. It's the reason why I'm on this board right now. I just can't stop the horrific thoughts from flowing through my brain like some sort of out-of-control a strobe light.

The forced return to the place of my/our previous employment - where Mom used to be watching and listening only a few feet away from me -  has made the nightmare much worse, and has not at all been the supposed "cure". ('keep busy, get out of the house') I've been so often told it would be.  If anything it has made the sense of hopelessness and the horrific thoughts about the hell my mother went through even greater, and the return to the empty house infinitely worse.  My intense fear of having to try to sleep before the sun comes up is also at a new high, as the empty, heartbroken, lonely, panicky days continue to accumulate unabated.          

   

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