I'm new here. This morning, Christmas Day 2021, I lost my last remaining family member, my mom.

[axess2084]

This morning, I awoke to find my elderly mother (79 years old) in her bed in distress. She said she was just tired. But, she looked as if she was nearly gone. I called the ambulance. She was 'coding' as they were working on her and she passed in the 15 minute ride to the hospital.

She was in poor health and had health scares before where she had to go to the hospital for it.

I am here in my now empty house which is very quiet. I'm a disabled adult and I'd been living with Mom to help her and, in that way, we could keep each other company. But, now, I'm alone. I have one local friend who I will probably be talking to a lot. I have a few friends who live around the USA - and around the world - as well as some remaining members of my extended family - who I'll be talking to.

I think I'm still in shock. Christmas Day. I knew this day would come. But, I still wasn't ready for it. She died without a will - like everyone else did in the immediate family. So, I know of the mess that will have to be dealt with on the probate end. I'm the ONLY living heir. So, thankfully, there won't be those complications. But, being disabled, I don't get enough money in disability to pay for the property taxes. To say I'm worried about the future would be an understatement.

I can't believe she's gone. I'm all alone now in our family. The last one left.

[nuvar]

Im really sorry to read about this. Condolences and my heart goes to you. I cant say I fully understand your situation but my mum passed away unexpectedly 3 years ago and Im an only child, taking care of my demented father and Im estranged from my relatives.

Perhaps you can make this known to someone in your community like a trained counsellor or social worker, so that they can render the necessary help to you?

Please try not to think that you are alone because help is not far away. I can imagine the struggles you are up against. Stay strong and feel free to post here or reach out to me if you wish to talk to someone

Take care and stay strong

[reader]

Dear axess,

I'm so sorry for your loss and for everything you are feeling and dealing with.  Please know we are with you and here to listen. 

There are many good resources in the community or through church. I hope these websites will provide you additional supports.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Thinking of you.

[axess2084]

Thank you, Nuvar and Reader. I appreciate it. It just happened yesterday. So, I'm still processing it. Of all my family members, I was closest with Mom. So, this is very, very, very, hard right now. I'm working on it, though. Luckily friends and relatives are stepping in to help. I need them badly at this point.

[ESM]

I can relate to everything you said. The stillness and emptiness of the house just haunts me on a daily basis. It built to a crescendo on Christmas Eve. I was totally alone on Christmas Eve without my mom. That had never happened before. And I kept thinking if there is an afterlife how horrible she would feel seeing her only son totally alone on Christmas Eve. I also pretty much have no one left. Never knew my dad and he died several years back. My brother died of pancreatic cancer in 1997. I have no significant significant other or children. I really haven't had any friends probably since 2010 or so. It was just my mom. Like you I also have finances to worry about. The rental income which had been sustaining me and my mom isn't going to be there any longer so I need to find a job. It's been about two months for me and I can honestly say each day gets a little worse. I wish you the best. I hope you find some peace somehow.

[axess2084]

Thank you, ESM. I hope the same for you.

[Barbara S.]

My boyfriend's mother who was 92, died suddenly in his arms. He cannot not stop seeing her face when she died. He is now also a caregiver for his 95 year old father. He says his life is over, and cannot not deal with all the responsibilities. He doesn't take care of himself, and refuses to go counselling. So I feel for your frustrations!

[axess2084]

2 days since Mom passed.

 

Today, I feel very empty. The house feels very empty. My heart is empty. Sure, friends and relatives are going to help me along the way of navigating this situation. But, I'm finding it hard to imagine I'll have the strength to deal with it all.

 

My health is bad as it is. And the stroke damage has made it so that I get confused a lot. Everything is in God's hands at this point. I'm completely adrift as Mom was my anchor since I became disabled.

 

Now, I'm in a fog of uncertainty about my future and what will happen in the coming year. I don't know if I'll have the strength to handle it all. I just don't know about ANYTHING at this point.

[Barbara S.]

My boyfriend feels like you do about the loss of his mother. And through him, I feel this pain. But I can tell you, that what you you are feeling will eventually fade! Believe me, I felt this horrid pain when I lost my husband. I could tell you all kind of words to console you, but right now they would just be empty to you. You cannot dwell on what the future holds for you. You literally have to take one day at a time! 

[axess2084]

Oh, I completely agree about that. Days aren't too bad. But, nights are VERY tough. Something about nighttime makes the feelings worse. Loneliness probably.

[Barbara S.]

I agree the nights are not so good. I guess when sitting alone, too many thoughts go through your head. My boyfriend says whenever he isn't doing something, too many things go through his mind. And he doesn't have the energy to always keep busy, especially now that he is caring for his father. But can't explain,  somehow you get through it, and I tell him this all the time.