Lost my best friend...my younger brother

[wiccankitten]

Back in 2017, i lost my dad and my younger brother(age 28) within 7 months of each other. Even though my brother died as a result of an undiagnosed illeus, and nothing that could've been done to save him, i still feel responsible for his death. I mean, I'm his big sister, I was supposed to protect him,and i failed him in that regard in the most basic core of what my job meant. I feel like i will never find peace unless I join him...throw myself in front of him and beg forgiveness for my epic failure. He was a hugger in life, and I know i won't feel complete until i can feel that warm embrace again. 

Can someone please give me some hope for a day when his memory will bring a smile to my face before it brings a tear to my eyes?

[Liv22]

I can't say when the tears will stop but I can say that I look at the signs. A sign that brings a memory to you with him where you laughed, smiled, supported, or anything that brought the hugger of life out in him. I still cry for my brother everyday. I also have learned to smile and laugh out loud, even while crying, when the memory was one of those. I don't deny the emotions or the urge to talk to him out loud while staring at his picture. I have written letters to him. Prayed over him. Anything that feels right, no matter how it looks or may be "weird" for others, I do without hesitation. 

[reader]

Dear wiccankitten,

Please know there is no fixed timeline to grief. Losing a loved one is unbearable and raw. I have a hard time coming to terms with this part of life. During the holidays it is extremely difficult. Many people told me it gets better with time. It has helped a little. I try to have rituals. Doing kind deeds in their memory. Releasing balloons with messages. Bringing flowers and gifts to their gravesite. Keep taking it moment by moment and know you are not alone.

Thinking of you.

[OregonLady80]

On 12/27/2021 at 9:31 AM, wiccankitten said:

Back in 2017, i lost my dad and my younger brother(age 28) within 7 months of each other. Even though my brother died as a result of an undiagnosed illeus, and nothing that could've been done to save him, i still feel responsible for his death. I mean, I'm his big sister, I was supposed to protect him,and i failed him in that regard in the most basic core of what my job meant. I feel like i will never find peace unless I join him...throw myself in front of him and beg forgiveness for my epic failure. He was a hugger in life, and I know i won't feel complete until i can feel that warm embrace again. 

Can someone please give me some hope for a day when his memory will bring a smile to my face before it brings a tear to my eyes?

I don't know when it gets better as I just lost my younger sister in September, but I can relate to the sense that I somehow failed my younger sister.  She died suddenly and unexpectedly in her sleep of an underlying health condition.  It's so difficult to understand sometimes because I was supposed to go first as the oldest, or at least that's how I felt.