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I feel so lost...


Nevermind

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I lost my handsome son, Richard, to Leukemia on November 2, 2021 and am finding it incredibly difficult to navigate this grief.   I lost my husband on June 12, 2008 from Leukemia as well but this loss is so much worse in so many ways.   I have a daughter but she is living in Utah and had been estranged from her brother for some time.   After their father dies, chaos followed and I found out just how horrible people can be when you are vulnerable.    I am fortunate to work but we close down for the holidays and now I just fumble about in an apartment that reeks of Richard in every corner.   I live with my daughter-in-law and while that is helpful in some ways, it is also contributing to this lost feeling.   Some of her family members played a role in the estrangement and chaos after my husband died and in many ways, you would believe that Richard had been their son.   I just know that I need to get out and yet there is a part of me that doesn't want to leave here because all my memories with him at the end are here.   I watched both him and his father die and his death has fundamentally changed me.  I am just having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

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Valerie Lockhart

Dear Grace,

I'm so sorry for the loss of both your husband and son. I've found reading the Bible to be a great source of comfort during the loss of several of my loved ones. The Bible says: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) Prayer to God is not some sort of emotional crutch. It is real and vital communication with “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.”—2 Corinthians 1:3, 4. God’s Word, the Bible, provides the greatest comfort of all. The Christian apostle Paul stated: “I have hope toward God . . . that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Acts 24:15) Thinking about the Bible-based hope of a resurrection can be the greatest comfort while grieving the loss of a loved one.* You might also try to recall happy memories of the times you shared with your loved one, perhaps by looking at photos. True, remembering those times might be painful at first. In time, though, these memories may help you to heal rather than cause you to hurt. You might even try keeping a journal. In it you could write about your pleasant memories and even include the things you wish you could have said to your loved one while he or she was still alive. It may be easier for you to put your feelings into perspective when you see them on paper. Writing might also provide you with a healthful outlet for your emotions. Perhaps, you can write a letter to your daughter pouring out your heart. She might have a change of heart and might reach out to you with any guilty feelings she has about her brother. Even if your problems persist, God can give you the courage and strength to endure. (1 Corinthians 10:13) The Bible also promises that the time will come when our problems will be resolved permanently!

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I appreciate the thought but I find that religion is a very personal choice.   Your experience with religion is not mine and while I am so very happy that you find solace in the bible, please know that it does not provide the same for everyone.   I am sorry I posted my pain, I will go silent now.  

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Broken and Empty

I just lost my son, a teenager, a couple of weeks ago and I am also fumbling around trying to find my place in this world if not his mother. I am surrounded by his things, his memory, even his unwrapped gifts that are still frozen in time waiting to be wrapped. I, too, find no solace in religion and I know just what you mean. Although I can appreciate others' need for it and am happy those who need it have it, those same beliefs simply do not resonate with me. 

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Dear Nevermind and Broken and Empty,

I am so sorry for your deep pain and sorrow.  Please know this is a safe place to express yourself and seek support. No one should feel like they need to be radio silent. We all grieve different and that's okay.

I know I struggled too. I hope these websites will provide additional supports.

Grief in Common

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Recovery Method

What's Your Grief

There are also lots of support in the local community. Talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group.

Thinking of you both. x 

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