New Years Eve Is Just Brutal

[ESM]

My mom passed just about seven weeks ago. Every day has been a nightmare since then. But while Thanksgiving and Christmas was imbued with the normal level of horror I have come to expect, the past two days building up to New Year's Eve, and obviously tonight which is actually New Year's Eve, have just been another level of Horror.

I'm not sure why New Year's is proving to be more horrific for me then was Thanksgiving or Christmas but it is.

I'm sitting here at approximately 11:30 p.m. knowing that as  a new year comes to pass my mom will not be in it. There will be no moment when I will greet her after 12 to wish her a happy New Year. And that simple fact has had me in a virtual panic almost the whole day, to the point where most of the day my legs actually feel like jello. I did not think that New Year's would affect me this badly.

I don't know if anyone else out there is being affected this intensely as a result of New Year's but it is absolutely devastating me. I don't have any broad sweeping point to this post, it's just that I have no one to talk to and the lack of my mom being here just led me to feel like getting some of my thoughts out there.

Anyway, to everyone on this board try to have a happy New Year and find some peace. I know that seems impossible to most, including myself, but I'll wish it to everyone nevertheless.

[JML]

Hi, I am new here.  I wanted to say how sorry I am that you are struggling so much today. I am struggling as well. I have not completely lost my mother yet but I am sitting by her bedside in the palliative care unit in a hospital as I type as I am staying with her overnight. I could not stop crying so I looked online for a forum and found this place. I am alone here because of COVID restrictions. Only 1 person allowed at a time. My mom was just placed here today. Prior to this she was struggling with severe heart disease and had been in hospital for over 3 weeks but there was hope she might return to her nursing home. Unfortunately yesterday she took a bad turn and refused a medication she needed which created a spiral. I am not in your shoes but I can tell you my heart is breaking even though I knew this day would come soon. She is such a good mother and my best friend. Life will definitely never be the same. I will miss her more than I can express. I miss her already as she is unconscious now and the last time I spoke to her yesterday she was incoherent,  too sick to be clear minded. I can hug her but she can't hug me back. So I feel your pain and I want you to know you are not alone out here.

[Kevin Schappert]

My mom passed in June.  First Christmas holiday without her.  Has been tough.  Feeling regret for attitudes toward her.  My consolation is that I cared for her the last few years and feel I bonded with her much more strongly.

Still last few days have been rough.

[Kathb]

I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad time and know what you are feeling. My mum and last family member (I don’t really have any close friends etc) died on 11th December 2021 so just two weeks before Christmas. She used to love Christmas and always made a big thing of it, which I think was partly due to it being my Birthday on 26th December. So I’ve found it so hard seeing in Christmas and New Year in the house on my own without her.  I miss her so much as she was my everything and everything seems so pointless now without her. 
 

Let’s hope this nightmare eases for us.

Kath
 

 

[ESM]

 Thanks for all the responses everyone. Try to be well.