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how do you let go after ten years?


wiccankitten

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wiccankitten

back in 2013, my then life partner of ten years woke up one morning and told me that she was no longer in love with me.  She was my life for that decade. I tried to pamper her every day of our lives together(foot massages when she got home from work, homecooked meals, staying up at night to make sure she got a time sensitive medication when it was time for it). i didn't do it bc i felt like it was collateral in our relationship, i did it bc she was just as good to me as i was to her, and bc she was also my best friend. she tried to say it wasn't anything i did,that it was her romantic feelings for me had died. i don't understand how someone could look at how great the past 10 yrs had been, and still want out. After our breakup, but before she left, she did something that puzzled me...she went to the hospital bc she was feeling suicidal. I stayed with her in the iso room they had her in while trying to find a hospital with bed space for her, and she said she couldn't believe I was sitting with her back there, bc we weren't together anymore. It broke my heart that she seemed to think I should care less about her w/in the span of 24 hrs just bc we were no longer romantically involved. Does anyone have any insight as to what could make a person question someone who chose to stand by them as a friend, just bc the romantic relationship ended?

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My only friend in the world is my first ex-wife. We were married 10 years, and she was best man at my 2nd wedding. We didn't part because we didn't love one another, even though the romantic part was gone a long time due to her schizophrenia. We parted because we had different life goals. So being friends and still caring was a big part of our transition. However that's the exception, not the norm.

When my wife left me while I was gone, I tried to arrange for her to keep the house and car until I got back or until she got a new one. That's because, no matter how much she hurt me, I can't stop loving someone overnight. She apparently could. What is normally happening in a breakup though. There is usually animosity, and even though I have animosity, I act one love because that is who I am. Who most people are though, are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling and bastard sprinkles. The end of a relationship is a time of both people lashing out. When you act with kindness to someone who hurt you, it confuses them. People can't understand not wanting to hurt someone who hurt you, because an eye for an eye is the norm.

When my first wife left, she ended up in the psych ward too for suicidal thoughts and schizophrenia. I took her in, sat with her while she waited for a bed, visited her, and then she was sent to an adult group home for people with nowhere to go until they could find her housing. I visited her nearly every day, and there was a sign in book. It was pages of just me. No one else visited these people. When people stop caring, they try and block everything out that can hurt them, and push you away for a fresh start, so you sitting there was abnormal to what is expected.

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60 and starting over
On 1/2/2022 at 4:08 PM, wiccankitten said:

back in 2013, my then life partner of ten years woke up one morning and told me that she was no longer in love with me.  She was my life for that decade. I tried to pamper her every day of our lives together(foot massages when she got home from work, homecooked meals, staying up at night to make sure she got a time sensitive medication when it was time for it). i didn't do it bc i felt like it was collateral in our relationship, i did it bc she was just as good to me as i was to her, and bc she was also my best friend. she tried to say it wasn't anything i did,that it was her romantic feelings for me had died. i don't understand how someone could look at how great the past 10 yrs had been, and still want out. After our breakup, but before she left, she did something that puzzled me...she went to the hospital bc she was feeling suicidal. I stayed with her in the iso room they had her in while trying to find a hospital with bed space for her, and she said she couldn't believe I was sitting with her back there, bc we weren't together anymore. It broke my heart that she seemed to think I should care less about her w/in the span of 24 hrs just bc we were no longer romantically involved. Does anyone have any insight as to what could make a person question someone who chose to stand by them as a friend, just bc the romantic relationship ended?

 

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60 and starting over

I’m sorry for your pain. Some people lack empathy, it was a very black and white decision. I experienced this after 8 years. He just decided he wanted out, found someone else, no fights , no explanation, his problem and he didn’t understand the devastation that he left behind. Now he wants to be friends and suggested I date around. Some people with certain personality disorders don’t feel the loss. I know how you feel. I still care too. 

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